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To not want to meet friends tomorrow for picnic as they'll be drinking?

(244 Posts)
ChangeyMcChangeName Fri 05-Jul-13 23:59:50

My friends (a couple) have recently gotten over a bad health scare...it was her...the female half. She had a terrible illness which came on suddenly and almost killed her.

She's been out of hospital for two weeks. Her DH suggested my DH and our DC go to see them tomorrow as theres a very nice beauty spot near their flat....we could have a picnic with the DC he said. I agreed...our DC are 5 and 8 and theres are 3 and 1.

Then I got a txt saying "We're going to be having a couple of bottles of wine...so bring a beer or whatever if you want..."

AIBU to get a bit judgey? She's still recovering...I mean she was in a MESS....she was at deaths door. We're going to meet them on the train as we have no car atm...so drinking isn't really a good idea...and we;ll all have the DC with us.

Am I a big misery guts? It's just put me off a bit. We're not drinkers really so I said no we wouldn't be drinking.

deste Mon 08-Jul-13 17:19:39

Unless she has had liver failure,then I don't see what your problem is. And actually,even if she had ,then I really don't think it's your place to tut.
Well she did hilda. As I said, all her organs were .......thats where it said it was liver failure.

VitoCorleone Italy Mon 08-Jul-13 12:44:35

Well its really up to her what she does with her body (although if she has liver damage then id be pretty concerned about her having alcohol)

Not on the same scale, but i have a really bad chest infection and im still smoking heavily. And i dont think id appreciate somebody "having a word" with me about it.

D0oinMeCleanin Mon 08-Jul-13 10:37:45

I have to drink for the sake of my children. How can dd1 perfectly time asking for the debit card so she can buy a ridiculous pair of shoes I would never agree to paying for whilst sober if I stop drinking?

She waits until I've just the right amount of alcohol. Not enough and I'll say no, too much and I get "silly" apparently hmm and don't say no, but won't tell her where the debit card is or what the password is to the acc she is trying to use because I am "too busy being silly with Aunty X"

She is unhappy atm because Aunty X has gone back home and we didn't have a wine fueled night in together, she is being suspiciously nice to her sister and has tidied her room, she wants something and it's expensive.

Annakin31 Mon 08-Jul-13 10:17:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

imademarion Mon 08-Jul-13 10:06:53

Bogey, ha! No it doesn't!

I thought your post was interesting. I didn't read the OP as she had been judgy and arsey with her mate on the phone, rather that she was surprised and worried that this Lazarus was planning to drink (at least) a bottle of wine and didn't want to be part of such an irresponsible act.

I totally failed to pick up that the OP was teetotal too!

I absolutely agree about the degrees of alcohol (ab)use, hence my post about questions to ask. Prompted by the furious defence of drinking in contravention of sensible medical practice so shriekingly defended by so many subsequent lushes posters. wink

Bogeyface Netherlands Mon 08-Jul-13 09:39:25

I think she's justified in commenting and not wanting to witness her friend doing somethingdangerous for her own health.

I dont think that anyone would disagree with you ima

The issue most people had was that instead of having a quiet word with her friend (which what I assume you meant by commenting) about whether it was advisable to drink so soon after her hospital stay, she got snotty.

She was judgemental not only about her friend, but about anyone who drinks alcohol based on the fact that she doesnt drink so doesnt get why other people might want to. She was saying that she was so disgusted she may not attend the event. She couldnt celebrate her friends recovery from major illness because "To almost die...have your life taken away...leave your DC...get saved by the NHS (WTF has that got to do with anything?!) and then to go off and drink alcohol. Wrong." Yet she didnt know for sure that her friend was going to drink, she just assumed the worst, which suggests she doesnt think much of her friend at all.

Sadly there is never any middle ground. The drinkers assume the non drinkers are priggish goody goodies who are smug and sneery and the non drinkers assume the drinkers are pissed up arses who cant face the day without a bottle of wine inside them and regularly wake up in pools of their own vomit. While both do exist, they are by no means the norm, but that doesnt make for a very good bunfight does it? grin

LadyClariceCannockMonty Mon 08-Jul-13 09:33:33

How high are your judgypants, OP, and aren't they a bit uncomfortable?

Get over yourself. You don't have to drink if you don't want to.

I'm a non-drinker, by the way, so am not being defensive about my right to get pissed or anything like that.

imademarion Mon 08-Jul-13 09:25:51

echt, the questions were my thoughts in response to those those same 'spirited' replies.

It's an interesting debate, though, how far should/do you go to protect your friends from themselves?

These boards are full of advice to 'sit down and tell xxxx how you feel about xxxx'

I think she's justified in commenting and not wanting to witness her friend doing somethingdangerous for her own health.

YouTheCat Mon 08-Jul-13 09:23:37

Me too.

I want to know if she did go to the picnic and if they all ended up inebriated and slurring, covered in sick.

Mintyy Mon 08-Jul-13 09:11:34

I would love an update on this one.

echt Mon 08-Jul-13 08:59:31

imademarion the D&A counsellor's Q and A have no bearing on the OP's question. There is no question of coercion, so not sure what point you're making here.

The OP sees it as a health issue, and others that, health or no, it's not her business to interfere. The OP did rather invite a spirited by response by positioning herself as judgey, so was taken to task on that basis.

imademarion Mon 08-Jul-13 08:45:32

ETA.

A D&A counsellor I know suggests people ask themselves how they would feel imagining not being allowed to drink for a month.

A shrug? No problem.

Feeling of panic and worry about how to fill the evenings? Maybe think about how important alcohol has become to you.

Howls of fury at how under control your drinking is, what business is it of anyone else's, furious defensiveness and justification? Draw your own conclusions.

As I understand, the OP sees this as a health issue.

An awful lot of people seem to take it as a personal attack on anyone who drinks.

imademarion Mon 08-Jul-13 08:39:41

michelle, I too don't claim to be a non drinker.

But I think planning to drink a bottle of wine (a couple, two bottles, OP to bring her own) implies an emphasis more on the booze than enjoying life, a sunny day, a picnic, your kids, your friends and a second crack at good health.

All of the above are perfectly enjoyable without drinking.

People really don't need to drink to have a good time, and if they do, there's a problem.

amazingmumof6 Mon 08-Jul-13 08:18:20

noon- drinkers grin grin grin grin ( have I just invented something? )

I meant non-drinkers!

amazingmumof6 Mon 08-Jul-13 08:17:00

michelle feel free to read back my comment.
I'm a non-drinker. I don't judge people who drink a bit.

you accuse all non-drinkers of being judgemental and blind to the fact that there are levels of drinking, yet you are just as judgemental about noon-drinkers.
hypocritical much?confused

sweetestcup Mon 08-Jul-13 08:11:21

The OP said the illness was caused by drinking.

No they didnt. They said it was multiple organ failure and havent mentioned what the illness or or what caused it.

MichelleRouxJnr Sun 07-Jul-13 23:52:57

Isn't it 'funny' how non-drinkers make it blatantly obvious they have no idea and yet still pour their ignorant judgements upon those who do enjoy an occasional alcohol drink?
There is a widespread and ridiculous misapprehension that drinking alcohol ALWAYS = falling over, puking, talking rubbish...

Puking? Um ... no, not since I was maybe a 19/20 yr old student.
Falling over? Um...no, can't remember ever losing the use of my legs after a few glasses of wine
Talking rubbish? Um...no. Lively conversations, laughter and debate maybe.

Alcohol consumotion is on a spectrum ranging from a glass of baileys at christmas to clinical alcoholism.
To suggest that any adult drinking any amount of alcohol is at the same level of risk as another is ridiculous.

If you want to be taken seriously, stop generalising and casting your ill-informed aspersions upon adults who actually have experiental knowledge of something you frown upon from your pedastals.

JackNoneReacher Sun 07-Jul-13 23:26:50

pissed in the park?

expatinscotland Sun 07-Jul-13 23:19:50

And where is the OP, really? hmm

JackNoneReacher Sun 07-Jul-13 23:19:47

Where did she say that?

deste Sun 07-Jul-13 23:16:21

The OP said the illness was caused by drinking. It doesn't matter if its on a picnic or at home, it's the drinking again that's the problem. Our NHS is over-stretched as it is without people deliberately going against doctors orders.

JackNoneReacher Sun 07-Jul-13 22:06:38

deste the friends illness was not caused by a glass of wine on a picnic so is really not comparable to your friends lung cancer.

Xmasbaby11 Sun 07-Jul-13 21:54:58

That's a tough one, and I can see why you're alarmed given what your friend's been through. The thing is that she will drink whether you're there or not, so you should go and be a friend. It doesn't matter whether you drink or not. Perhaps by talking to each other you will understand each other better.

CoteDAzur Sun 07-Jul-13 20:58:30

"I just don't feel "right" drinking on a picnic with children!"

Don't drink then.

"It's so unnecessary!"

So is a picnic. Sometimes people do things for pleasure rather than necessity.

"Drinking is for adults..."

And only adults will be drinking the wine. Do you think they will pour some for their children?

YABU, judgemental, and yes "a big misery guts".

Snoot Sun 07-Jul-13 20:42:02

I think the point is that it's her business (recovering friend!) and none at all of judgy-judgy OP.

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