'You don't earn bad money for sitting at home all the time'. AIBU to be peed off that DH said this to me?

(28 Posts)
Toomanyplatesatthesametime Fri 12-Jul-13 18:06:35

I work from home on a freelance basis. I mainly work school hours, plus extra hours in the evening once the DCs are in bed, sometimes into the early hours. I also do all the school runs, housework, laundry, food shopping, cooking and everything else involved in running a house. I work really hard at my work and definitely don't just 'sit at home'.

AIBU to be pissed off that DH said this? He also goes on all the time about how tired he is from work as he goes out to work and I don't. I think he thinks I just sit at home all the time filing my nails and watching crap on tv

Pollydon Fri 12-Jul-13 18:10:42

shock

TarkaTheOtter Fri 12-Jul-13 18:11:11

YANBU

Bowlersarm Fri 12-Jul-13 18:11:24

YANBU. Don't let him get away with this sort of comment. You'll quietly fume, and he'll think he's right. Pull him up on it whenever he says anything like this.

pinkyredrose Fri 12-Jul-13 18:11:49

YANBU! Why do you do so much in the house? What does he do in the house?

It really grinds my gears when some think that people who work from home don't actually work!

Dackyduddles Fri 12-Jul-13 18:11:50

Ah he's competing with you. Silly arse. He will lose...

buildingmycorestrength Fri 12-Jul-13 18:12:26

Why don't you tell him that from now on you really will just 'sit at home' and he can see how quickly all the housework and chores mount up. I'd pitch a fit if my DH ever said that, tbh. I'm also freelance and do nearly all the kids stuff so I know it is relentless. grin

escape Fri 12-Jul-13 18:13:17

He's resentful.
I'm not disimilar to you - I am the breadwinner and do it all from home.
I come from a family of cleaners, so I am SO thankful that I can do what I do so flexibly - but i's all on experience and reputation - no one 'hands' you such work do they?
If he can feasibly change his working arrangements to be a happier man, he should be encouraged to do so. If that's not possible - he needs to grow up.

WilsonFrickett Fri 12-Jul-13 18:14:01

I'm in exactly the same position and I would find this very hard to forgive. DH alluded to something similar in a row (although he didn't come right out and say it) and we had a very, very long talk about it. He won't be saying it again and tbf he didn't really mean it in that way. He was more thinking about a level of stress he has wrt office politics, etc. fair enough. Although I pointed out I have a level of stress in not knowing what work is going to come through the door every month which he doesn't.

So no, YANBU. He is.

Toomanyplatesatthesametime Fri 12-Jul-13 18:14:20

He's just reluctantly taken DD to an activity she does every Friday night, making a big show of how tired he is and asking me 'what time does she start?' even though she goes every week and as if he's doing me the biggest favour ever known to mankind

LondonNinja Fri 12-Jul-13 18:14:39

What a rude, ungrateful man. YANBU.

pinkyredrose Fri 12-Jul-13 18:18:31

You should work out the hours you work a week, set that against the hours he works a week and divide the household chores equally against the number of free hours you both have.

That would be fair wouldn't it? Why don't you put this idea to him?

You should both have the same amount of free hours, this is what I would expect from a respectful spouse.

LuisSuarezTeeth Fri 12-Jul-13 18:19:06

What a cock. Sadly I know how you feel sad

buildingmycorestrength Fri 12-Jul-13 18:23:57

Good Lord. Suggest you have this out properly and tell him to sort his ideas out!

pleiadianpony Fri 12-Jul-13 18:24:50

Ah..they are great arn't they?! My DH referred to me as a 'lady of leisure' yesterday! Those resentful little comments only seem to come up when he is feeling particularly stressed and fed up at work and probably a bit overwhelmed. I always have in the back of my mind that one day, if i'm annoyed enough, i'll just go on strike and stop doing all the things i do that contribute to running our home and family life....................grin

maddening Fri 12-Jul-13 18:27:35

I reckon that once you have a good few replies then just showing him this thread might make him realise what a twat he has been!

Pollydon Fri 12-Jul-13 18:53:05

I'm the go out to full time work person, dh is semi retired / sahd & I would never, ever think in this way, dies your selfish arse of a dh have any idea of what you do to allow him to be able to go out to work ? Childcare ? Cleaning ? Running a household? YADNBU

HumphreyCobbler Fri 12-Jul-13 19:00:52

It is not just those things, though, it is also bloody WORKING

I think he needs to be told

Ashoething Fri 12-Jul-13 19:00:55

Ah yes the go on strike thing-it wouldn't work with my dh. He would still to continue to do hee-haw around the house. The only thing that might bother him is my not ironing his shirts but I stopped doing that a couple of months ago and he hasn't even noticed<mwah ha ha>

Yanbu-your dh is an arse. My dh also thinks that I sit at home all day doing nowt. It used to really upset me but now I just don't give a shit.

WilsonFrickett Fri 12-Jul-13 19:05:07

When DH and I were having it out talking I said 'I'm happy to look for a job, let's do that' (no jobs around but there's loads of contracting work). His answer was 'but then we'll have to sort out drop offs and pick-ups and that will be mega-stressful, plus you earn a good £ for very little output (no travel, clothes etc) plus its not what we want for DS (SN).'

You could quite literally hear the penny dropping.

So try asking DP how he'd like to re-organise things. Don't forget to mention childcare responsibilities plus 50/50 chores.

badguider Fri 12-Jul-13 19:13:39

I haven't had my lo yet but I'm freelance and will be working half-time after a few months off.

My dh appreciates my freelance work but the thing that really shocked him was when we discussed life insurance and he realised how much money he'd need to cover things like childcare and help at home if anything happened to me leaving him a single father to our ds.

ARealDame Fri 12-Jul-13 19:15:49

So try asking DP how he'd like to re-organise things. Don't forget to mention childcare responsibilities plus 50/50 chores

Yeah, that. With bells.

I'd be upset, and I agree re. a long talk - maybe begin it with the above firecracker opener. (Maybe a bit passive-aggressive though great fun to watch as the actual implications of such a reorganisation dawn on him).

WilsonFrickett Fri 12-Jul-13 19:37:33

'Twas quite good fun. grin

(I would also like to clarify that I don't freelance nekkid as implied in pp. More that I don't have to buy smart work clothes.)

JamieandtheMagicTorch Fri 12-Jul-13 19:40:12

Ask him if he wants to have a serious discussion about division of labour, or shut up with the narky comments

JamieandtheMagicTorch Fri 12-Jul-13 19:40:43

badguider

Yes, that is a sobering thought

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