please give me your opinions about mother approaching dh on school run..

(242 Posts)
wintertimeisfun Wed 03-Jul-13 16:25:36

would you have alarm bells rining if your partner/dh told you a women he often sees on school run (he shares it with me due to my job) & exchange smiles (as one does with many of the other mums to be friendly) has approached him asking him if he wants to be her 'cycling buddy' as she has seen him cycling. he said he was quite taken aback as he doesn't know her and has only smiled to before. possibly she thinks he is single etc or it could be literally just what she suggests although she could have approached anyone. tbh i wouldn't go upto someone else's partner at the school gate and ask them if they want to come with me to ie the gym or on a trip to do what i do for a living (if i had heard he was also into the same thing). opinions please... i am not very comfortable with it (or he) and i am not a posessive type, quite the opposite normally

wintertimeisfun Wed 03-Jul-13 16:41:36

fwiw he is a good man, really good. he is also very naive or at least has been in the past. he has a look that some women are attracted to (he looks different to the other dads, long hair etc), i don't know, could be nothing at all but what i think odd is that he has never really spoken to her thus certainly no cycling chats and then, bam, she approaches him to go cycling. i am a bit pissed off that she has gone up to (more than likely) someone elses partner, and no, if it was a bloke approaching him i wouldn't give a shit.

Yonihadtoask Wed 03-Jul-13 16:41:55

The woman isn't Marina from Last of the Summer Wine is she?

grin

video

maja00 Wed 03-Jul-13 16:42:30

Does it really matter if she wants a cycling buddy or if she thinks he's single and is interested? He can just say no thanks, or mention his wife in passing.

Don't think it's a big deal really.

Salmotrutta Wed 03-Jul-13 16:42:48

Well, if he's uncomfortable he just needs to say no.

Squitten Wed 03-Jul-13 16:42:56

You haven't said what his answer to her was?

Salmotrutta Wed 03-Jul-13 16:43:45

Yoni - that's what made me imagine the leopard skin coat etc. grin

Pennyacrossthehall Wed 03-Jul-13 16:44:27

fairylightsinthespring

Ultimately, it doesn't matter what HER motive is, provided you trust your husband and he is actually worthy of that trust. She could be a rampaging maneater but it doesn't matter in the slightest if your DP is a good, faithful bloke.

This is the key point, and it won't take him long to work out what her interest is.

thebody Wed 03-Jul-13 16:45:04

Marina[[ .😄😄]]

thebody Wed 03-Jul-13 16:45:33

Oh fuck... 😃😃

Burmillababe Wed 03-Jul-13 16:46:06

She probably thought he was single. And so long as you trust him, be flattered that someone else finds him attractive! And I agree with other posters, nobody can 'steal' someone. The fact that he told you about it would suggest that there is nothing untoward in his mind

tethersend Wed 03-Jul-13 16:46:15

It's absolutely fine.

Just make sure your DH turns up on a tandem with a home made model of you on the back.

Hey presto! Problem solved.

wintertimeisfun Wed 03-Jul-13 16:47:05

he said he was taken aback but said ok although still no numbers exchanged. really weird for me to feel so 'girly and insecure' all of a sudden, like someone is an intruder/knocking at the door ie an uninvited guest as i am so just not like this. dh is a musician, successful one too and been around the world with girly hang ons and i have never even thought about it, i can't believe i am stressing about his :-D i guess it is because it is on my door step and i see her regularly. why has she gone out of her way to befriend him, he said she said (quote) i have been meaning to ask you if you want to be a cycle buddy (even though he has never spoken to her before). its just not the done thing to go upto somone else's partner and ask them if they want to share something with you (if you don't know each other), i don't think so anyway.

trackies Wed 03-Jul-13 16:48:44

that he has never really spoken to her OP, knowing that i do think she's trying her luck and the cycling thing is just an excuse to see if he's up for something. She might not realise he's married, or may not care.

Salmotrutta Wed 03-Jul-13 16:49:15

Well, he just needs to cycle off very fast so she can't keep up. Easy.

BegoniaBampot Wed 03-Jul-13 16:51:06

Tbh, I probably wouldn't really like this. Is she attractive?

trackies Wed 03-Jul-13 16:53:13

ok so he needs to prepare himself for her giving his number with an brush off so he's not caught off guard again like actually i prefer to cycle alone but thanks alot for the offer or thanks for your number. I can't remember mine, so i'll call you and then don't call. Nightmare !

FriendlyLadybird Wed 03-Jul-13 16:53:13

What does being a cycling buddy entail, exactly? My DH, known to be a musician, is always being approached by people -- men and women -- and being asked for advice or lessons, or invited to play/sing with them. There have been occasions on which the other party has wanted something a bit more from him, but that doesn't make the other requests odd, iyswim.

FriendlyLadybird Wed 03-Jul-13 17:04:24

X-posted. Funny that your DH is a musician too. He probably gives 'groupies' the brush-off very easily, but wasn't expecting to meet one at the school gate, especially who talked to him about cycling!

FoundAChopinLizt Wed 03-Jul-13 17:09:05

I would love to say i would be fine with this, but I wouldn't.

Dh would also not appreciate me approaching another man in that way.

wintertimeisfun Wed 03-Jul-13 17:14:44

i spoke to a friend who knows this women and said she (my friend) would NOT be at all happy if she was me, she said she is angry on my behalf. btw she is pretty so doesn't help. i am upset that this has come from nowhere and that i feel i am thrust into a tricky situation which smells dangerous to me. i wouldn't put dh in this situation ie approach a good looking man that i didn't know and ask him if he wanted to come to the gym with me as i had seen him around in gym clothes confused

CloudsAndTrees Wed 03-Jul-13 17:15:29

I wouldn't like it. Unless she knows your DH just happens to be some kind of cycling trainer then she's asking him because she fancies him. Presumably she knows he is married, so she has crossed a line.

You just don't ask other people's husbands or wives to be your 'cycling buddy'. If you want cycling buddies for the sake of having someone to cycle with, you join a cycling club!

ENormaSnob Wed 03-Jul-13 17:28:20

Its weird and i think your instincts are right.

I need a walking buddy but wouldnt even ask any random mums at school let alone the dads.

thebody Wed 03-Jul-13 17:32:52

Just tell him he isn't going and any more nonsense slash his tyres.

Go to the school gate and introduce yourself as another cycling buddy and would she care to join the 3 of you.

Actually that sounds like a threesome!!!

digerd Wed 03-Jul-13 17:34:03

Sounds very iffy to me too. Your DH was just being , naively, polite to a lady when he unthinkingly said OK and now regrets it. It is not like a bridge partner. Although my SIL was insecure with DB's female married bridge partner.

DorasMummy Wed 03-Jul-13 17:34:30

YANBU, this does sound a bit weird.

Has she ever seen you together and is actually aware he has a partner? Could she think he is single if you are there on different days?

The thing that is weird for me is that it's kind of outside social norms to suddenly propose something like this to someone you don't know, apropos of nothing. My DH is quite reserved and would be uncomfortable with some random school gate mum wanting to pal up with him on his cycles and having to make polite chit-chat when he'd rather just do his own thing.

It's not just because it's a man/woman situation that I think it's a bit odd, I try to get to know another mum a bit before I suggest an out of hours activity (to make sure we get on and she's actually up for being friends!).

I'd not worry about your DH as he's clearly not interested in her. If she does happen to have some kind of designs on him, she really only stands to embarrass herself and cause some playground gossip...

What did he say? Did he feel he had to say OK as he was on the spot?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now