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About this family occasion?

(64 Posts)
MoleRat Sun 07-Jul-13 16:14:28

My parents are having a big celebration lunch later this month. It's for their anniversary and it's a big occasion, there are about 80 guests attending, all family friends and extended family. I know they have put a lot of money in it, and I was really looking forward to it.

My parents said myself and my siblings could all invite friends, and both myself and my sister have invited old childhood friends, ones which our parents know- we were under the impression as it was a big family occasion they would like to see friends which they have known for years.

Now my 16 year old brother is taking his new "girlfriend". (I use the term loosely as he says they aren't officially dating, but they might eventually) None of our family have met her. This will be the first time any of us meet her, with our entire extended family and family friends.

AIBU to not want her to attend? I wouldn't mind if she was someone who I knew or my parents had met but she is a complete stranger. She also isn't my brother's girlfriend really- I wouldn't invite someone I was seeing for a matter of weeks to a wedding or similar event.

What a horrid attitude!

DHs brother bought his new girlfriend to a close family dinner to celebrate his grandmothers 90th.

We were all a bit hmm as the other brother had said I shouldn't go (long standing partner of DP (now DH)) as we was not married and he couldn't afford to bring his wife over from Europe for the occasion. So me, not having a ring on my finger, was an issue for one person, new girlfriend was an issue for all of us and DH's grandma said but out - everyone bring someone who makes them happy and shut up about it.

BIL actually ended up marrying new girlfriend and everyone is happy.

So lesson is that everyone will have an opinion but really the only one that matters are those of the people whose celebration it is.

MoleRat Sun 07-Jul-13 18:11:04

I guess I was just worried because it is a girl we never met before, he's my little brother, first girlfriend etc etc

Obviously I would be polite and friendly to her at the party- I would never dream of being rude or hostile to a) basically a child and b) create tension at my parents celebration... It was just me feeling unsure and doubtful about the invite!

Honestly I am not controlling and I want my brother to be happy, but personally I still think such an event shouldn't be the first time to meet not just parents, siblings etc but entire extended families.

As some posters have suggested, I texted my brother about meeting her beforehand- even if it's not with my parents, or for dinner or whatever, just a quick hello, nice to meet you

Gobbolinothewitchscat Italy Sun 07-Jul-13 18:22:43

Sorry - don't agree. My now DH came along to my aunt and uncle's 35th wedding anniversary party hosted by my parents. Everyone was delighted to meet him and he got to meet all the family and friends in one fell swoop.

I would have been very hurst if my sister had reacted the way you did. Thankfully she didnt as she's very welcoming

maddening Sun 07-Jul-13 18:29:04

Well if meeting her is important invite your dbro and his gf out - treat them to pizza and a film - you have a couple of weeks before the party.

WeAreEternal Sun 07-Jul-13 18:32:29

As other have said.

It's not your party, if your parents are happy with her coming then it is none of your business.

If it such an issue that none of your family has met her before why not invite her round for lunch one day.

Crumbledwalnuts Sun 07-Jul-13 18:36:22

I understand you. But I think you're wrong because it doesn't really matter.

RoxyFox211 Sun 07-Jul-13 18:50:20

Yabu. Poor girl.

WireCat Netherlands Sun 07-Jul-13 19:00:23

You sound mean.

Be nice to her when she's there. She will be so nervous.

maddy68 Sun 07-Jul-13 19:08:50

OMG poor kid! seriously you are being VVVV unreasonable
a) its not your party so nothing to do with you whatsoever
b) your brother has invited who he wants there, you have invited who you want to be there
c) whoo gives a flying fuck if shes never met you before - what a great opportunity for her to meet everyone in one swoop
d) you do sound rather controlling sorry!

MrsBungle Sun 07-Jul-13 19:14:44

Yabu. Not your party. You've got to invite people. Your brother wants to invite this girl. What a mean attitude.

coney77 Sun 07-Jul-13 19:19:34

You're bonkers and YABU.

My brother asked our sister if he could bring a girl he'd been seeing for a few weeks to her wedding. She was lovely and we all got on with her.
They've now been married nearly 3 years.
If it's such a big family and friends affair, you'll probably be able to avoid her if you don't like her.

purrpurr Sun 07-Jul-13 19:34:25

How horrid. I can't understand how you could possibly actually believe what you're saying, it's bonkers. So, I'm wondering if there are other reasons you don't want your brother to introduce his girlfriend at this family gathering. Do you normally receive a lot of attention at family occasions? Are you concerned he will take some attention away from you? Or that his girlfriend will?

Also, are you really, really old? How is a 16-year old 'basically a child'? I'm 28 and can still remember being 16, and I was not a child. An adultling, perhaps, some sort of halfway creature, but definitely at least able to eat solids on my own using a knife and fork. I think I was even allowed to use real cutlery, no sporks.

pigletmania Sun 07-Jul-13 19:38:21

Yabvvvvu it's not your say. Dont be bloody ridiculous. My family comes from th Med, and sh would be welcomed with open rms and treated really well, offer the same op!

ImNotBloody14 Sun 07-Jul-13 19:48:00

Does it really matter if you know her or not? confused your brother gets to invite who he wants just like you did. You arent the invite police.

There will be 80 people there. You mightnt even have time to speak to her if you mingle with them all.

trackies Sun 07-Jul-13 19:54:50

OP I have an aunt who has always pointed out things such as this that she thinks r inappropriate. excluding people cos she doesn't know them or like them. Or saying that they should nt be bought to party or meet my gran. We don't speak to her anymore cos she is a control freak. Not saying that you are but you will come across like one. Your bro prob sees this as an opportunity to meet his family without too much one to one contact with each member. If you hassle him you will just seem uncool and interfering

JoyceDivision Sun 07-Jul-13 20:13:21

Are you too scary for his friends that do know you to come so he has had to ask a stranger who hasn't yet you yet, just so he doesn't have to go on his own?

grin

He's 16,its a family do,he wants to enjoy himself, better have a friend and be happy than bring someone he's not fussed about being there and having a face like a slapped arse!

PicaK Sun 07-Jul-13 21:14:24

Are u sure you're not a bit jealous cos he's got a date and u haven't?!

Serialdrinker Sun 07-Jul-13 21:20:06

Marking my place for approximately 8 years time when said 16yr old girl comes on to rant about bat shit SIL!

ilovechips Sun 07-Jul-13 21:27:42

It's none of your business, it's not even your party. It sounds like your parents gave each of you carte blanche to bring a friend - how dare you try and dictate who your brother brings? You are his sister not his mother, just because you are older doesn't mean you get to call the shots. I find the idea of you asking to meet her beforehand really condescending, as if you are trying to vet her in advance. What if you don't like her? You going to tell your parents how awful she is and make sure he doesn't bring her?

SarahAndFuck England Sun 07-Jul-13 21:28:07

YABU. Out of 80 people, one sixteen year old girl you haven't met before isn't going to make any difference to you. No more so than one sixteen year old girl you've only met once anyway, if you do happen to meet her before the party.

And would you feel any better or worse if he'd invited another friend, male or female, who you hadn't met? Is it just the possible girlfriend status that's pissing you off?

Imagine how she will feel. You will already know the other 79 guests, she will only know 1 of them. If your parents were that bothered about meeting her first then they could have invited her home before the party.

I see you have asked to meet her, but perhaps she will feel under less pressure to meet people when the entire focus of the visit is not on her as 'potential new girlfriend' but on your parents as 'anniversary couple'.

Or are you afraid she will steal the limelight somehow?

LouiseSmith Sun 07-Jul-13 21:35:24

That poor girl she is walking into a family home, and you have already taken a dislike to her.

celticclan Sun 07-Jul-13 21:41:57

You are being extremely self-centred. Do you not like your brother?

maras2 Sun 07-Jul-13 21:42:12

You still don't get it do you?

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