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To worry about my past?

(61 Posts)
frozerose Sun 14-Jul-13 20:17:06

During my twenties I was a wildchild, I drank and went out every night, took drugs and had casual sex with various men.

Luckily I had a good group of close friends who werent involved in that scene, they didnt like it but they stood by me.

In time I met my beloved DH and had a daughter. I well and truly grew up and those days are firmly behind me.

Sometimes I think back to how I used to be and I can feel anxious about it for days.

AIBU to feel that people will just remember the drunken partygirl that I was, rather than the devoted mum I am now?

libertine73 Tue 16-Jul-13 03:59:04

don't know, but I've just had a bender of a 40th birthday weekend, am covered in unexplained bruises!

happy to not have one as mad as that again until my 50th!!

JenaiMorris Mon 15-Jul-13 22:03:32

When exactly was I meant to trade all my raucous nights out for nights in watching Country File with a mug of cocoa?

foslady Mon 15-Jul-13 21:54:33

My friend has just put a photo message on fb. It says 'Don't judge me by my past, I don't live there anymore'.

Thought of you, OP smile

Latara Mon 15-Jul-13 19:39:59

I did 'enjoy' life until not that long ago; then I stopped drinking on NYE 2012 and haven't looked back.

I don't regret any of it though!

HotCrossPun Mon 15-Jul-13 19:11:06

Of course frozerose , you are the OP so yours has glitter and sequins on grin

<frantically assembles badges for all the new posters>

minouminou Mon 15-Jul-13 12:27:56

Same here, my love!
There was a moment in which I thought: "Right, this is all a bit old now.....I'm ready to stop, so I did."

It's obvious when you've had a bit of a past, but unless it involved eating babies, no-one is going to care!

The point is, your old friends stuck with you, didn't they. Keep hold of them, they sound like gooduns.

DiaryOfAWimpyMum Mon 15-Jul-13 12:20:30

I was wild from 17-20something I can honestly say I don't regret it I lived and partied when Scotlands rave scene was at it's biggest I didn't sleep around possibly because I was too wasted every weekend, I wouldn't want my DC doing it but I had some fantastic times and don't regret it for a minute.

Crowler Mon 15-Jul-13 12:15:30

Oh my god, ladies! I love this thread!

I had some crazy times in my 20's. Who cares. BTW, you're even allowed to have some crazy times now.

libertine73 Mon 15-Jul-13 12:14:03

The things I got up to would make Keith Richards blush!

Does anyone ever wonder what they are going to tell their DC about it all? In say, context of them possibly heading down the same road?

celestialbows Mon 15-Jul-13 12:11:14

*typos, I wasn't always nice or thoughtful!

celestialbows Mon 15-Jul-13 12:06:32

I was a maniac when I was younger, drink, drugs, sex, police, mayhem just some hideous things plus extreme danger. I wasnt lays nic o thoughtful and pissed off a lot of people.
I and my life are unrecognisable from those days. I have massive regrets , shame and anxiety sometimes , mainly because I liv in a small town where people have long memories and I can't avoid reminders .
I have to concentrate on what I have now and embrace the changes, people may still gossip or remind me of what I did but a lot of the people I was with then have died or are completely messed up, some have moved on and straightened out too.
It is what it is. I'm a direct result of my upbringing and fought really hard to get out of the rut. I will never go back there again.
I do worry what I'll tell my children and what someone might tell my DH but life is for living. I'm lucky to have a second chance a it.

MadeOfStarDust Mon 15-Jul-13 09:31:09

Was also a bit of a wild child many moons ago - Focus on the future..

though I must admit the thought of EVER doing ANYTHING noteworthy and becoming famous would fill me with dread about it all becoming public knowledge - I would NEVER pass a political selection for election stage.. never.... blush

SignoraStronza Mon 15-Jul-13 09:29:03

I had a similar past. Luckily dh knew me back then - he rather liked me in fact but was warned that I was somewhat of a maneater.blush

He doesn't care, although I do joke that he doesn't know the half of it (had several, separate groups of friends).

When I look back on it I do feel a bit sad that I had little self respect because all I actually wanted was someone to love me - the fwb thing was a particularly low point. Drug use? Meh. We were all at it but I only used to dabble scrounge off other people and never really had a problem.

I do often wonder how life would have turned out if we'd got together back then, but is not worth dwelling on. The one thing I'll take from it though, is to be open and honest with dds about feelings and relationships - totally the opposite of my parents, who I could never, ever open up to.

Don't worry op.

FlagsRagsFerryboats Mon 15-Jul-13 09:08:02

When thinking about my past I've always liked this saying:
"Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter".

magimedi Argentina Mon 15-Jul-13 09:01:10

Who knows, when im old and grey I may look on my past with fondness!

I am old & white & look upon my 'wildchild' times in the 70's with great fondness now!

brilliantwhite Mon 15-Jul-13 08:53:07

only the people who didnt like you back then will remember you like that, but your friends will see you as you are now , dont worry about the past , everyone has one .

frozerose Mon 15-Jul-13 08:48:50

Thanks everyone, im really glad I posted as its made me realise im worrying about nothing smile

Who knows, when im old and grey I may look on my past with fondness!

Will just forget the past now and focus on my brilliant present and future.

Can I have EHA badge too?

PatsyAndEddy Mon 15-Jul-13 07:05:12

It's not sordid or shameful. I met dh at 18 and still managed to fit in a few weeks years, and even a few with him before having ds1 at 21.

I'm glad I fell pregnant when I did, we'd already wasted a hefty house deposit on cocaine and clubs!

Now we're are wholesome as it gets, no one suspects we used to lose weekends to illegal drugs.

Your past is what it is, in the past.

peteypiranha Mon 15-Jul-13 06:54:14

Of course doing these things arent shameful. Why is sex shameful? Drugs and drinking arent shameful either. Its better to have tried everything as you only live once imo. Any man that gets jealous or judges you for having sex is an extremely insecure one.

YouMakeMeWannaLaLa Sun 14-Jul-13 23:44:00

Although, having said that, there is a bunch of 'lads' back in my hometown who used to badmouth me as 'easy' they may have said I only wear my knickers to keep my ankles warm and through FB I'm aware they still have the same opinion of me hmm

It's pretty horrible to think they still think of me as a drunk 17 year old but they are a bunch of superior sad-fucks who live the same life they did 15 years ago. I do regret with sleeping with the ones them I did (a couple out of about 10, what a 'slag' hmm ) because they all turned on me when I turned one of them down. How people can be so rude about people they found good enough to sleep with is beyond me.

So I guess sometimes you do regret the people stuff you do do grin

YouMakeMeWannaLaLa Sun 14-Jul-13 23:33:17

Another EHA member here. It's only the last couple of years (I'm nearly 30) that I've stopped worried about being "found out" and stopped feeling ashamed.

I think in my case my shame came from having a couple of serious boyfriends who made it clear they thought it was wrong for women to sleep around (not men, though who those men were supposed to be having sex with, I don't know) so I always had to hide it. One found out and made me apologise for every man I'd slept with before him hmm And my STBXH had an alcoholic parent so hated drinking and it made me feel like my bygone excesses were shameful.

Recently, though, I realise it was MY youth FGS. I never hurt anyone, I didn't commit any crimes, all I did was enjoy myself and have turned into a functioning adult, wife and mother. A couple of situations were dodgy and potentially dangerous but there's no point dwelling on that.

I seriously regret all the effort I put in to worrying that people might find out that I once had a decidedly average few years of casual sex and vodka. It's not for everyone, but it was for me and most of it was good smile

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Sun 14-Jul-13 23:10:58

I also cringe when I think of my behaviour not that long ago (despite being mid 40s now!)

My promiscuity and pitching up at work with raging hangovers or calling in sick because I was still high or still pissed - all of it makes me ashamed. But it is in the past. Gone and done and I could not bear to do all that again, not because I did not enjoy it at the time, but because a good night's sleep and my lovely DH and DS are now the things that count!

YABU! Let it go.

mumofthemonsters808 Sun 14-Jul-13 23:06:53

I'm applying to join please, pretty similar lifestyle as others describe. Sometimes I get flashbacks of something horrendous I did and I cringe with shame and embarrassment, I excuse it all under the banner of being young and foolish. I am now that far removed from my hedonistic self that I swear it was in a previous life.

HotCrossPun Sun 14-Jul-13 23:06:47

<makes Pancakeflipper EHA badge>

A quote that always helps me is;

''If you knew how little people thought of you, you wouldn’t worry how little people think of you.”

It makes sense, I don't think about anything my friends or people I know did years ago, so why would they bother thinking about me! grin

Pancakeflipper Sun 14-Jul-13 22:57:30

Can I join?

I went through an out of control time for nearly 2 years. Half of it I cannot recall and the other half it just makes me cringe.

I dread bumping into some people from those days. When in fact I have been utterly boring for the last 15yrs.

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