To give up on this date

(253 Posts)

Had a great first date last monday, so great the second date was planned the same day, for tomorrow night.

since then hes kind of dropped off the face of the earth, what was daily contact, lots of texts and things throughout the day has dropped to something like 10 messages over 6 days. Knowing he was busy this weekend i messaged to say have a nice weekend, which he recieved but didnt reply to.

Not being one to be passive about these things i sent him a message saying i wasnt sure what was up, but that if he had changed his mind that was fine and to just let me know as i didnt want to message someone when it wasnt wanted.

He immediatley replied and told me he had been crazy busy and we would chat soon. That was 48 hours ago. Nothing since. He is away this weekend with friends but has been using his phone/internet as i can see hes updated various things.....

Second date is meant to be tomorrow. Just how long am i meant to keep hanging on waiting to hear? Some friends have said i should just wait and give him a chance, others have said to send something cancelling it.

Im in two minds what to do. Give up?!!

PatsyAndEddy Sun 14-Jul-13 17:03:16

Edit until the date. You've arranged a date he's not missed that our an I missing something?

MalcolmTuckersMum Sun 14-Jul-13 17:03:48

Start off by calming down. If there's one thing guaranteed to make a man run for the hills it's a woman doing what you're doing. You're acting obsessed, insecure, a bit controlling and needy. Stop it all right now and sit back and wait for him to contact you - if you haven't frightened him off by now.

CajaDeLaMemoria Sun 14-Jul-13 17:06:53

He's away for the weekend. He told you he was busy. He's text you back to say things are fine, I'm just busy.

It takes a lot less time to update a Facebook status than to have a text conversation, especially if he's away with friends or family that don't know about you yet.

Cool it and wait for the date. He hasn't done anything wrong yet - he's just busy.

im not doing anything, im not contacting him. im possible that i could have scared him off by sending a ' have a nice weekend message' if hes frightened off by that he isnt much of a man.......

a date is a lot of effort, babysitters need to be organised/ let down, i need to sort myself out. i just want to know if its still on or not, and im suspecting not. i dont want to have spent ages getting ready, getting a babysitter organised, only to be let down and the last min.

cardibach Sun 14-Jul-13 17:09:06

10 texts in 6 days? SO more than one a day? Not really avoiding you, is he, if you are honest? He has said he is busy and will contact you when he can. That may be today, or may not be until the date tomorrow. Calm down! I think you are getting over invested and expecting too much - he has a life (as I'm sure you do). You have had no indication he is regretting planning the date if you look at it rationally.

PatsyAndEddy Sun 14-Jul-13 17:09:07

But what makes you think it isn't? You made plans, maybe he doesn't feel the need to confirm any more beyond that?

its doesnt really take less time to do a fb status, than it does to text ' smile ' or just a hi - hope you are ok' does it.

Its not just from this weekend though, it went like this from the day after the date. Had it have just been this weekend, its not a worry. But its very odd that before the date and straight after, he was after lots of contact, and now its just dropped off to nothing.

cardibach Sun 14-Jul-13 17:10:33

WHy are you suspecting not? I am really confused by this. I think the scariness Caja is referring to is the text asking if he has changed his mind about the date because you have not heard from him for what, at that stage? ABout 12 hours?

its the change in contact, before the date is was chatting via email/ whatsapp/ text all day on and off. so lots and lots of chatting, instigated mostly by him.

we dont even have firm plans other that we would do something monday evening......

CajaDeLaMemoria Sun 14-Jul-13 17:11:29

But there is no reason to think that it isn't on. He's just busy. You shouldn't be waiting, you should be enjoying your weekend too... Otherwise it seems a bit like Miss Havisham in her wedding dress!

The 'scary' text is the 'I'm not sure what's up' one. He's just busy. Nothing is wrong. That text comes across as quite clingy and needy, despite the cool and relaxed vibe I'm sure you meant it with.

The date is on for now. If that changes, blow him off tomorrow. But for now, it's on and you have no reason to doubt that. So make any plans that you need too, and enjoy your Sunday night.

Callmedreckly Sun 14-Jul-13 17:12:02

YABU

cardi - because before the date we were in contact all day, for 2 weeks. Since the date its dropped so dramatically and whole days have gone by without hearing anything.

IF it had been like that from the beginning, then yes, fair enough, doesnt look like anything is up. But when you see what it was before, to what it is now....

LondonMan Sun 14-Jul-13 17:14:52

what was daily contact, lots of texts and things throughout the day has dropped to something like 10 messages over 6 days

im not doing anything, im not contacting him. im possible that i could have scared him off by sending a ' have a nice weekend message' if hes frightened off by that he isnt much of a man.......

Bit of a contradiction between these two, the first would be far too much communication for me.

i messaged to say have a nice weekend, which he recieved but didnt reply to.

Why would anyone reply to that? It's not a question.

i have been enjoying my weekend!!! why would you think i wouldnt be?

I just need to know if i need to firm up my babysitter plans or cancel.

i dont think the text is scary,it gave him an out, i wasnt being demanding i just said if he had changed his mind that was fine but to just let me know. If someone cant take that for what it is, then they arent the person for me.

If you had dated recently, you might know people vanish on people all the time, its more likely than not to happen...

StuntGirl Sun 14-Jul-13 17:17:39

YABU. The date went well, you planned another, he's been in contact and when you queried if it was still on he replied that it was.

Imagine this is 10/20 years ago and you didn't have Facebook and mobiles to track each others every move. Chill. See how tomorrow goes. Make your decision after that.

london it might be too much comminication for you, and it might be for me if i didnt like someone, but it was ok, and nice actually. And mostly coming from him.

and no, i havent messaged him since he said he was busy, so not a contradiction at all. Im not some fool whos going to keep messaging when im not getting a reply.

and a reply to have a nice weekend... is usually ' you too' unless you lack manners.

fluffyraggies Sun 14-Jul-13 17:19:28

I'm in agreement wtith you OP, that it seems a big drop off in his level of communication between before and after the date.

we dont even have firm plans other that we would do something monday evening.

This ^ is bothering me ...

It doesn't sound like there is a date arranged ....

I'd be wondering what to do too. Not much help - sorry sad

StuntGirl Sun 14-Jul-13 17:20:11

Oh goodness snail, it sounds like you don't think this is the man for you whatever he does, so why no sack him off and move on? Save you both the bother. You're going to go into this date tomorrow with negative feelings no matter what now, poor bugger barely stands a chance.

SomewhereBeyondTheSea Sun 14-Jul-13 17:20:23

Is this an online dating guy? If so you're going to have to back off I'm afraid. Sending 'what's up?' texts is the quickest way to scare them off.
I can understand that you need to firm up the babysitting plans though. Can you perhaps just text him and say that? 'Hi, what's the plan for tomorrow? I need to firm things up with the babysitter.' Or somesuch.

youarewinning Sun 14-Jul-13 17:21:41

But before you met was all the getting the basics and flirting. A few days after is the we had a great time contact.
Now it's the we're meeting again, so if we chat too much what will we talk about time.

Id arrange the babysitter, be ready to go out and wait until he texts you where. ATM nothing seems to hint he's gonna cancel it - if you push too hard though you may push him towards doing just that.

heck im not texting him again. he knows where i am.

im not chasing after someone whos not meeting me halfway.

hes not some poor bugger who cant do right, i really enjoyed his company and was excited to see him again but

- massive drop in contact
- no firm plans other than ' monday evening'
- no contact for days.

does actually look like its not going to happy. and hell if im going to get ready and get everything organised to be left all dressed up with noonwhere to go.....

nkf Sun 14-Jul-13 17:29:19

I don't understand what you are worrying about. Is it normal for two people who barely know each other to text each other several times a day? What do you have to say to each other?

Not sure how to manage the babysitter. Maybe arrange one and if he blows you off, go out to the cinema instead.

He hasn't indicated that the date is off so I'd go on that basis-if you're really unsure just txt him re the babysitter as said up thread.

PrincessKitKat Sun 14-Jul-13 17:31:36

How did you meet Snail? Was it Internet & Monday was your first face-to-face?
TBH I'm inclined to agree with you, if he's dropped off so noticably after one date, my spider-senses would be telling me to leave it too.

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