To think if a man doesn't want a baby he should make it his business to wear a condom

(435 Posts)
JaffaMyCake Mon 15-Jul-13 11:57:02

A friend of mine has got pregnant off a casual FWB situation. She's ok with this and intends to keep the baby even though she isn't in a relationship with the father.

However the father has gone absolutely ballistic, called her a bitch etc and demands she has an abortion. He's adamant he doesn't want the baby or to pay child support.

The situation regarding contraception is that it was just never discussed and they continually had unprotected sex for about 3 months. He never asked if she was on the pill and she never told him she was.

So AIBU to think if he so adamantly did not want a baby with this woman he should have bloody well used protection, regardless of whether she suggested it or not?

JaffaMyCake Mon 15-Jul-13 11:59:01

I will say that I think my friend deliberately didn't bring it up with him because she was hoping to get pregnant.

ouryve Mon 15-Jul-13 11:59:11

If he doesn't want to risk having a baby, he shouldn't have sex, never mind unprotected sex.

LEMisdisappointed Mon 15-Jul-13 11:59:58

So, your friend thought it was OK to continue without contraception then? She knowingly had unprotected sex - they are both as bad as each other. How old are they?

Is she going to support herself with the baby then?

kinkyfuckery Mon 15-Jul-13 12:00:11

Contraception is the responsibility of BOTH people. Yes, he should have worn a condom, but she should have made him!
Why the fuck are 'FWB' having unprotected sex? They both sound fucking stupid!

WafflyVersatile Mon 15-Jul-13 12:00:28

My line is:

If you don't want to be dad wear a condom+. That is the only point in the process where you have a choice, after that it's out of your hands.

+or stick to bumsecks if she's into that.

LastTangoInDevonshire Mon 15-Jul-13 12:00:36

She'll do what she wants, and he will pay for it. He should have taken more precautions. Silly twats - both of them.

Men don't think about 'babies' - they think about sex.

LEMisdisappointed Mon 15-Jul-13 12:00:44

She deliberately wanted to get pregnant? shock

This is a wind up isn't it?

JaffaMyCake Mon 15-Jul-13 12:01:27

She is 32, he's around the same age

LEMisdisappointed Mon 15-Jul-13 12:02:09

Wow - old enough to know better then hmm

mynameisslimshady Mon 15-Jul-13 12:02:32

The pair of them are idiots, they should be thanking their lucky stars a baby was the conclusion of their 'relationship' and not an STD.

JRmumma Mon 15-Jul-13 12:03:59

They both sound stupid.

But yes, he should have taken precautions.

LittleBearPad Mon 15-Jul-13 12:04:59

They are both as bad as one another and should have used contraception. Your friend however shouldn't have been hoping to get pregnant from a FWB thing without warning the bloke that was what she wanted.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit Mon 15-Jul-13 12:05:13

Hope they are both aware that a baby was probably the least dangerous thing that they could have caught in this situation.
Pair of them sound like idiots.

JessicaBeatriceFletcher Mon 15-Jul-13 12:06:31

Yeah, sorry, your friend is as much a twat as he is.

MrsPercyPig Mon 15-Jul-13 12:06:49

What is FWB?

JaffaMyCake Mon 15-Jul-13 12:07:38

I think my point is that the man in question now feels "trapped" into having a baby with this woman, and has basically solely blamed her for not being on the pill!

mynameisslimshady Mon 15-Jul-13 12:07:42

Friends with benefits.

IneedAsockamnesty Mon 15-Jul-13 12:08:43

Is a basic fact that unprotected sex can lead to pregnancy,clearly she's not that bothered about the consequences but he is.

As he was always going to be more bothered by this possibility then he should have either not put his penis in her vagina or used a condom.

As now he has to deal with the negative consequences and has no choice. But he would have known that would be the situation

Fakebook Mon 15-Jul-13 12:09:31

Don't have any experience in casual sex, but one would assume you have sex without the intention of having a baby unless you are actively ttc. So he shouldn't really have had to ask should he? Your friend has tricked him into this situation. I'd be angry too.

DioneTheDiabolist Mon 15-Jul-13 12:09:37

I do think that if a man doesn't want a baby he should wear a condom. I just as strongly believe that if a woman wants a baby she should make this clear.

He was foolish, stupid and presumptive. She was calculating and manipulative. *I feel so sorry for this child*sad

Trills Mon 15-Jul-13 12:09:55

Contraception is the responsibility of both people.

It is both of their faults that she is now pregnant.

Eyesunderarock Mon 15-Jul-13 12:09:56

I agree, condoms should be mandatory. But the only way to avoid being an unwilling father is to not have sex.
He doesn't get a choice about paying for his mistakes for the next 18 years, yes he's going to be very pissed-off.

LEMisdisappointed Mon 15-Jul-13 12:10:20

well, yeah, that about sums it up!!

TSSDNCOP Mon 15-Jul-13 12:11:22

Would she have had sex with him if he had insisted on a condom? Because it rather sound as though this was the outcome she was hoping for.

He is an idiot and the answer to your question is yes. He's going to be paying for that lapse in judgement for the next 18 years. Which brings us neatly back to whether that we also perhaps your friends intention. Unless she is in a position to be totally self-supportive.

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