To think if a man doesn't want a baby he should make it his business to wear a condom

(435 Posts)
JaffaMyCake Mon 15-Jul-13 11:57:02

A friend of mine has got pregnant off a casual FWB situation. She's ok with this and intends to keep the baby even though she isn't in a relationship with the father.

However the father has gone absolutely ballistic, called her a bitch etc and demands she has an abortion. He's adamant he doesn't want the baby or to pay child support.

The situation regarding contraception is that it was just never discussed and they continually had unprotected sex for about 3 months. He never asked if she was on the pill and she never told him she was.

So AIBU to think if he so adamantly did not want a baby with this woman he should have bloody well used protection, regardless of whether she suggested it or not?

Eyesunderarock Mon 15-Jul-13 12:11:46

'The pair of them are idiots, they should be thanking their lucky stars a baby was the conclusion of their 'relationship' and not an STD.'

No, I think for the baby it's probably not a good thing.
A STD might make both of them think next time.

LEMisdisappointed Mon 15-Jul-13 12:11:55

I got pregnant due to a condom failure - i should have been on the pill (belt and braces)

livinginwonderland Mon 15-Jul-13 12:12:11

People shouldn't have sex without discussing the consequences! Sex can ALWAYS lead to a baby, no matter how careful you are. If you don't can't handle the potential of having a baby/an abortion, don't have sex.

LondonMan Mon 15-Jul-13 12:12:56

Creating a baby is not something you should generally do unilaterally. Getting married first may have gone out of fashion, but you should discuss it.

He was incredibly stupid to assume she was on the pill, but she's the one who did something wrong by knowingly conceiving the baby. (The situation is not symmetrical. They both knew he wasn't using anything, only she knew that she wasn't.)

However what's done is done. He has a right to be angry, but he has no right to demand an abortion. Her wrong was conceiving, now that she's done that it's totally her choice what happens next.

Eyesunderarock Mon 15-Jul-13 12:13:28

Oh, and asking if someone is on the pill and them lying to you is still no defence against paying for the child.

LEMisdisappointed Mon 15-Jul-13 12:13:40

How is she going to support this child?

LadyBryan Mon 15-Jul-13 12:14:30

It takes two people to make a baby. Both are therefore equally responsible therefore both are responsible for sorting out contraception.

She could have refused to have unprotected sex....now there's an idea

BellEndTent Mon 15-Jul-13 12:14:43

Absolutely. He didn't take responsibility for his own fertility and therefore has nobody to blame but himself. If she had lied to him about being on the pill I may have been be a little more sympathetic but he still should have protected himself. He didn't, he was reckless and now there are consequences.

Eyesunderarock Mon 15-Jul-13 12:14:56

The way most single mothers do I suppose. With whatever is available.
I share threads like this with DS as a warning.

JaffaMyCake Mon 15-Jul-13 12:14:59

Fakebook your post comes across as if you think contraception is always the responsibility of the woman hmm.

I disagree that she has tricked him, you cannot just assume that someone is on the pill.

She actually earns significantly more than him.

Maryann1975 Mon 15-Jul-13 12:15:08

Very unfair of your friend to put him in this position. If she wanted a baby she should have told him that was what she was after. But he was very stupid in not asking outright if she was on the pill. Never assume stuff like that. Basically, it seems that they have both been very immature in not discussing contaceptives and now a baby is going to be born, who it seems is unwanted by one of their parents. That's not fair on the child.

mynameisslimshady Mon 15-Jul-13 12:15:20

In this situation a baby isn't a good thing, I agree, but its still a far more pleasant option than a recurring or life limiting disease.

Trills Mon 15-Jul-13 12:15:43

asking if someone is on the pill and them lying to you is still no defence against paying for the child.

No, because it's not the child's fault that their mother lied in order to bring them into being.

It's a pretty good reason to not want to have anything to do with that person ever again though. (unfortunately a pretty difficult thing to do now that you have a child with them)

kinkyfuckery Mon 15-Jul-13 12:16:18

Has she said what her expectation is from him as a father?

Eyesunderarock Mon 15-Jul-13 12:16:45

'In this situation a baby isn't a good thing, I agree, but its still a far more pleasant option than a recurring or life limiting disease.'

Possibly not for the baby.
Who knows? They may have both to deal with in the future.

SaucyJack Mon 15-Jul-13 12:17:12

He has been an idiot, but I have less than no sympathy for your friend too.

LEMisdisappointed Mon 15-Jul-13 12:18:38

Actually I would absolutely assume that someone was on the pill in that situation.

JaffaMyCake Mon 15-Jul-13 12:18:51

Can I ask if the responses would be different if she had just been stupid and forgotten about contraception instead of actually wanting a baby?

Eyesunderarock Mon 15-Jul-13 12:18:57

Yes, he was an idiot.
Yes, he should now pay for the child.
Yes, he should be a hell of a lot more cautious about who she has sex with in the future.
Yes I think she baited the trap, and he walked into it, prick first. He's an adult and made his choice.

LEMisdisappointed Mon 15-Jul-13 12:20:16

And whilst i agree that contraception is a joint responsibility, it is the woman that will be left holding the baby if the man doesn't face up to his responsibilities so any woman with an ounce of sense would ensure they are covered.

I read something similar on another thread (a poster was planning to do it). Ultimately, both bear responsibility. She, as is basically trapping him, but he for being an irresponsible idiot.

Yes he's an idiot- she's not that nice either.

SaucyJack Mon 15-Jul-13 12:22:23

I can't answer that Jaffa, because I simply do not belive it is possibly to repeatedly forget to use contraception.

LEMisdisappointed Mon 15-Jul-13 12:22:54

She HAS been stupid, far more stupid than simply forgetting contraception. Forgetting contraception means you get your arse down the chemist and get the MAP.

She has deliberately trapped this person into having an unwanted child.

If she was that desperate for a child she should have
a) been in a loving relationship
b) been fucking honest about it
c) used artificial insemination

FanjoForTheMammaries Mon 15-Jul-13 12:23:39

yes, he should "put something on the end of it" wink

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