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to take a holiday without DS1?(52 Posts)
DS1 (8yo) is going on holiday with his Dad this year, abroad, for 1 week.
We have 2 other DC (4 and 2yo). We have the option to go away whilst DS1 is at his Dad's (not at the same time as him being abroad). I feel awful that we won't be taking DS1, but I will also feel awful if the other DC's don't get a holiday. It will just be camping in France, but we've done it the last 2 years running with all of them.
I don't know what to do
What's fair in this situation?
1) DS gets his holiday, we go away without him
2) DS gets his holiday with Dad and comes with us (would need to be at a different time so with be a strain financially) (also will mean he's a holiday 'up' on the other 2)
3) DS goes on holiday and we have a 'holiday' at home (DH take the time off, we do holiday things, we live in a holiday destination anyway so wouldn't be hard)
This is the first time DS1 is going away with his Dad so not had to deal with this before...
Talk to ds1 and see how he feels.
Gosh - double checked prices for the week before and it;s more than double. I don't think we could afford it. Will prob have to be option 3 then. Just feels unfair that they will all have to miss out.
I guess I feel bad because DS1 gets everything when he goes to his Dad's. His weekends with him include Centreparks, Zoos, Legoland, Thorpe Park, camping ('glamping', rather) and we can't afford any of this. He gets a lot more than the other two and soon they will be at an age where they see the difference. Camping in France for a few days is really rubbish compared to 10 days in Florida.
Fun picnic with bubbles? Seriously?
I would go with option 1. I don't really see the big issue if you ordinarily do lots of things with all three DC as a family. This is one of those things about being in a blended family. If you couldn't afford a holiday, wouldn't it be unfair on your younger DC's that DC1 got to go away with is dad and they didn't?
Option 2, without a doubt. Your older son could end up going away with his dad every year and you'd never have a holiday with him.
x post. Go with option 1, definitely.
Damn - I know DS would be gutted to know he'd be missing out...
I would go for option 2 as I think it is the fairest but then again I am not in your situation. Good luck
But he's going to miss out anyway, if you can't afford to go unless it's the first week of school? So either way DS1 isn't going on this holiday?
Bareing in mind I have no experience of step families, I think option 1 is fine.
I am reading between the lines here a little and thinking that maybe DS1 is starting to get a little spoilt by his dad. If he is starting to gloat at his younger sibs, he is now at an age to learn that sometimes he doesn't get it all.
Sounds really harsh writing down, I'm finding it a little difficult to say what I mean. Btw camping in France is an amazing holiday, imho much more fun than Florida.
Don't envy your decision x
I don't really think your DS1 is missing out. He's getting a holiday with his Dad. You said you'd all been away this year already. So it works out that all the children have had 2 holidays.
I don't know whether I'm being clear.
DS is going away for 10 days in the middle of the school holidays.
He is also with his Dad for the week that he starts back at school.
We can afford to take a holiday with the other two in that week (DS2 doesn't start school until the following week).
The only option for taking DS with us would be to take the holiday the week before he goes back to school, and this is £££.
I don't know anything about step families either but I think option 1 is fine. Is 8 old enough for him to understand some of the thinking behind all this - that unless you and the younger DC go the week he is at dad's, they won't go away at all? Sounds like he'll be having a fun time anyway. Plus he's off to Florida!
I would also pull him up on winding the 4-year-old up, that's absolutely not on, regardless of what you end up doing.
Oh believe me I try Mrs Oakenshield.... it;s a fine line though between him wanting to talk about all these great experiences, and bragging. I don't want him to think we're not interested in what he does at his Dad's, but at the same time it must be hard on DS2.
People are being a bit strange about this. DS1 is getting a fantastic holiday, you have realised you cannot afford to take them all away but have an opportunity to take the little ones.
Go with option 1. No question at all. And don't feel guilty about it.
he is getting a holiday, you all get a holiday, seems perfectly fair to me!
This year my older two (dd and ds1) are going to camp and then to Norfolk with my parents for a total of three weeks. We are going to take the younger two (dts) to California.
I'd end up tying myself up in knots if I tried to do the same thing for all of my kids all at the same time!!
I think last year we had one alone (no kids), two with the whole family, and dd and ds1 got two seperate weeks away just for the two of them! Oh and dd and I had a weekend away. So dd had 5 holidays/short breaks, I had 4, dh 3, ds1, 4, dts 2 each! No one complained it wasn't fair, we jsut all made the most of our opportunities.
Next year I would love to pack the dts off somewhere at some point and go away with jsut ds1 and dd.
btw, post wasn't intended to be bragging , I actually comp for a hobby and won most of them. That's something I've learned with comping though, I rarely win for 6 people, so we do have to share things out. Things like film premieres, show tickets, etc are usually only for 2 people, so they have to take it in turns, according to their interests. They are all very good about it though, cos they realise that their turn will come and they get away from their siblings for a bit and get the quality time then.
I would discourage the bragging too. The kids do come home from these things on a high and tell their siblings all about it, and sometimes they are laden with goody bags and all sorts, but they are nice about it!
I think some posters are missing the bit about DS1 being away on holiday with his Dad while you are away.
Option 1. You've already had a getaway together, and this way everyone gets a holiday.
OP .... obviously don't know the dynamic, but is it really not possible to talk to DS1s F about changing his week in September?
Otherwise, given that the Florida info is now on the table, I would go with taking the younger two while he at his fathers.
At 8, Florida vacation will trump missing out on the hol with siblings.
That's just reality (tho I am sure it doesn't sit easily for you )
And as per a previous poster, I would jump all over any bragging!!
I thought he was just staying with his dad squeaky the first week he starts back at school
He'll be at school while op is on holiday with 2 younger dcs
Yes, and during the holidays the younger two will be at home with mum while DS1 is in Florida for 10 days. Fair doesn't mean they all get to go everywhere.
option 1 is the fairest, it's the only way all your children get a break.
I would still sit down and explain it to ds1 though but more in the terms of this is happening not seeking his opinion.
you have limited choices due to finances as we all do, option 1 is the fairest.
Maybe plan a day or 2 for the future just you and ds1 as a compromise.
Option 1. I think at 8 he is old enough for you to be able to explain that you cannot afford to go at the same time he is away with his Dad and that is why you are going in September. He is getting a fab holiday in Florida after all.
This is a situation where it's impossible to be "fair" to everyone (at least not in the eyes of an 8 and 4 year old!) so just do the best you can and don't feel bad about it.
I would go option 2 - mainly because you dont want to leave son out of your home family set up. My step daughter and I (15) were joking about her summer holidays this year - she is currently in Spain with her mum and partner and has 4 days at home before she is on holiday with us. We try to package it as the bonus when mum and dad split up (2 Christmas days/holidays etc.) Our daughter (9) totally accepts that it is fair that her sister gets extra sometimes and appreciates that her sister has some things in life that are not so fair - living between two houses etc. I cant remember if when she was younger she could see that or not. While we have had our ups and downs I think we have a pretty good blended family and a lot of that has been down to trying to ensure my step kids are included in all our family stuff. (this will be more from your husbands point of view) You can spoil the others when DS is away with dad if you want. I appreciate we are very lucky and I am thankful that I have such lovely kids in my life so it may not be so easy for others who dont get on with the ex wife etc
ps - my 2 step sons (19&21) are not so happy though as we are doing Florida this year and they are both working. They are making their presence felt though with orders for converse etc to be brought back!
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