aibu to have loved the space with dh away for a week? is it a sign I should break up with him?

(61 Posts)
thispunderfullife Wed 17-Jul-13 14:37:33

Dh and I haven't had separate holidays in years. He has been away for a week and I have loved it. Loved it. Skipped about the house, sang in the shower, giggled with my ds, hung out with the neighbours, loved every second. Fallen asleep blissful every night totally happy. I've been with dh for about 7 years .... am I being unreasonable to think this is A big sign that we should break up, or is this a usual feeling among people in long relationships?

froubylou Wed 17-Jul-13 20:48:41

Lol. Not woolly mammoth no. Just something more substantial than jacket potatoes with cheese. He's a builer, does 12/14 hours of hard graft and is starving when he gets home.

Hes quite happy to have a jacket potato as the carbs part of a meal. He just would like it with some protein and veg or salad to go with it. Not just a dollop of coleslaw or handful of cheese.

Typical meat and 2 veg kinda guy.

ithaka Wed 17-Jul-13 20:24:19

I would be annoyed if my DH was on his phone/tablet during dinner - it is rude and sets a bad example to the children.

However, I do miss DH terribly when he goes away - which isn't often. In the words of the song - the beds too big without him. I don't sleep nearly as well by myself and love it when he is back so we can settle happily into our natural sleeping positions - we have been together over 20 years.

I also miss his support and being there and well - just him really.

Euphemia Wed 17-Jul-13 20:17:16

I wouldn't be impressed with anyone pissing about on their phone during dinner.

Euphemia Wed 17-Jul-13 20:16:22

something 'girly' like jacket potato or pasta for tea

What does DH like for tea, woolly mammoth steak? hmm

LittleBearPad Wed 17-Jul-13 20:13:13

Ping. Doing!!

LittleBearPad Wed 17-Jul-13 20:12:58

'Im not impressed'??

What did he think you should be ping whilst he did bath time?

Bowlersarm Wed 17-Jul-13 20:12:13

He sounds like hard work sad

thispunderfullife Wed 17-Jul-13 20:09:33

E.g. I posted the above during dinner and he got upset and said I'd spent half the dinner on the phone and got upset... Just now I said I was going to make a couple of phone calls while he did bath time and he said... 'I'm not impressed' that kind of thing.

DfanjoUnchained Wed 17-Jul-13 19:43:55

I love how tidy my house stays while H is away

lordleofric Wed 17-Jul-13 19:31:22

We used to live overseas. I moved back to UK first, leaving DH and 3 DCs behind. I loved it.
We're all back together now. [shrug]

froubylou Wed 17-Jul-13 19:28:45

I love it when my DP has to work away. I love the peace and quiet in the evenings, and having something 'girly' like jacket potato or pasta for tea with DD. Love having the bed to myself and love the peace and quiet at 3am with no snoring/snuffling/going for a wee/blowing his nose loudly etc etc etc.

BUT when he was in hospital for 2 weeks the other year I missed him desperatly. 4 nights for work is fine. 10 nights for work would be fine too I think though we haven't tested that theory yet.

I adore him and love spending time with him. But he's a loud, noisey bugger who channel surfs and eats biscuits in bed. And I like peace and quiet sometimes.

He's not even quiet when he's asleep lol.

Its normal to enjoy some time away. And be more relaxed I think. But its not normal to have an 'upsetting' row every week. Me and DP been together for 7 years. We have had 3 shit hit the fan rows in that time. I couldn't cope with them every week. No wonder you are skipping and singing if you have that sort of upset once a week.

TheCatIsUpTheDuff Wed 17-Jul-13 19:23:35

I love it when DH goes away. I let the cat sleep on the bed, eat things he doesn't like, get up early on weekend mornings and don't have to be quiet, all those things that were fair compromises when he moved in (he compromised on other stuff) but that I miss about living alone.

But, I'm always pleased to see him when he comes home. My mum feels the same about my stepdad, and they've been happily married for 20 years.

Is there an end in sight to the things that are causing you stress? Can you tackle those together?

PoppyWearer Wed 17-Jul-13 19:13:18

I enjoy it when DH is away, but like it when he comes back too.

It's normal to enjoy time away from each other in an established relationship, IMO/IME. But you should want to see each other and look forward to that once the time is up.

thebody Wed 17-Jul-13 19:10:11

I love my dh to bits but equally enjoy time he is away.

love not having to talk on the evenings and be able to read/ mumsnet and no bloody top gear or monster trucks.

still 6 months in OZ was a trial. 😃

GrimmaTheNome Wed 17-Jul-13 19:01:58

> I just feel more myself and less constrained

hmm... that sounds like something you should think about. Sure, we all adapt somewhat to other people being around, but you have a right to 'be yourself'.

thispunderfullife Wed 17-Jul-13 18:57:05

Yes he does, I guess I just feel more myself and less constrained when I'm alone.

Fraxinus Wed 17-Jul-13 18:44:44

It is a message that you need to do your own thing a bit more. That's all. Does he spend any time in sole charge of dc while you go off and do a hobby/ course?

thispunderfullife Wed 17-Jul-13 18:14:37

Well it's usually ok between us but communication does break down completely at least once a week! Hes home now and I am happy to see him, so possibly completely normal as a lot of you are saying. We have been having a stressful time recently, so that could be part of it!

DfanjoUnchained Wed 17-Jul-13 16:42:26

Op, he sounds quite high maintenance. Maybe discuss this with him on his arrival

DfanjoUnchained Wed 17-Jul-13 16:41:43

Who the fuck are all you people 'skipping around the house' ? grin

I love my husband and I love when he goes away for a week or two. I love having my own space for a bit.

EatingAllTheCrumpets Wed 17-Jul-13 16:30:00

Crikey I'm doomed then grin

DH works a late shift every other week, so I don't see him at all. I love it! I get to eat whatever I fancy and not have to make sure he likes/wants it. I get to watch all my programmes he hates, read without interruption, go to the pub with friends without feeling like I'm missing out on time with him, have a coffee with my mum and again not worry about missing out in couple time. I get to do my nails without him moaning about the smell, I can take as long in the bath as I want without him needing me to hurry up as he needs the loo.

He also goes away on a lads holiday every Easter and again in October. And I think it's great. I make sure I also go away on a girls holiday or a weekend break with my mum.

It gives me chance to miss him, to appreciate how much he does and just generally be happy we are together.

However if you feel you cannot be happy around him then there are issues. Talking about splitting up is a bit harsh and after 7 years unless there is EA or DV etc then you shouldn't be throwing the towel in yet. Have a chat with him and make him aware he needs to be less needy and try and make time to do fun things as a couple and a family

2rebecca Wed 17-Jul-13 16:23:07

Your husband sounds like hard work though, I couldn't face having to do regular counselling sessions at home. Your partner should enhance your life not make it worse.

2rebecca Wed 17-Jul-13 16:21:42

I love it when my husband is away for a while. I'd miss him terribly if I knew it was for good though.

CalamityKate Wed 17-Jul-13 16:19:00

Me and DH have been together nearly 14 years. Get along fine, very rarely argue. Can both do our own thing without worrying about the reaction of the other.

But I love it if he goes away for the odd few days for work. Love it. Every minute of it. Because I know he's coming home.

If he left properly I'd be devastated.

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