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shouting "that's really bad parenting" out of a car window is not reasonable behavior

(117 Posts)
reallybadparenting Thu 11-Jul-13 21:56:07

this was not my finest hour:

3yo DS was having a melt down. Ten minutes away from home he refused to scoot, be carried, or walk in a homeward direction. He let me pull him for a bit on the scooter, but ended up just wanting to push it down on the pavement and stare at it. The midday sun was baring down on us both. I tried to put some sunblock on him, he hates that so more screams. Eventually I found that if I carried the scooter he would follow me crying shouting for the scooter. Shameful, but at least we were getting towards home. We reached a road crossing with traffic lights. I asked DS to press the green button. He refused, so I did, queue another meltdown from DS. When the lights changed I tried to get him to follow me across. He refused. We waited for another green light, still no movement. When the third green light came I walked across to the centre and he looked like he might follow. The lights changed and he was at one side of the lane of traffic and I was at the other and I gave up and went back over to him. The traffic had been held up a bit and someone sounded a horn a few cars back. The cars started moving and some woman shouted out of a window "that's really bad parenting". I felt like shock shock angry blush

Yes, OK, I should not have let DS more than an arm's reach from me beside a busy road. I'm quite confident about his road sense, but I should not assume drivers are sane. Bad mothering! I also should have taken the pram.

So I'm not proud.
I would have been no more proud if I'd shouted that out of the window though.
AIBU to think if she'd wanted to be helpful to me or DS she could have shouted something else, like "careful" ?

blackbirdatglanmore Thu 11-Jul-13 22:01:15

flowers The heat today has been awful and I'm impressed you managed to cope with all that without crying! Have some wine

fengirl1 Thu 11-Jul-13 22:03:40

If it helps, I have resorted to picking up dd and carrying her with her back to me so she couldn't kick or hit me..... You're far from alone.

TeWiSavesTheDay Thu 11-Jul-13 22:06:08

Oh Fuck her, like anyone is perfect.

I had a moment summer before last where I sat on the pavement and cried I was so exhausted/fed up/feeling helpless about DD and nothing working with her tantrums. We've all been there!

Hope you're getting a break now.

BarbarianMum Thu 11-Jul-13 22:07:01

I'll second the flowers and wine - you deserve them.

But I have to admit that I'd have dragged mine across (in full tantrum no doubt) rather than let them mess around (and mess other people around) by a busy road. So in some respects I think you got of lightly.

southeastastra Thu 11-Jul-13 22:08:30

what a horrible person, the world is full of judgeypant people these days, they get a snapshop of a situation and feel the need to comment.

i blame the internet myself wink

DespicableYou Thu 11-Jul-13 22:09:49

I've been there and I feel your pain.

My 3 year old is exactly as you describe.

What you did was pretty bad parenting but so is a lot of what I do at times.

doingmyhead Thu 11-Jul-13 22:10:45

Gosh imagine that .... You happened to have the worlds best parent in a car at that time!

Or maybe they are just judgemental feckers confused

Ignore!

x

maja00 Thu 11-Jul-13 22:12:17

It does sound like quite poor decision making, but understandable given you were hot and stressed. I would be very surprised to see someone cross a busy road leaving a 3 year old alone on the other side. Why didn't you carry him across?

BabsAndTheRu Thu 11-Jul-13 22:13:34

Fire mans carry always worked with our eldest who would do this a lot.
Just adding to all the others saying what a horrible thing to shout. A lot of people forget what its like having toddlers. Its the tutting that winds me up no end.

Dorange Thu 11-Jul-13 22:14:01

You are very patient.
I would not wait for 3 green lights.
I would grab his hand and pull him across the road and all the way home.
I should have been shouted at, not you.

Screaming fuck off bitch would have been appropriate.

DespicableYou Thu 11-Jul-13 22:17:29

Dorange makes a good point - I'd have bundled mine across the road kicking and screaming then probably made a stupid threat like that I would put the scooter in the bin unless she walked home properly.

That'd probably have got me shouted at too.

Guitargirl Thu 11-Jul-13 22:18:55

I am bit zero tolerance when it comes to crossing roads. Tantrums or not. They don't get to piss about near traffic. But shouting 'that's bad parenting' from a car is just rubbish and so not helpful.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Thu 11-Jul-13 22:21:18

You have the patience of a saint to have not screamed and dragged him across the road, which is almost certainly what I would have done (and regretted it later mind).

The lady in the car was an arsehole to shout that at you. What exactly was she trying to achieve?

TeamEdward Thu 11-Jul-13 22:21:38

DS2 is almost 5 and still behaves like this. I have perfected the rugby hold and haul him about under my arm. He is mortified into doing as he's told.

WilsonFrickett Thu 11-Jul-13 22:24:56

God, what a caah. You know you could have handled it better, DS probably knows he could have handled it better somewhere in his 3 yo brain but how in the name of fuck does some dozy mare shouting out of a car help?

i would have dragged him, and i have done before with my own DC when pissing about at the roadside. Firemans lift if they refuse to walk.

i would never, ever cross the road and leave a 3yo on the other side on their own, ever.

So, while i wouldnt scream at you out my car, i would certainly hoik my judgy pants at you quite firmly.

Nanny0gg England Thu 11-Jul-13 22:28:11

I think you just had one of those days that so many of us have/have had and on the whole I think you were quite restrained.

However, one point I do disagree with: Yes, OK, I should not have let DS more than an arm's reach from me beside a busy road. I'm quite confident about his road sense, but I should not assume drivers are sane. Bad mothering! I also should have taken the pram.

He doesn't have road sense; he's not old enough. I believe ROSPA reckons 7.
If he behaves like that again (and he probably will!) just pick him up and lug him across.

Otherwise, just chalk it up to experience!

DoveDovePigeon Thu 11-Jul-13 22:29:11

I hope you gave her the one fingered salute.

xkittyx Thu 11-Jul-13 22:31:57

I would have judged you for leaving a very small child on the other side of the road from you, that could have had tragic consequences. Which is probably what went through shouty person's mind too.

ll31 Thu 11-Jul-13 22:33:04

She was v rude, but I wouldn't leave a 3 yr old like that,I'd drag or lift tbh...

50BalesOfHay Thu 11-Jul-13 22:38:30

She's probably a mumsnetter.

reallybadparenting Thu 11-Jul-13 22:41:18

Thanks for being largely understanding and sympathetic. Sorry that others have suffered similar.
DH here has more sympathy for the cow in the car.

I did carry him in the end, after taking some time out on some grass by the side of the road. Hard though with bags and scooter too and against his will. I should know better than to have been there in the first place.

I think we've all made that sort of mistake with a pita toddler. It's a nightmare but you have to be brutal and lug them along and you should never have put him on one side of the road and you on the other BUT you know that now, you knew it then and no harm done. Shouting from the car just isn't helpful to anybody. I felt like shouting similarly at a woman I saw yelling at her toddler because said toddler had strayed in to a road at a shopping centre. I wanted to go and say 'hang on - you should be holding her hand,it's not her fault' but I reckon she knew that and if attacked she'd only have got more overwrought.

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