To worry about my past?

(61 Posts)
frozerose Sun 14-Jul-13 20:17:06

During my twenties I was a wildchild, I drank and went out every night, took drugs and had casual sex with various men.

Luckily I had a good group of close friends who werent involved in that scene, they didnt like it but they stood by me.

In time I met my beloved DH and had a daughter. I well and truly grew up and those days are firmly behind me.

Sometimes I think back to how I used to be and I can feel anxious about it for days.

AIBU to feel that people will just remember the drunken partygirl that I was, rather than the devoted mum I am now?

libertine73 Sun 14-Jul-13 20:18:23

what people? don't worry abut it, you're allowed to have a youth!

babyhmummy01 Sun 14-Jul-13 20:18:54

anyone who thinks like that isn't worth your time hun!!

You have changed and that is all that truly matters!

PlainOldVanilla Sun 14-Jul-13 20:19:17

If the people that know you both now and then are still around then its because they know you've changed and aren't that person any more. Everyone has a past and some people would rather not remember there's but if people decide to judge you on it then get rid of them because what matters is who you are now

Hassled Sun 14-Jul-13 20:21:03

Blimey, we all did things we regret. There are things I said and did 30 years ago which still make me want to curl up in a little ball and die a bit. It's who you are now that matters.

HoldingHigh Sun 14-Jul-13 20:24:05

I wouldn't worry about it. Everyone's got a past and everyone's got things they wish they hadn't have done. But it's your past. That says it all. It's not your present or future.

Everyone has regrets & most of us have a past but it's just that, a past.

bimbabirba Sun 14-Jul-13 20:27:29

If you didn't have a wild youth you'd be regretting now just like me grin

Steben Sun 14-Jul-13 20:27:42

God don't worry you don't do it now and you enjoyed your youth! I met DH aged 22 and wished I had "lived" a tad more before settling down grin

HeffalumpTheFlump Sun 14-Jul-13 20:27:53

I have a very similar past. A quote that helps me feel better sometimes: "I may not be who I ought to be, I know I'm not yet all I want to be, But I've come a long way from who I used to be, And I know I won't give up on becoming what I'm meant to be."

It sounds like you are well along that path, so you should be proud of the person you are today. You can't change the past, but I know how much anxiety it can cause. The only way to move on is to embrace the present and make wiser choices now.

Well done on turning your life around and becoming who you are now smile be proud. smile

That's what your 20's are for. My past is much the same.

FadBook Sun 14-Jul-13 20:35:08

I have a very similar past. A quote that helps me feel better sometimes: "I may not be who I ought to be, I know I'm not yet all I want to be, But I've come a long way from who I used to be, And I know I won't give up on becoming what I'm meant to be

^^ This is good.

We all have a past OP and yours sounds similar to mine. I seriously went off the rails after my first boyfriend and I broke up, so from about 20 years old. I did some crazy things and got into very dangerous situations. I don't have any regrets at all. And yes, there may be people that judge me. More fool them if they don't realise that people change.

Is there a specific thing you keep going back to that you did that makes you anxious? Or is it all of it?

I can think of one particular incident / weekend and I cringe at what I did, but I don't get anxious by it.

yamsareyammy Sun 14-Jul-13 20:38:15

Who in particular are you bothered about?

LEMisdisappointed Sun 14-Jul-13 20:39:38

I cannot remember how many men i have slept with blush The only regrets i have that it wasn't on my terms. I look back and think, wayhayyyy

MrsDeVere Sun 14-Jul-13 20:42:46

What exactly did you do that was so shameful?

You had sex without being married and without caring that much about the people you had sex with.
You took drugs.

Only one of them is illegal and its a matter of opinion as to whether any of them are 'wrong'.

You were young and you did what thousands of young people do without harming themselves or anyone else.

Taking drugs is not something I would encourage and I sadly know many parents who have lost their beloved children due to them, but the fact is most users of illicit drugs simply grow out of them.

Which is exactly what you have done.

I do know how you feel. Becoming a parent can make you feel awful about your past because mothers are supposed to be perfect.

Well we aren't. That doesn't mean we are bad people.

In time you will look back on your 'terrible' past and laugh about it. I am 46 and the things that used to make me cringe now make me roar!

HerrenaHarridan Sun 14-Jul-13 20:50:05

Ha ha ha,

I have slept with literally hundreds if men and dozens of women
There are more drugs I have taken than haven't
I used to get paid an amazing amount of money to have sex
I used to spend as much time as I could in bdsm dungeons and the rest out getting high and going crazy
I have taken countless anonymous drugs that I found and didn't know what they where.
I once went home with a guy I net in the street when I asked him for a light!

It was fucking stupid. I put myself in ridiculous and unnecessary danger.

I had a brilliant time and I don't regret it.

I no longer take any drugs or even smoke. I'm a hands on kid focused mum who keeps a tidy house and cooks mostly from scratch

I honestly couldn't give a fuck if people judge me, I had a great time smile

GertrudeMorel Sun 14-Jul-13 20:52:46

My 20s were the same and I have never regretted it. I look back and think what a brilliant time I had! My friends and I often fondly reminisce, with much laughter, about the mad things we got up to.

I hope my kids do the same and don't settle down too young.

My nephew became a dad at 20 and I feel sorry for him - he has not had that wild, reckless time and he'll never have it now. He regrets it too, btw.

frozerose Sun 14-Jul-13 20:58:27

Thanks everyone, makes me feel better. I just cringe about my whole past in general, I used to go out, get high and go home with the first person who showed a slight interest in me blush I think a lot of it was due to low self esteem.

I still go out every now and again with my friends and still see people from my past, stuck in the same scene and I thank my lucky stars that I arent involved in that way of life anymore.

Dont get me wrong when I was going through that stage I did enjoy myself, but looking back I think meeting my DH and having DD truly saved me.

frozerose Sun 14-Jul-13 21:01:31

My old life wasnt just being fun and reckless though, I was involved with the police several times and I used toturn up to my old job still under the influence. It is something I really regret

Mumoftwoyoungkids Sun 14-Jul-13 21:02:19

You lucky sod! I started going out with dh at 19 and we married when I was 20. We have been very happy but I do sometimes wish I had a few wild child type memories to sustain me now I am a dull mum of two.

FadBook Sun 14-Jul-13 21:04:26

Frozerose - Would you rather regret something you've done or something you didn't do?

You can't change your past. Accept that it had made you who you are today.

Steben Sun 14-Jul-13 21:10:31

Good for you Herrena grin

MrsDeVere Sun 14-Jul-13 21:10:53

But its done now and you can't change it.
Its finished.

So there is no point in worrying about it.

You are not a bad person. Sounds like you don't think you quite deserve to have a happy life with your lovely family.

I am sure you do smile

Pigsmummy Sun 14-Jul-13 21:13:13

Ditto, days like today were spent in a gay club still out from Friday night. Met loads of men that I thought was the "one". Now I have a child I am worried that DC might want to do the same. Terrifying.

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