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To think if a man doesn't want a baby he should make it his business to wear a condom

(435 Posts)
JaffaMyCake Mon 15-Jul-13 11:57:02

A friend of mine has got pregnant off a casual FWB situation. She's ok with this and intends to keep the baby even though she isn't in a relationship with the father.

However the father has gone absolutely ballistic, called her a bitch etc and demands she has an abortion. He's adamant he doesn't want the baby or to pay child support.

The situation regarding contraception is that it was just never discussed and they continually had unprotected sex for about 3 months. He never asked if she was on the pill and she never told him she was.

So AIBU to think if he so adamantly did not want a baby with this woman he should have bloody well used protection, regardless of whether she suggested it or not?

revealall Tue 16-Jul-13 22:09:03

"SarahAndFuck" - Does it matter? Some women do want to get pregnant because they have the bits that enable that. They also have a limited time to do it in.
Men only aid the process and can do so for at least 20 years after women have to give up.

Not sure why "not having a baby" is considered the standard seeing as actually there are more women than men! Perhaps that thinking should change in the future.

SarahAndFuck Tue 16-Jul-13 23:40:58

Revealall - does what matter?

The fact that the OP has made an assumption about her friend which none of us know is the truth? Yes, it does.

"Men can only aid in the process" - or they can wear a condom on every occasion they have casual sex with someone they don't want to have a baby with.

"Not sure why "not having a baby" is considered the standard seeing as actually there are more women than men! Perhaps that thinking should change in the future." - what? This makes no sense. More women than men where? The thinking of what? That men can be responsible for their own fertility?

MyBaby1day Wed 17-Jul-13 01:49:38

YANBU, it's his responsibility too. Sounds like he had what he wants and now can't hack it-*TOUGH*, time to grow up!. It was partly her choice too but it looks like she's facing upto it at least. Sad really.

MyBaby1day Wed 17-Jul-13 01:49:58

TOUGH

DioneTheDiabolist Wed 17-Jul-13 22:20:58

Can I just ask all of you who are saying "Your sperm, your responsibility" if your boyfriends/husbands etc. Always wear condoms?

No. Apart from anything else it would make going for a wee very difficult. I don't see the link though.

tittytittyhanghang Wed 17-Jul-13 22:38:38

no he doesn't. But he accepts the fact that by having sex with me I might fall pregnant (although Im on the implant so the risk is significantly reduced).

Dione I would expect that most people in a relationship would have talked about the possibility of pregnancy being the result of unprotected sex, so if you do not want a baby then yes, I would expect any DH/ DP to always wear a condom or at least ensure that another form of contracetion is being used.
Stealth that made me crackup!! grin
OP, that poor baby! sad, the bloke is an idiot, but (if you are right and it was deliberate) your friend is a bitch.

revealall Wed 17-Jul-13 23:21:27

It's a bit of a male viewpoint to assume all sex is just for the fun of it don't you think?
Given that men don't give birth why would sex not be about the pleasure than the procreation. If they are shagging women who have 10 years tops of baby making (men of course can make children 20 years later) then it might be wise to consider an alternative viewpoint.
Some women hear the ticking of the clock.I did and some of my friends did. Some of my friends were undecided but realised they need ed to think about it quickly.
So why do the majority assume that the default position for sex isn't about having a baby? Some want a shag and they will hopefully protect themselves and some want a baby and won't.

SarahAndFuck Thu 18-Jul-13 00:02:45

revealall - are you replying to me?

I'm not assuming that all sex is for fun.

I'm saying that we do not know what motive the OP's friend had. She hasn't posted here and the OP doesn't know for certain that her friend was intentionally tried to become pregnant, she has assumed so. If any of this is even true, as the OP has vanished having started a bunfight.

It's unfair to accuse the friend, if she is real, of tricking someone when we do not know what her motives were.

It's been pointed out time and again that neither of these people used contraception. Both were equally responsible for doing so, neither bothered. Her motives are no more questionable than his.

By saying this - "So why do the majority assume that the default position for sex isn't about having a baby? Some want a shag and they will hopefully protect themselves and some want a baby and won't." - you seem to be at least partly agreeing with me though, in saying that as he has no idea whether a woman wants sex for pleasure or for procreation he should have taken responsibility for himself and worn a condom.

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