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to take a holiday without DS1?

(52 Posts)
SonShines Wed 10-Jul-13 10:16:35

DS1 (8yo) is going on holiday with his Dad this year, abroad, for 1 week.

We have 2 other DC (4 and 2yo). We have the option to go away whilst DS1 is at his Dad's (not at the same time as him being abroad). I feel awful that we won't be taking DS1, but I will also feel awful if the other DC's don't get a holiday. It will just be camping in France, but we've done it the last 2 years running with all of them.

I don't know what to do sad

What's fair in this situation?

1) DS gets his holiday, we go away without him
2) DS gets his holiday with Dad and comes with us (would need to be at a different time so with be a strain financially) (also will mean he's a holiday 'up' on the other 2)
3) DS goes on holiday and we have a 'holiday' at home (DH take the time off, we do holiday things, we live in a holiday destination anyway so wouldn't be hard)

This is the first time DS1 is going away with his Dad so not had to deal with this before...

catgirl1976 England Wed 10-Jul-13 10:18:04

Option 2 for me if you can afford to do it.

LieweHeksie Wed 10-Jul-13 10:18:55

option 2.

livinginwonderland Wed 10-Jul-13 10:20:25

Option 2 if it's possible. It's not really fair for an 8 year old to be home knowing his siblings are away and he's not invited sad

LastTangoInDevonshire Wed 10-Jul-13 10:20:43

Do the 4 and 2 years old have a view? Have they discussed it between themselves, or with you, and come to the conclusion that "it's not fair"?

If no, then what's the problem? It's all in your mind FFS.

SonShines Wed 10-Jul-13 10:21:08

Is that fair though, that DS1 gets 2 holidays, and the other 2 only get one?

If you can afford it, I would give DS 2 holidays. The others are too young to understand anyway, they won't hold it against you. You could also have a nice day out while he is away with his Dad.
If you can't afford to do this, have a chat with your DS and explain your position. I doubt he'll mind if you do explain that you don't want your other DCs to miss out.

SonShines Wed 10-Jul-13 10:22:00

DS1 will be with his Dad when we are away.

He's likely to wind up DS2 that he's had an extra holiday

Suesue22 Wed 10-Jul-13 10:22:18

Option 2 it's not your ds fault he's going with his dad. Why should he miss out on family holiday?

would need to be at a different time so with be a strain financially, I don't really understand why this is the case. Are you paying for him to go away with his Dad? If so, why?

SonShines Wed 10-Jul-13 10:23:17

It probably is in my mind...it's just a tough decision to make.

Bear in mind that at 4, DS2 is more aware, so he will be aware that DS1 is in Florida whilst he is at home

SonShines Wed 10-Jul-13 10:24:27

DS1 is with his Dad for the week that he starts back at school. DS2 doesn't start until the week after so we could take the holiday in term time, at half the cost of booking it for the week before, which it would need to be if we take DS1

Option 2 or 3.....it's not fair for you all to go away without him.

Is that fair though, that DS1 gets 2 holidays, and the other 2 only get one? Well presumably as you and his dad have split then he has been through stuff he feels isn't fair too. At 4 and 2, the others are too young to even care.

SalaciousBCrumb Wed 10-Jul-13 10:26:20

Option 2 definitely. DS2 may be aware that DS1 is in Florida, but he's 4 - he won't know that much about what that means unless you/DS1 tell him. It should be fine to say "yes, and we're all going on holiday later" and tell him about the family holiday. I think excluding DS1 from the family holiday would be very divisive.

SonShines Wed 10-Jul-13 10:27:16

Betty - me and his Dad split up before he was born, so I wouldn't say he's been through stuff that he feels isn't fair hmm

SonShines Wed 10-Jul-13 10:28:02

We have already had a little break camping in this country together BTW - maybe should have said that in OP!

Oh I see...sorry, you didn't say that in your OP.

However, he is still in a situation where he has a split family whereas your other 2 DC are lucky enough to have a mum and dad living altogether - it must make him feel a little different and so if you all take a holiday without him surely it will make him feel excluded.

I dunno, I wouldn't but then I don't know your full situation.

ShadeofViolet Wed 10-Jul-13 10:30:11

As a child I went away with my Dad while my siblings went away with my Mum and SD.

I never minded and it didnt seem odd to me. However how would your DS feel about it?

ChasedByBees Wed 10-Jul-13 10:31:59

I still would go with option 2 with something really special while DS1 is away for the others, like a really fun picnic with bubbles and a park. Cheap but special.

Still18atheart Wed 10-Jul-13 10:34:14

Probably option 2

Would it even click with your two youngest dcs that your DS1 would be a holiday up. Especially with the 2 year old???

Sorry if that's a silly question.

Mckayz Germany Wed 10-Jul-13 10:34:37

My DSes are having a holiday with their dad and we're going away with DD.

I don't see a problem with you going away while he's on holiday with his Dad.

NotWilliamBoyd Wed 10-Jul-13 10:35:01

So your DS1 is missing the start of the new school year? I wouldn't be at all happy about that.

Think it's a tricky one, my DC at 4 would have been extremely aware if a sibling had had an extra holiday, particularly if that sibling was likely to....... comment on it!

It's hard for us to comment as every family is different - a friend has the same family dynamic as the OP (eldest child from previous relationship, younger 2 with DH 2) and the younger 2 are very jealous of the eldest as he has 2 homes, 2 bedrooms, 2 dads (obviously not really but in their eyes) etc

Hullygully Wed 10-Jul-13 10:35:07

I'd do 1

Everyone gets a holiday, every year will be different.

You've already all been away together and maybe you could do another night camping at another time

MumnGran Wed 10-Jul-13 10:35:19

You say that your best holiday option falls when DS1 is with his father, but not when they are abroad.
Are you able to juggle times with your X so that DS1 can holiday with you + go away with his DF ....and then have the rest of the planned time with DF on a different week.
Just a thought.

Otherwise, I would wait and all go together. Your other two are far to young to worry about being a holiday up or down in competition with their brother, but I do think he will feel excluded if the main family holiday of the year is taken without him.
If it means not having quite so many treats while away, then thats a fair trade for me ....but the juggle of holiday weeks with F still seems best to me.

ovenbun Wed 10-Jul-13 10:35:20

option 2...
but while ds1 is away perhaps let ds2 choose a really special day out so he has a treat too?

Also I would use it to have lots of conversations about when nice things happen to our friends and family that it makes us happy too...you could use examples from your own life..

there lives aren't going to be 100% fair in terms of what money/time and experiences each one receives throughout so the sooner they learn to be happy for each other when nice thingsd happen the better smile

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