To wonder when my dh will tell me..

(76 Posts)
Broodymomma Fri 12-Jul-13 13:54:56

That he has a savings account with the lads for a holiday to Las Vegas. I found out this morning about the account but have no idea when he intends on going or for how long. We have a ds in school and I work shifts so am assuming he intends for me to take holidays to get ds to and from school.

I wouldn't mind if he had discussed his plans with me but feel like he has really taken the piss by not even telling me. Aibu or not?

wineandroses Fri 12-Jul-13 20:30:17

Oh for goodness sake - talk to him!

It must be very upsetting for you.

One possible approach might be a fairness one. Tell him that spare money gets split in three: one third for his trips; one third for you; one third for family stuff/ children. If he objects to this you would have strong grounds for tackling him for prioritising himself.

We do not have shared finances although we do have a joint account that we use for certain things. This is to help keep family money separate from DH's business as he is self employed. I do have to resist the urge to see the money left in my account as mine rather than family. DH knows how much I earn, what is in the savings accounts and we agree budgets for thing like holidays.

AnyFucker Fri 12-Jul-13 20:39:35

You sound like a complete doormat

You daren't even tackle him about it

What a way to live sad

Broodymomma Fri 12-Jul-13 20:41:57

Anyfucker there is really no need for that I intend to speak to him about it tomorrow when ds has gone to his grans. I know exactly how he will react and I do not want to discuss it when ds is around. Thanks for your input.

tbh since you've already had these conversations and nothing has changed i wouldn't tackle him about it now.

i'd wait until he brought it up and then do absolutely nothing to facilitate it. state that you thought you were clear that you don't like him not telling you and yet he's done it again. he will have to sort his own arrangements out.

as for packing his bags like his mummy, fuck that shit. stop picking up after him and make him act like an adult.

Broodymomma Fri 12-Jul-13 20:50:18

Thanks Claude. Was doing him a favour would not normally pack for him but trust me its been undone and I won't be doing anything for him from now on if this is the way it's going to be. I have my reasons for trying to keep it calm right now none of them are about being a doormat.

Certainly could not sit and be played for an idiot and will have to tell him I know all about it. Will also be dropping the news to his friends wives too as am pretty sure she does not know either

AnyFucker Fri 12-Jul-13 20:58:33

I'm not wrong though, am I ?

libertine73 Fri 12-Jul-13 21:01:07

Well, if that's the case, your OH is a total cunt.

what has he got that makes this worth it?

DfanjoUnchained Fri 12-Jul-13 21:03:20

He sounds like a prick.

I'm glad you chucked all his clothes back, let him do his own shit.

Please' don't spend 2 hours arranging his clothes when he gives you such little respect.

Broodymomma Fri 12-Jul-13 21:09:40

Anyfucker no you are probably not wrong in all honesty. I have supported him all the way in getting his businesses off the ground and in doing so appear to have become a doormat in his eyes. That has become very clear today.

Libertine - we generally knock along very well together and what we have works until he does something like this and let's me see where I am working towards a good future for our family he is taking the utter piss. It makes me look at him in a different light totally and trust me he will now wake up to just how much I do around here because it stops for him today.

Dfanjo the only time I spent on his holiday clothes today were putting them all back in the Wong drawers. Simple pleasures and all that!

DfanjoUnchained Fri 12-Jul-13 21:11:44

Seems like you do a lot for him but it isn't reciprocated much, do you think this is true?

Maybe when you tell him you know about his 'secret escape' with the lads, it would be a good time to raise how you've been feeling lately?

If he sulks then leave him to it and ignore.

AnyFucker Fri 12-Jul-13 21:11:56

I am sorry. I don't wish to make you feel worse, but this is how it looks from the outside.

Why do you let someone treat you like that? Are you frightened of him ? I can't think of any other reason not to confront him and insist on your equal rights in this relationship.

RandomMess Fri 12-Jul-13 21:12:59

I can't believe he is planning a holiday with mates away anywhere when you will be left with 2 dc to look after...

His lack of respect for you is just awful and shocking tbh sad

libertine73 Fri 12-Jul-13 21:14:31

Love, I get you, knocking along can work for ages but he really is taking the piss now isn't he?

Glad you're going to make a stand,because if you swallow this you will swallow anything flowers

Broodymomma Fri 12-Jul-13 21:14:45

No need to aplogise. Not in the slightest frightened of him. He is a selfish stupid git at times but nothing sinister. It's probably my fault I have allowed it to get like this but as I said before he had a very heavy year starting up new businesses that I felt were to benefit our family so I picked up the slack here in order for him to c

Broodymomma Fri 12-Jul-13 21:16:55

Woops. Concentrate on getting them off the ground. Looks like he has got way too used to it and he is in for a shock. Have had a hell of a time lately with family issues also and sometimes it's easier not to sweat the little things but when you open your eyes and see someone totally takes you for granted its hurtful. If I spoke to him tonight when I feel emotional i will just loose it. Tomorrow is a new day!

AnyFucker Fri 12-Jul-13 21:18:10

Glad to see you are going to stand up for yourself

I presume you "knock along together" when he gets his own way though. Expect a rough ride when you take his sweeties away.

Broodymomma Fri 12-Jul-13 21:25:15

I can handle it. I know I'm not wrong so he can have a strop all he likes. I thought about it today and know I do not want my son growing up thinking this is how you treat a woman. Makes me sick. His pal who is supposed to be going with him is coming here on Sunday to collect him for a golf day am in two minds wether to have the conversation tomorrow or wait till Sunday and as they are leaving say oh when is it you are off to Las Vegas then you pair of dicks. Think they have watched too many bloody hangover movies.

clam Fri 12-Jul-13 21:25:21

I'm sorry to say this but I think this boys' trip is the least of your worries.
"I predict as soon as its mentioned he will go in a strop and just ride it out. No matter what I say he will go."

K8Middleton Fri 12-Jul-13 21:37:12

Oooh I would still pack for him. I would pack:

A large winter coat.
All his socks.
Tooth brush.

Nothing else. No pants, no deodorant, no swimwear, no shaving stuff. Nada.

TalkativeJim Fri 12-Jul-13 21:40:20

Do you know, the only way you might get through to this absolute jerk is to make him see what he might lose.

Don't go on the holiday.

Yes, REALLY.

Say you've had enough of being in a sham of a partnership and rip the tickets up. No, don't say 'but what about DS'- drawing your line in the sand here will stand him in better stead than any holiday.

Tell him you'd rather have the time alone to think about what you want. Because you have had enough of being treated like a cross between a housekeeper and a family pet, and you think it might be time to call it a day unless things change.

I would not be able to pretend that this situation was a relationship in any real sense.

Broodymomma Fri 12-Jul-13 21:42:36

Don't be sorry clam I posted here for honest opinions. I know what everyone sayinv is right it's just sometimes hard to open your eyes to things you have let slide for a easy life.

Like the idea of the winter jumper and socks!! The fucker can do without a toothbrush though.

Bearbehind Fri 12-Jul-13 21:50:51

I definitely wouldn't have it out with him in front of his mates. You will be completely on the back foot after your initial comment and airing your relationship issues in front of others really isn't going to help.

He's wrong, you are right. Don't give him wriggle room.

RandomMess Fri 12-Jul-13 21:58:41

I've been thinking and I would either let him take ds on holiday without you, or go on holiday with ds without your dh whichever you would enjoy the most.

Tell him this is what it's like when people make plans without consulting their partner and equal...

CuppaTeaForTheBigFella Sat 13-Jul-13 11:03:37

Have you spoken to him yet OP?

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