Neighbour kid is annoying me! Help!(161 Posts)
We just had new neighbours move in right beside us. The day they started moving in an adorable 9yr old boy walked into my house, introduced himself, proceeded to tell me how we will be seeing a lot of him. I thought it was cute at the time. I didn't even think to say something about it then because he's new and overly excited. I let it slide. (noted that keeping the doors locked would be a good idea incase he's used to just walking in on strangers)
I have a 2yr old boy, 3yr old girl and an 8yr old girl. My two toddlers keep me hopping as it is. We don't have play days everyday because its just too much. Anyways, this new child comes over about 10am the day after. No problem! My oldest girl was delighted to have a friend right next door. I was excited for her as well. Most of the morning was spent perfect. Then lunch time came around and I told him if he wanted to stay he was welcome but had to go home and ask his parents if it was okay. Not two minutes later he was back and his dad asks if I can watch him for a little while they have to run out. Uhhh... What?! You don't even know my name. We have not met before and that's the first thing you ask me? * mind boggled* Being neighbourly I say " sure, that's okay." So he stays for lunch. We continue playing outside. He starts fighting with my three year old daughter over every toy she has. I get that he's a single child but at 9 he should know how to share and not snatch. Yet every time I or my DH caught him he claimed she did it first.
Then dinner time rolled around ( take into consideration that I'm used to parents picking their children up before dinner. It's like an unwritten rule where I live). Parents didn't come over to get him. I tell him that he needs to go home for dinner. He says " My dad said I can stay for dinner too." Umm... Okay, I guess. So we have dinner. By now I'm thinking surely the parents will be calling him to come home. Nope, no such luck. At 7pm I finally shipped him home. Day one is over.
Day 2- ding dong. "Can I come in?" I tell him the girls are outback. It's a beautiful hot day. Not three minutes later he wants back inside the house. I tell him that we are only playing outside today because its so nice out. He pouts, I don't want to play outside blah blah blah. My kids enjoy all the time they can get outside. I stand my ground and ship him back outside. Then the battling with my three year old beings, I watch him take toys away from her and tell my oldest girl that he doesn't want to play with my 3yr old. My daughters are very close and my oldest ALWAYS includes my youngest. She's not happy he's acting like this. Then he starts doing anything to make my youngest cry. I try talking to him but he constantly talks over me while I'm trying to correct him. He argues EVERYTHING! I've even threatened to send him home and it doesn't make a difference. Then my DH and kids went out so I sent him home. Before leaving he spent 5mins arguing DH as to why he should be allow to go too. I'm in the house cleaning about 20 mins later and ding dong. I answer the door and its him. He wants to come in. I explain that I'm home alone and the kids are still out. He proceeds to beg, argue and offer to help me clean. After about two mins of saying No. I finally had to say "Go Home!" My husband pulls into the driveway and isn't even out of the car yet and he's at the car door. My DH tells him that we need to have lunch and will come over to invite him over when we are done. He begs, pleads, argues and wont leave. Finally we have to yet again tell him to go home. He doesn't take no for an answer, constantly arguing and talking over you. It's such strange behaviour for a 9yr old boy! As we are in the kitchen our daughters tell us that he's in the living room window telling her to tell her dad to let him come in. REALLY!? DH goes to the window and it takes three times saying no and to go home before he goes over to his house. After lunch I send my daughter over to invite him back. After all we said we would. Although by now we didn't really want to. He continues to pester my 3yr old every chance he gets and complains about playing outside instead of inside my house. He stayed till dinner and we sent him home. We had a late dinner around 630 so he didn't come back after.
Day 3 - the kids and I go outside in the morning. Not 5mins after he's here. I let him come into the yard to play. He starts asking to go inside. I tell him no, we are spending the day outside. He starts fighting with my three year old again, making her cry, whining and arguing about playing inside my home vrs outside. I'm not exaggerating when I say this kid argues with me about everything!!! The mom yells from her Deck she has something to do and will be back. didnt even ask my permission to leave her son. I may have three kids but that doesn't give people the right to assume I babysit theirs. he starts telling my oldest not to let my youngest onto the trampoline. Finally, I've had enough, my kids had enough... Time to tell him to go home. We go inside just to avoid having to play with him. Not an hour later he's back. I tell him we are busy and won't be able to play for the rest of the day. He whines , begs, keeps asking what we are doing that he can't do too. I keep telling him no, he has to go etc. Bot playing more today. He leaves. 30 mins later ding dong! He's back. Ugh! I tell him " I told you we aren't playing anymore today" .. He demands to know what we are doing that he can't do, he could just watch etc etc... No matter what I say is not getting through to him. Finally I had to say... "Please go home right now". He proceeds to tell me " this sucks!" I shut the door. One hour later ding dong! Really? You have got to be kidding me! Open the door and no one is there. Go to close the door and he jumps out from around the side of my house! "Did I scare you?" mind boggled I tell him that I've already told you we aren't playing anymore today. He now wants to know again what we are doing in our home. I don't feel I owe this child an explanation at all. I just say " we aren't playing everyday all day , we don't have friends over that much.I've already explained this to you. Stop coming back and go home." He pouts, still talking over me. Finally I say goodbye and shut the door. Not two hours later he's back! And says to me " I can't remember did you say all day they can't play." Gezz! I tell him " yes, all day." He says why? I repeat the other conversations. Again he's pouting, arguing, begging and again demanding to want to know what we are Doing that he can't. I said that we needed family time and now I was making dinner and the girls were playing together. Wrong answer! "Playing!? Why can't I join?" I tell him I'm sorry but I already told you we don't have friends over all the time and I've told you numerous times no more today. He begs, talks over me while I'm explaining and finally I just say goodbye and basically have to shut the door in this child's face cause he won't leave until I do! He got the message this time. He didn't come back. Until tomorrow I'm sure :s
I feel bad for him because he's in a new place, new house, new friends but my three year old is constantly being tormented by this boy and my 8yr old doesn't like that he's not nice to her sister. I have no idea what to do! I would appreciate any advice! Talking to him doesn't do a thing. I thought about talking to his parents but its only been three days. I'm scared to make enemies with the neighbours. After telling my husband all this he wants to go over and tell the parents he doesn't want their child at our house anymore. I don't know what to do. Thought I'd write here and maybe someone would have advice for me. Help please!
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Theres no point in engaging wit the child go straight to the parents.Dont give exscuses just say you cant manage any more children and just tell them you will invite him around when convenient.
Why are you talking to the little boy?! it's his parents you should have a word with!
What WeleaseWodger said.
Ds has a friend like this, a girl, what a fucking nightmare she is.
Anyhoo... Just keep saying no, and stop giving him reasons why!!!
Btw OP your post fascinated me!
Sorry but what a pain in the arse!
I'd be switching off the doorbell.
Stop giving him reasons as to why he can't play round. He doesn't need explanations.
"XX I said no, you are not playing today and that is final, go home"
I had to learn this the hard way.
I think you need to be firm with him and his parents. Tell them all that in the few days you have let the boy into your home he has been badly behaved, argumentative, demanding, and bullying your youngest child. You have told him numerous times that he must stop his behaviour to your youngest, but as he has not respected your wishes, he can no longer come over to play. You dont want him bullying your children in their homes, and you dont want him there to argue with you and talk back at you.
Tell his parents you will not let him play at yours, and you will not accept them leaving him with you to go off and do errands. He is not your responsibility, but your daughters happyness is.
At 9, he is old enough to be told it as it is.
You are much nicer than I would be. I don't think you should let him in at all as he and the parents clearly have no boundaries so saying yes some of the time gives a mixed message. Also arguing with a 9 year old no way polite but firm not today thank you door shut. Also why any concern about how they might feel they obviously don't give two hoots about your feelings. This whole scenario makes me shudder have a dread of hangers on who wont leave.
Also totally disagree with above poster you would need nerves of steel to go around to a strangers house and criticise their child plus it would poison future relations and they are neighbours. I would channel Mary poppins be clear assertive friendly but firm. Go around and say it doesn't work for your family to have visitors at the moment. Don't apologise don't explain the maintain this approach.
Also your girls need to see you being strong and assertive and standing up for them. Letting a child into their home who is unkind to them to appease strangers or to "avoid confrontation" isn't a great message to be giving out.
I think they marked you out as a grade A muggins from day 1.
you need to tell them to back off otherwise I predict that they will royally take the piss forevermore.
We had problems with our neighbour's 4 kids and just had to get tough
I don't want them round here all the time, so I just refuse to let them in. Their behaviour isn't great, the house gets trashed, and I just don't want 6 kids (when only 2 of then are mine) in my house. We have a lovely area out the front where they can all play together on their bikes/scooters/whatever, so unless the weather is awful, they don't come in.
I don't give excuses, just 'no, not today' then I close the door. Repeated knocking gets ignored. They used to argue and the top thing that really pissed me off was 'but my mummy said it was ok', so I just don't give them the chance now
They also get sent straight home at the first sign of any bad behaviour
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
OK just sometimes have to be blunt it will be OK I promise just talk to parents and child and stand your ground. That said it may not work (experience of a random 8 year old peeping around the patio door constantly...) but just keep going and telling him to bugger off (in child friendly language
Next door's twins were round playing in the garden with DS - and came in and asked if they could make buns. I said they'd have to go home and ask their mum if they could make buns so off they popped. They came back saying that their mum had agreed that they could make buns with me. I told them that, if they wanted to make buns, they would have to do it in their kitchen with their ingredients and their mum, I didn't have time or the ingredients to make them with them. They went back outside and continued playing with DS
If it's this bad after three days imagine what it will be like in a few weeks or months. Nip it in the bud now before he turns up with his suitcases.
Jesus, OP, you've the patience of a fecking saint!
Are you in the States?
Anyway, the parents obviously have some balls on them. Agree you need to nip this in the bud. Now, if only I could take my own advice!
Just say no every time he calls .Don't give reasons or engage in conversation.
I don't think you need to talk to the parents yet.
Children know there are different rules in different places and with different people. You just need to teach him yours.
Say he can play for 30 mins (at first and build the duration up, over a period of time if all goes well). Explain that he must include DD2 and if he doesn't then he will be sent home. Carry through. Do not budge on the time you say, even if it has all gone well. He need to learn that you mean what you say.
Be consistent, do not engage, just say "these are my rules and if you don't like them then you must go home)
It's worth giving it a go, as you might be the lifeline he needs, but not to the detriment of your own family. Do not involve the parents unless you want to cut off all contact and stop him coming round full stop.
Bless. He sounds exhausting, but he's still a kid, and possibly has some SN combined with being an only child. It's the parents I'm a bit about.
I think what I would do is set one day per week where he can come and play, say from 4-6 after school. He knows that is 'his' day and other days are not. I would speak to his parents about this so they know too. It's the only way to have a clear boundary. I would also say, "When you are in my house these are the rules..." - being kind to your 3yr old being one of them. "If you can't stick to the rules, you will need to go home." You may need to do that once or twice so that he knows you mean business in your house.
I mean, you may need to send him home once or twice if he breaks a rule.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.