Not to be tested as a tissue match for estranged brother who needs kidney?

(229 Posts)
GoodTouchBadTouch Thu 11-Jul-13 12:53:25

My husbands brother is 28 and having dialysis (?) 3 times a week, we aren't in contact with him, haven't been for years, no big bust up, he was just a bit of a wanker as a teenager, and identifies as a communist so there was no reason to see him again when we moved. We have only seen his mother twice in 10 years.

My husband still speaks with his mother (the are Scandinavian) and she told him a while ago that its getting to the point where he will need a transplant and my husband straight away said to count him out.

She was horrified and got upset. My husband said he doesn't want to go over to be tested as there is no point and we haven't heard from her for a while but I can see it being brought up again if she isn't a match. (she is diabetic anyway)

Im relieved he feels this way of course, but didn't forbid it or anything. I was reminded by the organ thread and just wondered what you would do? As we are quite cut-off I can only see one point of view. Ours. I hope we aren't being unreasonable... I don't think so

Ledkr Tue 16-Jul-13 07:29:18

Have to add that my dh (ds step father) is being tested as a match.
It is a big op yes but we have been to lots if seminars and for a young fit person it's ok but bigger op than the recipient.
That wouldn't put me off personally.
I'm sad I can't do it for him.

pigletmania Tue 16-Jul-13 07:46:19

Totally understand Good, just because they are family does not give them a god given right to your organs. Dh brother is in the past for a reason, I am sure if the boot was on the other foot, op would not accept the kidney, however from reading te op, I don't think dh brother would donate to him somehow

WeAreEternal Tue 16-Jul-13 07:51:51

I have several siblings who I have different levels on contact with, some I speak to often, and one who I rarely see or speak to. But I would give them all an organ without question.

I also have an estranged sibling, none if us really speak to them due to (IMO) unforgivable behaviour from their late teen years and their general sociopathic tendencies.
I wouldn't even consider being tested for them, I don't consider them family and wouldn't give them anything.

DeWe Tue 16-Jul-13 10:10:17

Dm has a friend whose son's kidney failed when he was 10yo. Although he was very ill she did not want his sister (only 2 dc in family) to be tested to see if she was a match because she said "at present I have one healthy child, and one very sick child. If she donates a kidney and becomes ill due to that, I have two very sick children, and the guilt that I put her through it."

Her ds eventually found a cousin who was a very good match, but unfortunately the kidney failed after a few years. Dm still didn't want his (now adult) sister tested even though she offered, as she still felt the same way.

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