To not want to meet friends tomorrow for picnic as they'll be drinking?

(244 Posts)
ChangeyMcChangeName Fri 05-Jul-13 23:59:50

My friends (a couple) have recently gotten over a bad health scare...it was her...the female half. She had a terrible illness which came on suddenly and almost killed her.

She's been out of hospital for two weeks. Her DH suggested my DH and our DC go to see them tomorrow as theres a very nice beauty spot near their flat....we could have a picnic with the DC he said. I agreed...our DC are 5 and 8 and theres are 3 and 1.

Then I got a txt saying "We're going to be having a couple of bottles of wine...so bring a beer or whatever if you want..."

AIBU to get a bit judgey? She's still recovering...I mean she was in a MESS....she was at deaths door. We're going to meet them on the train as we have no car atm...so drinking isn't really a good idea...and we;ll all have the DC with us.

Am I a big misery guts? It's just put me off a bit. We're not drinkers really so I said no we wouldn't be drinking.

Cravingdairy Sat 06-Jul-13 00:58:34

The text might have meant 'we're going to be bringing a couple of bottles of wine' i.e. one red and one white for all the adults to share. You can't assume from the text that the lady is intending to chug down a whole bottle to herself. You don't know what she plans to do. It's not really your business but if you feel you have to, why not raise it with your friend instead of jumping to conclusions and judgments?

ilovesooty Sat 06-Jul-13 00:59:14

I can't believe you're arrogant enough to sit in judgement about her choices. Just don't go if you're unable to keep your disapproval to yourself. It would be better if you didn't spoil her day.

Snoot Sat 06-Jul-13 00:59:26

If you can't help judging her just stay away from the picnic, you'll ruin it. You sound like incompatible friends which is ok, just don't ruin her special day.

AgentZigzag Sat 06-Jul-13 01:05:26

The OP doesn't have to say what's wrong with her friend wannabe, it might out her.

She's not cheating you out of something if she doesn't, like if you came back with 'well why post if you're not going to say', it's up to the OP.

Butterflywgs Sat 06-Jul-13 01:08:17

OMG, OP you are being very judgemental and nasty.
Presumably your friend knows more than you about her condition and the advice she has (or hasn't) been given.
It's not about alcohol, it's about her right to do what the fuck she wants with her own body.
I'd feel the same if it was smoking. Although smoking has been scientifically proven to be bad for your health; in moderation alcohol has not. In fact there is evidence that a glass or two a day has beneficial effects. But even so, anyone has the right to smoke. My nan had lung disease and continued to smoke. Died last year at 88, having been independent until the last year of her life. I would never have presumed to tell her not to smoke - she wasn't a drinker and it was one of her few pleasures in life towards the end.

VestaCurry Sat 06-Jul-13 01:08:57

Just don't go. They and you can then do as they/you wish.

If you are this worried about your friend, then you should speak to her about your concerns.

AgentZigzag Sat 06-Jul-13 01:11:08

'If you are this worried about your friend, then you should speak to her about your concerns.'

Probably not a good idea to dump this one on her at such a time?

It'd just bring more shit into her life.

It's the OP's problem, so she should keep it to herself.

(said in a non-shitty way)

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Dumpylump Sat 06-Jul-13 01:41:17

I don't understand why op seems to be assuming that her friend is going to be knocking back an entire bottle of wine by herself. confused

mollygibson Sat 06-Jul-13 01:48:49

Hi OP, if you're worried about your friend, why not have a word to her - she might be able to put your mind at rest; maybe she's been told it's OK to have the occasional glass of wine. Just because they're taking a couple of bottles of wine doesn't mean they're planning on drinking the whole lot.

Don't really see the need for snide/nasty replies tbh even if the OP is being unreasonable/judgemental.

AgentZigzag Sat 06-Jul-13 02:04:25

Why should the friend, who's just been through a traumatic situation, have to put the OP's mind at rest, molly?

Why should she have yet another thing to worry about?

If the OP's any kind of friend, she'll stop any of her hoiking from leaking out in front of her mate. If she did say anything, she'd be saying for selfish reasons of her own rather than out of any care for her friend.

I know people who think they have a right to make you aware of their harsh judgements of you, even though it's only their opinion and fuck all to do with them. 'I insist you listen to me and do as I say', and then get shitty when you tell them where to get off.

suburbophobe Sat 06-Jul-13 02:23:55

True, Agent. Some people think they have the right to tell you how to live your life.

None of us know how or when we will pop our clogs.

My grandad gave up smoking at 92, he died at 94.

A friend died of lung cancer at the age of 49. She'd never smoked in her life.

Just saying....

Idocrazythings Sat 06-Jul-13 03:32:49

I suppose my feelings would depend whether she was having a glass, or getting smashed (I'm guessing you mean she'll be drinking heavily). You sound like you were very worried she would die, and were possibly quite involved supporting her DH and now she's out of hospital are scared she's going to go straight back there. Can you tell her that? If she is going to drink several bottles (to herself) and disregard her recovery then maybe rethink the friendship?

If its just one small glass as a one off then YABU.

ThreeMusketeers Sat 06-Jul-13 05:58:30

Do not go to that picnic, you will ruin it for them.
It is NOT your place to judge.
Don't drink yourself but butt out of other people's lives.
Gosh, you do sound such miseryguts.
People who have been at the death's door want to enjoy and make a most of the life they have been given back.
If having wine at a picnic is what makes her happy, they she should have that wine.

daisychain01 Sat 06-Jul-13 06:16:12

Surely the reason to post on this AIBU is precisely because its about checking out a situation. Telling Changey don't go on the picnic and that she is being 'judgy' is remarkably immature given the context she described and is missing the point. She is clearly concerned about her friend - If i had witnessed my friend on life support only weeks before then I would feel equally as worried.

Changey, you are being a caring friend and thank goodness for people like you around! You have good cause to have concerns, but unfortunately all you can do is hope your dear friend will be sensible and look after herself.

If possible go along to the picnic and ensure your friend sees you are there to support her. Difficult though it may be, I am sure she wants to have fun with friends around her after that scare.

luxemburgerli Sat 06-Jul-13 06:50:06

I think you're getting a hard time unnecessarily OP.

Your friend nearly dies in hospital, you and her family willingly spend lots of time and energy supporting her. The doctors say "avoid alcohol" and she apparently doesn't. I think that yes, under these circumstances, she IS answerable (to a certain extent) to others. Sometimes a bit of judging is a good thing.

That said, it is her choice in the end. So IMO you could reasonably bring it up with her. Along the lines of "I must have misunderstood, I thought the hospital said no more alcohol". But if she refuses to heed medical advice, it is her decision. And it would then be your decision whether you stick around and watch the eventual fallout.

HappySeven Sat 06-Jul-13 07:32:44

Have you considered that she's possibly thinking of having a glass and the two bottles are for you all to share with a choice of colour?

If she's really been told to avoid alcohol then she's being daft but it really is her choice to do so. You can say 'as a friend, I'm worried about you, do you think you should drink?' but at the end of the day it's her choice.

bearleftmonkeyright Sat 06-Jul-13 07:35:38

Fucking hell, is everyone enjoying kicking the OP hmm. Clearky your friends illness has been a massive shock to you OP. But her health is in hee hands. I agree as a separate issue, that alcohol at a picnic with kids is unnecessary but its their choice. I hope you go, I just think you are worrying.

maddy68 Sat 06-Jul-13 07:38:42

Omg. A picnic in the sun us lovely with a couple of bottles. We are planing to do the same!!!
You are on the train do perfect to have a drink no driving!!

If you don't want to drink then don't? No one is forcing you!

You found like a bag of fun tbh. Not someone I would want to share a picnic with

fairylightsinthespring Sat 06-Jul-13 07:40:00

I agree that the wording of the text from the husband is suggesting that they are bringing a couple of bottles to share, and that you might want to bring some too, so there's enough for all of you. Without knowing what the illness was caused by, we can't really say of she is being unwise, but if you are that close, presumably you could ask her on the picnic, what the drs have said about alcohol, express surprise if you like, but maybe do it in a way that you are so pleased her recovery is good enough to allow it, rather than judging her behaviour to be dangerous and selfish.

raisah Sat 06-Jul-13 07:42:49

If you are worried about their ability to drive you back to the station then call a cab but do go to the picnic & give your friend a hug. She almost died and she wants to share a lovely day with her loved ones with good food and drink. Enjoy it with her & try seeing life from her eyes. What would you do if you came back from deaths door?

LoveBeingUpAt4InTheMorning Sat 06-Jul-13 07:45:58

I think you are being premature in deciding she's battering her body again

ilovechips Sat 06-Jul-13 07:47:07

I don't think you should go to the picnic. You clearly can barely contain your disapproval of your friend so you would likely ruin their day. I would hope any friend of mine would be glad I was still alive, not posting judgey twattish posts about my personal choices on mumsnet.

ImagineJL Sat 06-Jul-13 07:49:17

YANBU.

All this "her body her business" stuff really annoys me. What ever happened to caring about other people? Aren't we allowed to be concerned about those we love, and what damage they may be doing to themselves, or to the people around them?

I'm guessing she had cholecystitis and was septic with multi-organ failure? (bit of a shot in the dark, but the low fat diet suggested that as a possibility)

Whatever she had wrong with her, if it involved liver failure then she is barking mad to have a drink at this stage, and like you I would feel sad about it, and wouldn't want to be there while she was drinking.

Of course it's her decision, but it would be a sad state of affairs if we all just shrugged and said "hey, not my business" when people did dangerous things. Where do we draw the line? I tried to help my cousin when she was drinking 40 units of vodka daily. But hey it was her business, maybe I should have stayed out of it. I know that's not what OP's friend is doing, but I'm making a point.

TobyLerone Sat 06-Jul-13 07:50:04

You sound like a barrel of laughs, OP.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now