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It's half my money too!

(95 Posts)
grumpyinthemorning Fri 12-Jul-13 16:14:55

I'm planning on getting my second tattoo this week - finally in a position where I can afford these kinds of luxuries. I'll be paying for it out of the savings DP and I have put away over the last year. I told him this, he says he won't stop me but...

Apparently I shouldn't be touching those savings because they're the start of a mortgage deposit. This is the first I've heard of it! And he goes on about his bloody five year plan and how he doesn't want to be living in a council house forever. I'm taking £100 out of £600, it's money we don't see, we'll hardly be worse off. Then he had the front to say I shouldn't spend money on frivolities!

Now, here's where I got really arsey. See, he works, I don't, because childcare for DS would cost more than I can currently earn. I am studying for my degree, so I'm doing something! And I'm receiving child benefit and tax credits, which get spent on essentials such as, y'know, food, so it's not like I don't contribute. It's rare that I actually have any money in my account at the end of the week, so I go without luxuries a lot of the time, while he thinks nothing of stopping in at the pub after work.

So AIBU to get my tattoo done anyway, since it's something I'll always have and will enjoy, even though he's complaining about the cost?

YouTheCat Fri 12-Jul-13 16:18:22

Tell him you'll not get the tattoo if he stops spending in the pub?

Or have an agreed amount each a month for yourselves and save up. I wouldn't touch the savings for a tattoo though.

soverylucky Fri 12-Jul-13 16:20:11

if you are saving for a deposit and only have £600 I would think that money is quite tight and therefore spending £100 on a tattoo seems silly.
But I hate tattoos so am probably biased.

Trills Fri 12-Jul-13 16:20:33

You should both agree how much of your (joint) money is to be saved and how much you get to spend, and the spending money should be divided equally so that you can choose to do as you please with it.

Or take half the savings and LTB, of course.

primallass Spain Fri 12-Jul-13 16:20:48

I wouldn't touch the savings for a tattoo. Not 1/6 of it anyway.

HatieKopkins Fri 12-Jul-13 16:23:08

That's a rather large proportion of your savings, tbh. Whilst I understand your logic, and mostly agree with it, I wouldn't take that much, personally.

CajaDeLaMemoria Fri 12-Jul-13 16:23:40

I wouldn't do it.

£100 out of £600 is 1/6. It's a big chunk of the deposit. Plus, if it's savings for a deposit, it shouldn't be touched for anything else.

Your spending money is a different matter. You shouldn't spend all your income on food and essentials while he gets free money to go to the pub. Draw up a budget and divide the remaining money so that the savings account, you and him both get the same amount to do what you like with.

Then save that spare cash until you've got enough for your tattoo.

hermioneweasley Fri 12-Jul-13 16:27:06

Exactly what Caja said

The important thing is that if you live as a household then you should try to arrange things so that you have roughly the same amount of money to spend on "frivolities" each month. The fact that he is the one going out to work does not mean that it should be seen as 'his' money, when you are not able to go out to work because you are looking after your child.

Once you agree on that, and on how much goes into saving for a deposit, you can decide if you want a tattoo at that price or not.

Then you have joint savings for the deposit, and separate 'spending money' that you can use or save for your fun things.

grumpyinthemorning Fri 12-Jul-13 16:29:54

soverylucky, it would be more, but we've dipped into it for emergencies (washing machine packed up and had to be fixed, as did the fridge).

I'll admit that I'm a tad bitter because of his pub trips (I know it's only a couple of pints, but that's 3+ times a week), plus cabs to work when he wants to sleep in(£15 a pop, at least once a week), plus his debt that we're paying off - none of which have anything to do with me. I've been on at him for ages to be more careful with money, but now I want to splurge on a treat for once...

MalcolmTuckersMum Fri 12-Jul-13 16:31:14

If you had 6k in the bank and wanted £100 for a tattoo then YWNBU. However, you don't. You've got a paltry £600 of which you want 1/6 to colour yourself in a bit. If it's a competition with DP to see who can waste the most money on fripperies I expect this would put you in the lead. Either you're saving or you're not - have you actually agreed to save for a deposit?

Alibabaandthe40nappies Fri 12-Jul-13 16:33:51

YABU to have a tattoo.

YANBU to think that it is half your money.

But, if you only have £600 in savings then you actually aren't in a position to afford luxuries. And luxuries, especially if only one person is going to 'benefit' from it, should be paid for out of general spending money and not out of savings.

How are your finances arranged, do you have your own spending money that you could save up to have this done instead?

SoupDragon Fri 12-Jul-13 16:34:38

I'll start by admitting I hate tattoos but I don’t think blowing 1/6 of your savings on anything frivolous is a good idea.

I don't think I'm letting my dislike of tattoos affect my thoughts.

SoupDragon Fri 12-Jul-13 16:35:43

I do agree that it is your money too though. Your contribution is the cost of childcare.

flipchart Fri 12-Jul-13 16:36:39

If that is your only savings I think you are bonkers to spend it on a tat to be honest.

I don't think you are being unreasonable. Point out to him that the savings would be higher if he wasn't spunking £30 + per week up the wall with his stopping at the pub and taxis. The taxi so he can have a bit of a lie in would really piss me off to be honest.

Now, I love tattoos and thoroughly support you getting one if you want..

BUT: I would never dip into family savings, especially house deposit money, to pay for one.

What I would suggest instead is that you agree on a set amount of "pocket money" that you both get each week - he can use his down the pub and for taxis and you can save yours up for a tattoo.

chanie44 Fri 12-Jul-13 16:42:48

I don't think you should dip into the savings to get a tattoo.

However, you should have the same amount of spending money as your partner. If he spends his money in the pub or on cabs, that's his prerogative and if you want a tattoo, that's yours.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks England Fri 12-Jul-13 16:43:24

£100 is a lot of money to take out of your savings for a tattoo. I would be inclined in your position to save a small amount each month (like £5 - £10) if you can from your benefits. You can save money by changing your shopping habits - have a look on Money saving expert for tips and savings to all your bills etc. Then come next year you can buy that tattoo without it affecting your savings.
I think your DH could also benefit from cutting down on the socialising if he is serious about his 5 year plan.

Crinkle77 Fri 12-Jul-13 16:43:27

Have you never actually discussed what you have been saving for? Just wondered why it came as such a surprise that he wanted to save for a deposit on a house. I agree with some other posters that to spend £100 on a tattoo when you only have £600 saved is daft. Can you not ask for money for your birthday or xmas and get it done then?

Crinkle77 Fri 12-Jul-13 16:44:01

Not ask for money cos that makes you sound like a child but you know what I mean

grumpyinthemorning Fri 12-Jul-13 16:45:39

I don't benefit from his drinking or his cabs to/from work, and that can easily be £100 a month, Alibaba, where this is a one-off expense with a permanent result. Different in my mind, if nobody else's.

Malcom, we didn't actually agree, it was supposed to be for our honeymoon, which we're now postponing because of issues with family. So now the situation has changed I feel like I can treat myself a little IYSWIM.

Our finances are kind of a mess really. I do the shopping because it makes sense, I have the time and I'm generally better at meal planning etc. But then to avoid dipping into the savings I have to ask him for money for fun stuff, which I hate doing, plus I don't often feel the need for nights out or stuff like that. I'm generally very frugal, it's how I was raised.

grumpyinthemorning Fri 12-Jul-13 16:47:45

As a point, I already shop as cheaply as I can, considering that I have a very picky DS!

BeCool Netherlands Fri 12-Jul-13 16:49:10

to take 1/6th of your joint savings for a tattoo I think is excessive and YABU. Yes it is half your money - but don't you want to save?

If you really want another tattoo I would find a way to save separately for it. Find a way to put £5 or whatever aside every week (the equivalent of a pint or 2 perhaps?) and when you have enough then get the tattoo.

I'm not fantastic with money, but I do know that to save you must stick to the plan and not make withdrawals. Only take money out for planned purchases or emergencies.

A tattoo is neither. You'll get it - but find another way to pay for it.

brilliantwhite Fri 12-Jul-13 16:51:36

bet hes spent more than a 100 in the pub and doesnt justify it , get the tattoo , you dont have to justify a treat for your self either , like you say its permanent not pissed down the bog .

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