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Aibu and need some advice reg sil cat when visiting with my baby

(35 Posts)
Cherub1002 Wed 03-Jul-13 10:44:14

Hi all I thought I'd make a posting to get some advice just in case I am being over the top.

I have a 5 month old daughter we have yet to visit sil at her house as we haven't been invited which is fine. Hubby says that sil would like to invite us round. There is one thing that unsettles me is her cat. I have looked after her cat whilst sil has been on holiday. The cat is quite shy and scares easily. One day my sister visited me whilst I was looking after the cat and and it attacked her - was very scary, claws came out - it looked vicious! I had to put the cat in a room away from my sister.

I think the cat is scared of loud noises and can snap. So if I do visit my sil I would like her to send the cat out or put it in a room somewhere - I know this sounds a bit demanding but I don't think I can settle if I visited her and it would kill me if the cat had a go at my daughter.

My daughter is testing her voice at the moment, she gets really excited and screeches her voice so I think if the cat was in the same room the noise would scare the cat.

Hubby says that sil said that the cat doesn't like babies but it won't go anywhere near her. This doesn't sit well with me having seen the cat attack my sister which sil is aware of.

I want to be able to say please lock the cat out or in a room, it won't be a long trip as we only live round the corner so I think it will just be a half hour visit - not too cruel to lock the cat in a room.

Am I being over the top? I can't see how sil thinks that the cat won't have a go and I don't want to test it out to see what happens I just want the cat out when we visit - why put my baby in danger to find out.

I am a bit over protective, I'm thinking of leaving if she doesn't keep the cat away.

That cat has some claws!

thegreylady Thu 04-Jul-13 11:38:35

My two cats stay well away from young children-they hide under the bookcase when we have small visitors.If the visitor is my 6 yr old grandson they will approach him because they know him and he loves cats.
I have always had cats and have 9 grandchildren none of whom have ever been hurt in any way by any of my cats [or dogs when we had them].
That said I always offer to put the cats out of the room if a visitor is wary and would not be at all hurt to be asked to do that.

quoteunquote Thu 04-Jul-13 10:09:10

put a few drops of citrus oil on baby's blanket, the cat will stay away.

edam Thu 04-Jul-13 10:07:33

If this was an ordinary cat I'd say YABU esp. as you will be right next to your baby at all times given she's five months old but a. you are her Mother and entitled to be protective and b. the thing about the cat throwing herself across the room to attack your sister is very strange and extremely worrying.

Ask your SIL to shut the cat out during the visit - I hope she'll be fine about it, given she knows the cat is easily startled and aggressive when startled.

Judyandherdreamofhorses Thu 04-Jul-13 10:03:48

Some people are very odd about pets. I have my niece here today. She's a bit wary of dogs - hasn't been around them much as DSIL is very allergic to them.

DDog is in his crate. He'll be in there until DNiece feels happy about him. If she doesn't, he'll stay there (not all day, just when she's here, as if we were going out). He doesn't care, he's a dog. He's asleep, in fact. I want my DNiece to be happy and comfortable here because I love her.

The cat hates babies and children so is outside, by choice.

Cherub1002 Wed 03-Jul-13 19:54:27

Well most of you are saying the cat will most likely run away, but has your cat attacked anyone ?

Me and hubby have been talking about it and he too feels a bit uncomfortable as the cat is unpredictable and has attacked people, but maybe it's different with a baby. I'm clueless as I have never had a cat, it's just kinda put me off seeing her attack my sister.

We will go and visit. If sil doesn't agree with putting the cat out then we will still go and hope the cat will keep away. I suppose we can't ask her to send the cat out every time we visit with our dd.

LittleNoona Wed 03-Jul-13 17:22:23

I think you are being a teeny bit U, but I can understand why.

I have 4 cats of different temperaments. In my experience cats avoid babies. They don't like the noise!

I wouldn't be too worried taking my baby to a house with a cat.

BUT if my sil - or anyone else with a baby/toddler - came round, I would rather they ask me to get the cat out/away than sit there feeling uncomfortable or clutching the child to them and shooing the cat away themselves as if it were a rabid dog (that really gets my goat!)

JerseySpud Wed 03-Jul-13 17:13:31

i think YAB a bit U

Its the cats home and all cats i know just ran away from the kids when they were babies.

If the cat is locked away everytime a baby comes around they will associate the baby/child with being locked away.

My semi feral was fine when i brought my baby home or friends brought their babies around and she just went and slept in our room out of the way

Nottalotta Wed 03-Jul-13 17:09:43

I would ask politely and say you are worried, maybe unnecessarily, but you would't feel comfortable about visiting if the cat isn't in a different room. (i have quite a crazy cat but he is very tolerant of my nephews)

margarethamilton Wed 03-Jul-13 16:47:24

Tread carefully. My SIL has been moody with me since I asked her not to dangle my baby in front of her old, sleepy, grumpy cat when he had his claws out and was ready to pounce!

It doesn't bother me when people want no engagement with our dog, but people are touchy about their pets.

frissonpink Wed 03-Jul-13 16:34:18

My MIL refuses to put her two aggressive dogs away from my 8 month old.

Which is why she's only seen DD 3 times since she's been born.

Mother Lion indeed, but why the hell take the risk! If SIL wants to see your daughter, putting cat away is hardly a big ask, is it?

Burmillababe Wed 03-Jul-13 16:30:55

I would suggest meeting elsewhere too - less stressful for everyone (but then I have a cat who can open doors!)

Potteresque97 Wed 03-Jul-13 14:59:58

hmmm 5 mins away? well, i'm sure even if she got a bit upset when you brought it up, anyone else she discusses it with is more likely to agree with you re keeping the cat away. even though mine are harmless, if a friend asked me to keep them in another room I wouldn't conclude they were batty.

I have 5 cats, if someone visiting with a baby asked me to keep them away I wouldn't have a problem as the cats are my choice, I don't inflict them on anyone who's not comfortable (although my only friend who currently has a baby plops her baby on the ground to crawl around after the cats grin)

None of mine are viscous, or would in any way hurt a child. Most of them were around when ds2 was a baby and I never had a second's worry with them, they are extremely calm around babies. But if a mother was uncomfortable I'd shoo them out of the room in a heartbeat.

If I had a cat who was aggressive with children, or likely to scratch at all I wouldn't even have to be asked, the cat would be kept away. My parent's cat used to be like that, terrified of kids and likely to scratch and they warned every parent coming in the door and removed her if the child wasn't old enough to be told to keep away from her. Funnily enough she's mellowed in her old age and lets my children rub her now shock but for 14 years she was a terror around children.

maras2 Wed 03-Jul-13 12:16:11

I've always had cats and I wouldn't mind putting them outside or in another room if requested.Mind you I'd have to find them first as they inevitably bog off at the very sniff of a baby.

Cherub1002 Wed 03-Jul-13 12:13:26

Potteresque97 - sil has seen the baby and has always come over ours as we live 5 mins from each other.

Frenchjunbug - I hope you are right!

FrenchJunebug Wed 03-Jul-13 12:06:09

I have a cat who is also scared easily and a baby. The cat runs a mile from the baby. YAB a bit U. The cat will be more scared of the baby and is not likely to attack!

Potteresque97 Wed 03-Jul-13 12:04:23

Why do you have to meet at her place? You could invite her over for lunch or tea instead if she is grumpy re cat but you still feel you should introduce the baby. If you end up going round and she isn't keeping the cat separate, pit it in the baby carrier. My cats kept away themselves though.

Eyesunderarock Wed 03-Jul-13 11:50:14

I don't understand why anyone would object to having a pet put in a different room or outside if a visitor is nervous about it.
Dog, cat, snake. If you have visitors and they are worried about something, then you ought to try and accommodate that fear. Even if it doesn't make sense to the host.
I think any uncaged animal with an unfamiliar, small, loud, grabby child is better off elsewhere. For both of their sakes.

malteserzz Wed 03-Jul-13 11:44:21

If it was a normal cat I would say just keep an eye on it but that one sounds vicious have never heard of a cat attacking someone like that ! Definitely ask her to shut it away

If the cat has already attacked a child then that's a completely different matter. When I was talking about mines, she recognizes children and wouldn't hurt them.

Cherub1002 Wed 03-Jul-13 11:29:11

Thanks LunaticFringe and all. When sil gets in touch I'm going to ask her to move the cat out. My instincts are telling me that it might turn into a heated debate because of the type of person she is. She doesn't have kids. She even told me herself that the cat attacked her friends daughter. I will have to put it in a way that I don't want the cat to be upset - I know what her response will be oh don't worry about the cat..... sad

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

samandi Wed 03-Jul-13 11:17:41

It's absolutely fine to ask her to put cat outside or in another room. Better for the cat too.

My girl cat would happily go for me if she got a bad fright or we annoyed her but she would never go for the baby and has been fine with the toddler, he managed to pull her fur and she just tapped him, no claws. She acts very different with the kids.

I have only chanced it because they are my cats though, I have no choice.

Cherub1002 Wed 03-Jul-13 11:11:17

If the majority of you have cats and they keep away from babies then I will feel a bit better. Sil thinks that the cat will stay away.

If I hadn't of looked after her cat and witnessed it attacking my sister then I would be fine and quite relaxed. I just can get that awful scene out of my head!

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