Oh dear think was a bit unreasonable but now not sure if I should apologise??

(93 Posts)

Last night neighbours across the road from us (very quiet little street) were working on their classic motorbike and revving it really loudly. Obviously windows open due to weather and this is about 20yards from our bedroom windows. We live in a bungalow and it was so loud you couldn't hear the tv at normal volume etc. It was past 7pm and we have 2 dc's. At about 7.30ish DH went out and asked how long they would be as it was keeping DS1 awake (2 1/2), they said sorry mate, we'll stop. Anyway they carried on for another half hour so at 8 I went out and politely asked them to stop revving the motor as Ds1 was upset and tired and Ds2 (5 weeks) was screaming by now. they said sure but lo and behold within 10 mins started again. Got to about 9pm and I lost it.
I stormed out the house (in my nightie I must add!) and shouted that if they didn't stop revving the f**** engine I would wrap it round their f**** necks!
They looked very shocked and stopped, I stormed back into house.

Now I don't think I was BU in asking them to be quieter late in the evening in a family area. However I never, ever swear!! DH was really shocked as he has never heard me shout or swear - I just lost it and for that I think I was BU. In my defence I have a 5 week old baby and DS1 was really upset so I was very mad but still..... should I apologise? They are our neighbours and though we don't really have a relationship with them I don't want animosity??

Lastofthepodpeople Wed 10-Jul-13 21:10:22

Absolutely YANBU. You asked nicely twice and told them the reason. They were being really rude.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf Wed 10-Jul-13 21:10:41

I don't think you need to apologise. If they are big enough to ride motorbikes, they're big enough to have their antisocial behaviour called on. And it seems like it had the right effect.

If you were a man you wouldn't be feeling all sheepish and apologetic about it. You would be pleased that you took action and it delivered results.

spangledboots Wed 10-Jul-13 21:10:48

If they're usually nice people then I would apologise but otherwise I'd just leave them to it.

Lizzylou Wed 10-Jul-13 21:11:34

Yup, notanymore has it.
But they should really be apologising for being so bloody inconsiderate.

Yama Wed 10-Jul-13 21:17:51

I would just nod in their general direction next time you see them.

JerseySpud Wed 10-Jul-13 21:19:44

Hell no i wouldn't apologise.

I applaude you.

BeCool Wed 10-Jul-13 21:21:42

They were being rude by repeatedly lying to you. So although your swearing was out of character I think your rudeness needs to be balanced with theirs. So don't sweat it. grin

But a cheery gentle apology would probably clear the air.

Dubjackeen Wed 10-Jul-13 21:23:07

No, I wouldn't apologise. They were asked nicely, and said they would stop. It's a crap noise to listen to, at any time. Maybe they will be a bit more considerate next time. I'd behave normally towards them, i.e. say hello, or wave when you next see them. If you apologise, they may just see you as a pushover. Keep the wine for you and your husband. 😉

There is absolutely NO reason at all why you should apologise, unless you would like to stay on speaking terms with your neighbours. I think it would be worth it, personally. It sounds like you normally get on well with them, why let one incident spoil it.

Dubjackeen Wed 10-Jul-13 21:24:03

No, I wouldn't apologise. They were asked nicely, and said they would stop. It's a crap noise to listen to, at any time. Maybe they will be a bit more considerate next time. I'd behave normally towards them, i.e. say hello, or wave when you next see them. If you apologise, they may just see you as a pushover. Keep the wine for you and your husband. smile

Turniptwirl Wed 10-Jul-13 21:26:58

Next time you see them just say you know swearing was a bit OTT but your tired and upset children not being able to sleep made you a bit ratty. Hopefully they will also apologise for keeping up the noise after being asked (and agreeing) to stop. I would make it clear you're only apologising for swearing though, not the actually getting cross and telling them to shut it bit

tedmundo Wed 10-Jul-13 21:27:02

Bloody hell op.

You have a 2.5 yr old and your DH has never heard you shout? Or swear (under your breath of course!!). You must be the most balanced person ever!

Don't apologise. And dont give them gifts for goodness sake. Drink the wine yourself. You deserve it for being the closest thing to a saint I have ever heard of!

congrats on the 5 week old btw. They are YUM at that age.

cees Wed 10-Jul-13 21:27:06

YABU if you go over and apologise, they were asked twice nicely and proceeded to take the piss so they should be coming round yours with wine and chocs to apologise for their shit behavior.

Dejected Wed 10-Jul-13 21:32:47

Please don't apologise. They had been asked, they had said they would stop, they knew you have young children, yet still they carried on. I'm not surprised you shouted at them.

Jan49 Wed 10-Jul-13 21:34:46

I think you should apologise for the sake of good neighbourly relations and explain about having a new baby and lack of sleep. Otherwise you could end up feeling awkward any time you see them.

But YWBU for objecting to them making a noise in the evening. It was only 9pm when you finally lost it with them, so not late. 7-9pm is not "late in the evening".

Are you a friend of the woman who didn't like the neighbours mowing last night?! I think people who are so sensitive about noise disturbing their kids in the early evening need to put their kids to bed later. If you put your kids to bed in the early evening then surely you need to either get them used to sleeping with background noise or be willing to do things yourself to cut down the distractions, such as shutting windows, rather than expecting your neighbours to be quiet.

In a few weeks, it will be raining and cool and everything will be restored to normal.smile

ShellyBoobs Wed 10-Jul-13 22:10:44

7-9pm is not "late in the evening.

^^ This.

As I said on the law mowing thread, many people don't get home until 7pm or later, so it's a bit much to think that there should be silence at 7pm just because you've got PFBs.

Having said that, they shouldn't have apologised and said they were going to stop if they had no intention of doing so. You certainly don't need to apologise on those grounds alone.

If it's any consolation to those who think they're having a bad time with evening noise, farmers are currently cutting the fields behind our house and there's loads of machinery roaring and buzzing up and down with spotlights on!

OH went out 30 mins ago to speak to some of them over the wall at the bottom of the garden...

...To see if they want a drink, as they've been at it non-stop since about 7pm. Who would have thought cutting and collecting grass was so difficult. smile

EndoplasmicReticulum Wed 10-Jul-13 22:12:59

YANBU.

The revving is extremely irritating. We have "midlife crisis man" across the road who is always bloody revving. He can't just get on the thing and drive off, oh no, it takes 15 minutes of brrrrm bruummm brurrrrrm first. At 7am on a Sunday.

You asked nicely twice. They said they would stop but were still at it 2 hours later. I'm not surprised you lost it.

reggiebean Wed 10-Jul-13 22:24:09

YANBU for being upset, but I think it could have been handled better. For the sake of neighbourhood peace, a bottle of wine and an explanation wouldn't be a bad idea.

BreadNameBread Wed 10-Jul-13 22:36:03

I would go around and make a peace offering. I think you were right to have a paddy at them. You had politely asked twice and they had ignored your, very reaonable, request. Sometimes an 'outburst' works better.

However, I wouldn't want to fall out with my nieghbours. It's not worth the aggro. I would go around and half heartedly apologise for swearing. Hopefully, your nieghbours will then also apologise for being knobs and peace will reign again.

skittycat Wed 10-Jul-13 22:49:19

Personally I think both sides are unreasonable. 7:30pm is by no means late on, and in my opinion is an unreasonable time to be asking neighbours to be quiet because your children want to sleep... your neighbours lives shouldn't revolve around your children.

However, with your neighbours agreeing to stop and then restarting, they have been unreasonable.

If I were you I would have a quiet word with your neighbours and just explain your frustrations.

babybythesea Wed 10-Jul-13 23:20:48

"My DM recalls me glaring at her for turning the pages of a newspaper over when DD1 was born!"

Oh god - I did this two or three nights ago. DD2 (12 weeks) has had a few unsettled nights. DH came to bed and started to read a paper about 10 minutes after I'd got her to sleep. And then he coughed. I was so sure he'd wake her and so desperate for him not to that I smacked him on the arm and had a (whispered yet still slightly demented) go at him. He was a bit surprised at the force of my reaction! I did apologise but also said if he woke her he would be on rocking the baby duty for the hour or more it took her to doze off again.

Lora1982 Wed 10-Jul-13 23:32:37

Surely any apology would have them thinking that you're apologising for swearing AND shouting. You should not be apologising for shouting, if it was me I wouldn't be apologising for either

IneedAsockamnesty Wed 10-Jul-13 23:49:15

People mistakenly believe that ANY noise no matter the volume or annoyance is ok between 8 and 11 that's not the case during those hours your noise still has to be moderated to a reasonable level if its not its a neighbour nuisance and could lead to action against you.

Constantly revving engines for several hours will be considered unreasonable in the vast majority of incidents.

Snazzyenjoyingsummer Wed 10-Jul-13 23:55:40

Apology for shouting and swearing, yes. Wine or chocolates, absolutely no need! They were at fault here too!

It might be no bad thing in the long run as now they should know how annoying it can be.

BrianTheMole Wed 10-Jul-13 23:58:20

I wouldn't apologise. They totally ignored you and carried on with it. Someone revving an engine for that long would really piss me off, never mind the kids.

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