AIBU to think this is not normal - caution PIL related.

(30 Posts)
littleredragon Mon 08-Jul-13 10:07:47

I have been with my DH for 21 years including 15 as a married couple. We have 3 children. We live quite close to PIL.

I've been having a bit of a hard time with PIL recently. Anyway my statement is this. I know EVERYTHING about them and could actually do a family tree on them and tell you all about each and every one of their lives. However, when asked my PIL did not know my mothers name (she died before I met DH), can not tell me the names of any of my siblings and could not tell me which town I am from. I am not from Australia, I am from England like them, so it's not a case of being from a different continent.

So I ask you, AIBU to think that if I am not treated with indifference (which I did accuse them of during an argument), they would know some of that right?

SarahAndFuck Mon 08-Jul-13 14:17:58

I do my budget for Xmas e.g. we will usually spend 60 pounds on PIL. Then I reduce it e.g. to 40 pounds. Then I go out and spend the 20 pounds on myself e.g. a scarf, new lipstick or nail varnish and I wear it when we have to meet up over Christmas. I sit there thinking, thanks very much PIL!

I like your style OP! grin

tomverlaine Mon 08-Jul-13 14:38:59

I appreciate there is history but I don't think not knowing these things automatically means anything. DP's parents are interested in certain aspects of my family (the more unusual aspects) but I don't think they know where I'm from, names of siblings/bils etc. Some people aren't interested but I think its circumstantial - they don't meet my family much -family events- when they do there is normally more going on to focus on (eg more of the extended family)- i think they also think I am interested in their family as I am (sort of) part of it- I don't equate interest in my family as interest in me necessarly

Hi Op, my ex-ILs were always indifferent to me. When I threw exDH out after finding out about his affair they cut me dead from that point onwards. I do now look at him and all the red flags and feel that they are enablers for much of that behaviour. The indifference should have also possibly warned me but what you do about it I don't know.

EmmelineGoulden Mon 08-Jul-13 15:16:41

OP if you are the one that does all the running, perhaps you need to tell your DH not that you intend to go low contact, you just don't intend to make any more effort than he does over his parents? Would that give you the sapce you need?

PS - love the nicking part of their present allocation for yourself! That's genius, but also, yes, a little mad grin.

quoteunquote Mon 08-Jul-13 16:25:34

start every sentence with

"When my mum ...(full name)... did ....."

"In ...(town).... they have ..., just like..."

"My sister ...(full name).... has

"when I was growing up in ...(town)..."

every single thing you say use the things they are missing as a reference point,

Only stop when they have acknowledge how import these things are to your life, why should it be white washed out.

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