Note: Please bear in mind that whilst this topic does canvass opinions, it is not a fight club. You may disagree with other posters but we do ask you please to stick to our Talk Guidelines and to be civil. We don't allow personal attacks or troll-hunting. Do please report any. Thanks, MNHQ.

Mil related

(38 Posts)
nona2706 Fri 05-Jul-13 21:17:55

So mother in law asks us tonight to take her shopping.now we had just bathed the children and put them to bed and were eating ourselves.now we always take her everywhere without asking for anything and yet she never does anything for us its always for her other children/grandchildren. On Tuesday my partner was at work and i had the hospital to see about gettin my gallbladder removed and she couldn't watch our 2 boys as she wasn't well.this has been the excuse for the past month anytime we have needed something yet when her other son needs the children watched she always does it saying as its no problem.
would i be unreasonable to tell her to grow up as she is now acting like a child in that she says we never do anything for her so why should she do anything for us etc.
So bloody angry.

nona2706 Sat 06-Jul-13 00:06:21

My boys are 2 years 9months and 11 months she is 47.define comfortable please as i think its comfortable. And my boys are well behaved when at their grandparents as my mother kept them for 4 days recently and said they were a pleasure to have and she is keepin the youngest on the 18th for a few nights so that we can take the older one camping.

nona2706 Sat 06-Jul-13 00:18:40

Blackeyedsusan she doesn't care if we aren't well she still expects us to run around after her.as iv said there have been a few times iv been barely able to move and dopped up on pain meds she has told me to get on with it and i still had to take her.she doesn't know what the word no means.

Benby Sat 06-Jul-13 01:12:15

Hi nona
I think that's my wonderful mil your talking about cause I could have written your post. My mil is exactly the same I have 2 dd's and my eldest is 3.5 and my mil last minded her when she was 18 months old. It was for 2 nights while I was in hospital but my dh had to stay there the 2 nights as well.
When it comes to our dn she takes him 3 weekends out of 4 he is always having " sleepovers " in nana's and when my dd asks she is always brushed off.
She favours my dh's brother too so its only natural that she will favour his kids. It hurts our phone only rings when she's looking for something and its really bad at the minute as she's recovering from an illness and I'm not working and dh is on holidays from college so of course we should be at her beck and call and when we say about sil helping out we get told sure she can't do anything she has 2 kids. I'm like what have I got then scotch mist ! !
Anyhow how we've dealt with it is we only do for her what we want to. And anything else she needs to sort herself. We do most of the running about for her but we limit it to once a week. We don't get involved with house stuff and that ( Christmas decorations are world war 3 level ) we leave that to number 1 son. It's been working ok but I think things will get a bit tough again when dh goes back to college as I don't drive and there is only 2 days in a weekend and that is our family time.
But I'll worry about that in September. Take a step back from them all and put yourself first. I'm lucky my dh knows what his mam is I know its harder when your fighting against it on your own.
Best of luck
Benby

nona2706 Sat 06-Jul-13 01:21:31

Thank-you benby your post made me well up a little bit as me and him have just had another row about how manipulative she can be.my partner takes the car to work but she expects me to get up wake the 2 boys and take him at 6.30 in the morning to take her shopping when there is perfectly good buses that run through the day that she can get. And to make it worse he agrees that she shouldn't have to carry her shopping on the bus!She used to do it when she had 4 young children in tow so i don't see why she cant do it now saying as she is perfectly healthy.
My eldest is starting to pick up on it now and asks why x goes to nannies but he doesn't and why nannie doesn't like him. sad It makes me so angry that she can make him feel like this at such a young age.

Benby Sat 06-Jul-13 01:46:51

Ah nona don't be silly now they couldn't possibly get on public transport now could they , and they can't carry shopping with the arthritis in their hands and the bus stop that is 4 doors away is far to far away to walk too.
My eldest dd is starting to ask aswell why her cousin is always sleeping over at nanas. What can you say it's heartbreaking.
She also never listens to us when we talk and just ignores us or talks over us. My heart goes out even to my dh when we visit its distressing to see how she treats him. My dh does often say to me why can't she be normal like my mam.
We lost a twin pregnancy back in may and the morning that we were having the scan to either confirm everything was ok or confirm we'd lost them there was no call or txt or nothing to say good luck or everything will be ok. After we got our bad news I went to the loo and when I came back dh was a bit upset. I asked him what was wrong and he said when I had gone the loo a chap was sitting beside him and the chaps mam had rang to see how everything had gone with their appointment. My heart broke for him and she never rang either he eventually rang her at 5 o'clock and all she said was it was for the best it happened early and not later in the pregnancy. And it could be worse look at x ( x had cancer )
We have had no support during this time and we're not suprised by that either.
She won't ever change so all we can do is change the way we deal with her.
Regards
Benby

Nona your MIL is younger than I am, tell her no and leave her too it.
She sounds like a nasty piece of work.
When your Dh asks if you don't like his mum, just say No I don't she's very unsupportive, she is way too young for you all to be treating her like a little old lady. My 74 year old mother runs me about when I visit, and is looking after my 19 year old at the moment.
When my Mum is at ours she watches my 8 year old while I go food shopping, so if my 74 year old Mum can do it for a few hours, your 48 year old MIL has no excuse, but selfish.

ChasedByBees Sat 06-Jul-13 02:18:34

Why can't she get a bus? She's 47, not 80. confused

When she tells you to get on with it, just say that might have been possible if you'd had your consultation. But you are in too much pain. She doesn't worry about telling you she's ill. Just keep repeating no. If your DH/DP wants to run around, fine. No reason you should.

3amagain Sat 06-Jul-13 02:38:49

I was imagining an elderly MIL but she's only 10 years older than me and I have a toddler and a newborn! Why can't she manage on her own, get buses etc.

Let your DH get public transport to work if he thinks she needs the car - he'll soon change his tune!

MummytoKatie Sat 06-Jul-13 05:01:21

"Sorry - but I'm not safe to drive on this much medication. I don't want to crash the car with you/your mother in."

Bloody hell! I thought she was elderly. She's a year younger than me and I have a 6, 7, and 11 year old and I manage to run around after them.

I think you need to get this thread moved to Relationships and get the folks there to help you sort out your DH and MIL. Though you have had excellent advice here.

PoppyWearer Sat 06-Jul-13 05:46:57

That's a good point about not being able to drive on the medication. When I was either pumped with painkillers or having a gallstone attack, driving was something I most definitely avoided!

myroomisatip Sat 06-Jul-13 08:08:17

Oh my word I feel for you. I suffered from gallstones for years because the attacks were infrequent and I ended up vomiting and thinking it was just 'something I ate'.

How does MIL contact you? By phone? Can you not answer and then dial 1471 to check up on who called or get a 'caller display' or answer phone.

Withdraw as much as you can and dont interact with her kids either.

3littlefrogs Sat 06-Jul-13 08:35:35

She is 10 years younger than me and I am working, still have a house full - youngest is 15 but still lots of running around - she needs to get on and sort herself out.

Just say no. She is an adult and should not require assistance from anyone for normal, every day living.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now