To be fed up of the same children winning all the awards at school?!

(204 Posts)
Bluebell99 Wed 17-Jul-13 10:00:16

My son's school states some such rubbish as valuing each child and encouraging them to reach their potential, and yet it is the same children that are chosen for sports day and awards. Recently the school was awarded a grant, for a specific purpose, and they have used it to organise extra curriculum activities. I was invited to an award ceremony to recognise their achievements. Aibu to be disappointed that the children that won prizes are the same confident children that always win everything, and that there had been some extra invitation only expensive activities that only these kids took part in?! Is it a self fulfilling prophecy, that confident children get these opportunities? I was shocked at how inarticulate one of the popular kids was, who had been sent on a expensive summer school and asked to give feedback. It made me realise how low the aspirations are at this school. And instead of feeling inspired, I am feeling that my children are never going to get opportunities to meet their potential at this school. sad

Edith1 Tue 22-Mar-16 19:51:51

At my DC school, it is completely the opposite. They don't prioritise anyone on sports day, everyone gets stickers for taking part. There is no head girl or boy. They try to give support to all children that try whether good or bad. It is a very mixed state school, with a variety of abilities.

abbsismyhero Mon 21-Mar-16 13:38:20

we had one child get star of the week because he HADN'T hit anyone that week it's really hard to explain to my son who never actually hits anyone why he should get rewarded for this its doubly hard because his mom pays for extra tuition and he still level pegged with my son academically (in year one) but apparently he needs more encouragement than my son so gets rewards more often my son is getting philosophical about it now he is seven years old and understands that it's okay for this boy to hit shout and get rewarded for it all the time the only criticism they could come up with about my son is well he is a bit quiet i didn't care that she saw me roll my eyes this parents evening and pointed out he used to not speak at all in public and he used to stutter loads he might want a bit of you know ENCOURAGEMENT/REWARD for engaging with the teacher verbally naaa just ignore me then i will try again next year while he educates himself in the corner of your classroom hmm

harryhausen Mon 21-Mar-16 13:13:04

I haven't RTFT but agreed with Cory's great post early on. You just get with the parts/awards/no awards you're dealt and live with and learn from it.

I remember when I was in primary (32 years ago!) they used to have a Christmas stamp competition. It was anonymous, and the winner had their design printed up and put on all the in-school Xmas cards. I won it every year. In my final year they actually banned me from entering. Banned me! I think my mum was a bit miffed and I was a bit perplexed. However I moved on and started challenging myself to new things.

I've now been a professional illustrator for 21 years grin

My dd is picked for a lot of things. Why? I honestly don't know. She's confident, bright, interested in politics and the news, reads well, very creative, is really funny. Maybe that's it?
She's not great at sport and when she stuck with the struggling netball team through thick and thin was disgusted that the netball team never even got a mention in assembly. They weren't very good! She just had to get over it.

blearynweary Mon 21-Mar-16 12:25:31

Dd came 2nd in a National sports competition against 130 other girls of her age and didn't win star of the week for it - as it should be. She did it out of school and tbh being on a podium and knowing she is one of the best in the country is reward enough.

Her school mentioned it in assembly and she got a clap then I told them to leave it there if they wouldn't mind.

To all those that say hard work doesn't reap rewards - I am sure my dd isn't the only primary age child who works extremely hard at her sport, yes she's talented but she trains more than most of her classmates and totally deserves recognition but not necessarily in school.

I don't agree with getting star of the week for being good at swimming. At dds school star of the week is given for particularly excellent academic work or progress.

NickiFury Mon 21-Mar-16 10:02:50

That should have said the parent or the child.

NickiFury Mon 21-Mar-16 09:56:57

I think it's just nonsensical to insist that it's hard work alone that gets these rewards. It just isn't, as with all other arenas in life there is favouritism. This isn't to say that the lengthy achievements being listed by various posters on behalf of their don't deserve reward but it is true that often the squeaky wheel gets the attention whether that be the parent of child. This is true at all stages of life.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Mon 21-Mar-16 08:19:36

Surely she gets badges for swimming so is awarded twice? May send in DS scouts badges - see if he gets star of the week.

blearynweary Mon 21-Mar-16 08:01:00

There's a gifted and talented list for swimming?!?

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Mon 21-Mar-16 07:54:42

At high school the kids get merits based on

Uniform being on time homework done and attitude in class.

DD has been through junior school with another girl so we know her and they have always been level.

This girl has twice my DD merits yet they both achieve/dress/homework etc are the same -

We don't know why! Favouritism is the only answer.

twelly Sun 20-Mar-16 21:33:38

I am of the opinion that if awards at primary should be used to encourage, and therefore there'd should be progress as well as achievement. This would mean that awards were not always for the same children. There are many who "deserve " awards - which is why I think the scouting and guiding organisations work so well as if you archive that standard to gain the badge hot at the expense of others.

soontobemrsmckeown Sun 20-Mar-16 21:18:43

My dd is 4 (just hone in January) and in school nursery. Shes on the gifted and talented list for swimming. She can swim 50 meters. Only started learning 8 months ago. Im very proud. Shes been given star of the week 4 times this school year for her swimming achievement and attitude to learning. Other kids in her class haven't had star of the week at all.

HowBadIsThisPlease Sun 20-Mar-16 21:13:04

frumpet, thank you smile

No I am not morally iffy but I am not as smoothly warm as some people. I draw a distinction between my friends and colleagues / clients and I do treat them differently. I have never made an enemy at work (unlike some people) - but if I got married tomorrow I doubt there would be anyone from my industry there. I never tell lies and I always do what I said I was going to do and I have never (and will never) fucked anyone over at work (internally or externally)

But thanks for the vote of confidence smile

frumpet Sun 20-Mar-16 21:01:32

HowBad surely that is his problem ? If he cannot see the wheat from the chaff then he is a fool ! Are you morally iffy ? If not , stop trying to be something you aren't , that way madness lies , just be you smile

HowBadIsThisPlease Sun 20-Mar-16 19:50:45

jevoudrais - you know what I find really hard about this? The fact that people who are making these judgements know that they're judging how much they like the person but in their head what they're calling it is whether the person is a "nice person". So it acquires a sort of moral overtone, even though all it is is "this person has skills in making me feel good".

I am feeling really bruised by this at the moment. I try a lot harder than a lot of people to do the right thing but I am nor charismatic enough. I wouldn't mind feeling that people have criticisms of me for "not being very good with people" or even "I just don't warm to her" or "I prefer the person who everyone gets on with". That would be fair enough. But I am dealing right now with someone who definitely in his head thinks of people he likes as "good people" and people he likes less as "morally iffy people" and it's really getting to me - I'm actually starting to think I am not a very good person myself because I'm struggling in this area.

This then has a knock on effect of making me feel paranoid and act artificially so then nothing works. It's horrible.

jevoudrais Sun 20-Mar-16 15:38:39

I find adult life like this too. Almost boils down to extrovert vs introvert. Wrongly, mind.

Funny because my school pushed all the extroverts and they aren't the 'successful' people by any means now we're all further down the line career and family wise.

Nataleejah Sun 20-Mar-16 15:15:43

Not all children are equally good at sports. Just like not everybody is gifted for academics or arts.
However, in every school there will be "teachers' pets" or have VIP parents.

minatiae Sun 20-Mar-16 14:43:42

I have no problem with kids who win getting awards and kids who don't not getting anything. Children need to learn that we don't all get awards, some of us never win anything.

What I don't support though is favouritism. I am still bitter about an award that was given at my school when a child reached a certain (very high) level in a certain sport. Everyone who achieved this before me, and everyone who achieved it after me, got the award and it was read out in assembly and the children got to go up and get their award. The school KNEW I had reached this level as they were notified by my parents and the sports group I was competing with, and one of the other children who achieved that level at the same time and in the same competition as me to the award. But I never got the award. The school didn't even mention my name when announcing that the other kid had made the team that year. I was too shy to ask why I'd been exclude.

BarbarianMum Sat 19-Mar-16 20:45:18

Gosh, I've never come across a school so lacking in talent that only a handful of children deserve to recognised. My children are hard working, articulate and academically able. Also musically talented. Sometimes they win prises for their abilities and efforts, on lots of other occasions those prizes go to other hard working/able/talented children, of which there are many in the school. Id' be quite worried if there weren't.

upthegardenpath Sat 19-Mar-16 20:25:21

PTA = Pain in The Arse

abbsismyhero Sat 19-Mar-16 19:22:22

head of the pta's child is the lead in the school plays main speaker in the school assembly represents on the school councils and has just been named head boy! he is all over the school newsletters too every time a picture needs to be taken to represent the school he is trotted out my son gets 100% attendance does not even get it recognised like the rest of the class (group photo in the lobby plus a postcard home when it's a full term) it gets ridiculous

HowBadIsThisPlease Sat 19-Mar-16 17:27:19

It is ridiculous to suggest that hard work will get children prizes necessarily. There is no way I would ever have got an award for sport no matter how hard I worked. I'm not complaining as I am more than talented and privileged enough - anything to do with literature or music I would have hoovered up without breaking a sweat. I have studied with people who have worked so hard at things that come effortlessly to me and felt guilty while they asked me how I did it, because I had nothing to share about hard work, techniques, etc; on the other hand, there are supposedly basic things I have struggled with all my life and still have to work really hard at, at the age of 44, and if I stop concentrating on these areas for 5 minutes all hell breaks loose.

I have no complaints for myself, but it is so obvious to me from personal experience that talent has so much to do with success, that it is ridiculous to suggest that hard work = accomplishment.

Zaurak Sat 19-Mar-16 13:25:47

The only award I ever got at school was in our jokey ones we did ourselves (the scarlet pimpernel award for ghost like presence, for refusing to attend religious assemblies.)
We never had awards, but then my school was poor to say the least.

Academic/sport awards should go to those genuinely best at them. ALL children should be encouraged and praised for effort, regardless of attainment

BertrandRussell Sat 19-Mar-16 12:08:47

Only 4 posts before someone mentioned the PTA! Is this a record?

dratsea Sat 19-Mar-16 12:02:07

Some children do deserve most of the awards. Tom's mum was in charge when I was still a junior. I have only known Tom and his dad for 13 yrs. We met up in NZ, and, like you do, we talked about school, one girl in Tom's class got the lead in school play, prizes both academic and artistic but she had to leave school at 15,. Now hangs out with Taylor Swift. But at least his band (formed when he was 13) is now on Youtube and you can hear a couple of words from Tom near end of video. Tom felt at 13 she deserved even more school awards but they were shared out "to be fair". But I guess a grammy or two are fair compensation.

MTPurse Sat 19-Mar-16 10:30:35

I know this is a zombie thread but just wanted to comment.

My ds (y5) gets a lot of rewards and certificates at school both for sport and his abilities in Maths, his last award was for completing two maths tests for two weeks in a row and getting full marks on both, no one ever in the history of the school has ever got full marks on these tests never mind twice in a row. I am proud of him and he deserved the award.
He deserves his sport awards too as again he is good at what at he does.

In all honesty now after reading this thread I can imagine that other parents may think I am pushy parent or whatever as I am most nights found talking to the teacher or ht at pickup. In reality it is normally due to my ds being a dick one way or another at school that day.

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