Sorry, another wedding one

(240 Posts)
Ilovemyself Tue 02-Jul-13 22:09:42

My Sister In Law is getting married next year and my wife is going to be a bridesmaid. We have twins and a 3rd who will be 2 and 5 months and 1 and 5 months.

We are all invited to the wedding ( good start lol)

Whilst discussing the wedding Sister in law said " you will just have to look after the kids whilst bridesmaid duties are being carried out"

I will never have a problem looking after my children but think that she had not thought about the situation.

We live an hour and a half away, so I can't look after the children at home. There is no way children can be looked after at the brides house, as there will be too much going on and not enough room.

I am left to look after the children for 3-4 hours before the wedding and get them ready for the wedding with nowhere to go.

My wife says forget about it but I am all too aware that we will get to the date and I will be left to just get on with it and will have to struggle on the day.

I have said if a solution cannot be found I would rather stay at home with the children than go and have a struggle of a day.

Am I being unreasonable on 2 counts- one with my sister in law for her couldn't care less attitude, and one with my wife for saying just ignore it?

primallass Tue 09-Jul-13 10:59:08

It is a year away. Book a cancellable hotel room through late rooms that you don't pay for until the day. Save £3/month to pay for it.

youaintallthat Tue 09-Jul-13 10:47:39

Yikes sounds a bit like an iva advert...lol I'm not an iva sales person honest! I know my friend wasnt able to afford day trips before she went into one and now seems more able to do that. Just thought I'd suggest as you seem.worried about finances affecting your ability to attend family functions

youaintallthat Tue 09-Jul-13 10:44:10

Hi just wanted to suggest if your finances are as bad as you say why don't you look into going into an iva. My best friend did this a year ago and says it was the best decision she has ever made. Her credit name isn't great at the moment but tbh yours won't be for long if incomings are less than outgoings. In 5 years my friendwill be ccompletely debt free. They take into account every aspect of your life ie kids shopping bills etc but my friend usually has money left over at the end of the month now allbeit not a massive amount. Her car broke last year and they held her iva payment that month to cover cost of repair too. Maybe if the wedding is a year away and you look into something like this you will e able to save for a hotel room.

LedaOfSparta Thu 04-Jul-13 15:07:39

Get them changed in the loo at the venue, or the car park. I have done this (alone) loads of times.

This is such a non drama. Do you have anxiety issues maybe?

carrymehome Thu 04-Jul-13 14:58:46

TBH I think the OP is giving his DW a hard time because she has just said it will all work out. If my DH asked me about a problem like this a year before the date, I would probably say the same thing.

I would however start thinking about the logistics a couple of months before. Maybe this is what DW is thinking and you have got your face in a knot because she won't discuss it NOW.

curryeater Thu 04-Jul-13 14:58:07

noooooooooooo not chocolate. whatever you do, not chocolate

ovenbun Thu 04-Jul-13 14:56:40

can one of your friends or relatives lend a hand for the morning? Perhaps an aunty or cousin? How awesome would it be if you could say to your wife, ive sorted it all out for you sweet, i will drop u off me and the kids will go to....soft play/country park with ...then we will get freshened up and changed in the loos/shops at....
My mum had 3 of us under 4, as do many people....you cope when you have to...how do childminders or nurserys manage otherwise..it isn't easy but I'm sure your wife would really appreciate you coming up with a plan and being a capable supportive husband on what is a massive day for her smile

NayFindus Thu 04-Jul-13 14:38:32

I think the OP just wants to get the kids organised without them spilling anything/throwing anything/drawing anything on wife or brides clothing at least until the vows and photos are done.

OP how do you usually keep them occupied? Books? Dvds? Chocolate? Is there anyone nearby SIL who can help you out with a room to get you and the kids ready in? Could you take a rug to a nearby (fenced in) park and just play there all morning with snacks and a few books to sit with in between? You'll need a backup idea if it rains.

Can you not just stay in SIL's sitting room and SIL and wife stay upstairs getting ready?

Will your parents or in laws be around? Could they help? (Sorry, only read first 2 pages).

sooperdooper Thu 04-Jul-13 13:07:33

Mountain out of a mole hill!

You've been offered loads of sensible suggestions, which you're purposefully ignoring

You're being childish and clearly want something to complain about and don't want a solution - even though I don't actually think you need a 'solution' - it's just looking after your own children for a couple of hours, next year - get a grip!!

SoupDragon Thu 04-Jul-13 12:56:41

Is it really necessary to be so hostile?

Wallison Thu 04-Jul-13 12:38:30

Why did you come on here then, if all you wanted was that? We can't give you that information, and everything that has been suggested to you has been met with a 'yes but'.

Ilovemyself Thu 04-Jul-13 09:41:58

Thanks guys. Just to answer the suggestion of going to the brides (PIL) house, she is stressy at the best of times so going there on the wedding morning is going to be a no no. If one of the kids spills something or gets in the way all hell will break loose.

Hence the fact I would rather not take the children into that environment.

All I want is suggestions from them as to where would be a good place to go at minimum cost.

That's all folks :-)

curryeater Thu 04-Jul-13 09:35:13

I think the "no money" thing is not a red herring, just because he has a year to save - it's still money that the family could have spent on something else, maybe they never ever get a day out and it is galling to spend luxury money on having a shit time. But I agree, that is what families are about, deal with it

OP, you will be fine. It won't be easy, but you will work out a plan between now and then, and you will be fine, you will get through the first bit on your own with sheer grit and then if you smile and be charming everyone at the wedding will think you are a hero and you will barely have to lift a finger. just roll with it and pack a lot of wipes and oatcakes. 3 years on you will be looking at how little and cute they are in the photos and you will forget that it was hellacious at the time

Emilythornesbff Thu 04-Jul-13 09:22:31

innacorner it's the OP who isn't keen on being at the bride's house.
He's wanting the bride and bm to come up with suggestions for alternative arrangements.

Innacorner Thu 04-Jul-13 09:16:02

Disclaimer - I've only read the first and final page.
But I understand the OPs concern that he'll be hanging around for 3/4 hours before the ceremony with 3 children under 3 and nowhere to go. That's a long time to entertain children of that age - mooching between a park, museum, cafe perhaps - and hopefully not tiring them out so much that they're exhausted (and grouchy) by the time the ceremony starts.
I don't see however why you can't spend some of that time at the brides house, perhaps going out for an hour or so in the middle, - that sounds reasonable to me. And the bride and her entourage ought to accommodate that.
Btw I speak as someone who had 3 under-3's myself, including twins - it was an absolutely exhausting time.

Emilythornesbff Thu 04-Jul-13 08:31:20

confused
But cost is an issue.
Even if dsisil buys the bm dress there are still outfits for the DCs and for you and drinks and a gift to be bought.
So I could understand why the whole thing would be very stressful.
Possible solutions to your problem of having to look after your children at their aunt's house are: your DW goes ahead (problem: train fare), that you rent a room for about £30 (problem: prohibitive cost), go to a soft play centre (problem: cost).
Although you have shown an interest in the sensible suggestion of asking the wedding venue if you can use a room, you then go on to suggest that you'll not be able to take a piss all day because they'll be no one to look after all three children.
This suggests that the issue is not the bride's or your wife's lack of understanding about busy toddlers in a crowded house but more about you not wanting to go to the wedding because you'll be struggling with the children.
I have sympathy with that but i think ppl will help.

ApocalypseThen Wed 03-Jul-13 22:22:11

I don't think he's having a hard time, really. This is an important occasion for his sister on law, and by extension, his wife. All he has to do is watch the kids for a few hours. Not some strangers, his own children. And he has a whole year to figure out how he's going to manage.

Yet somehow, his sister in law and wife are being mighty unfair imposing this massive logistical nightmare on him. He hasn't a word for anything other than how much he pities himself. It's all about the stress on him, how will he enjoy himself, why does he have to do everything, why is everyone laughing at how pathetic and childish he's being, why isn't he the focus of the event...

curryeater Wed 03-Jul-13 22:00:59

kinkyfuckery, he wants instructions from the wedding party
(and judging by your username, he is certainly not looking to take the kids to the sort of amusements you know about ;) )

Can I just say that I think the OP is having a slightly hard time (though I see why) as if I had twins who were a few months old I might think I never want to leave the house again

kinkyfuckery Wed 03-Jul-13 21:36:12

"do want some tips on where is good to go in the area"

You haven't told us the area confused

Ilovemyself Wed 03-Jul-13 20:45:13

Last one from me ( honest this time) as I have enough useful suggestions and would like to move on now.

Firstly, I hadn't even thought of the cost of the dress. I believe that the cost is not necessarily an issue to the bride and groom so they would be buying the BM dresses. We did ours on less than £3k 10 years ago and included the BM dresses.

I want to go as it is a family occasion

I have no issues with looking after my children but do want some tips on where is good to go in the area. After the ceremony isn't the issue at all, but during and before is what worries me.

And someone earlier said is there a Bridezilla in this case. I haven't seen it ( apart from the way I was spoken about this to but that's what she is like anyway) but my MIL has said she has turned into one.

Right, I am off to look at some threads that I guess are about things that are a damn site more important than my petty rubbish.

Emilythornesbff Wed 03-Jul-13 19:56:36

Are you just worried by the whole cost of this wedding?
I mean, unless there's a free bar, it's going to add up isn't it?
paying for bm dresses and all your DCs outfits plus a gift.
A train fare on top of that is nothing really.
If this isn't about not wanting to be the one left "holding the baby" at a wedding then are you actually just having a panic attack about the money?
Would you rather just not go?

landofsoapandglory Wed 03-Jul-13 19:52:12

Once the actual ceremony is over you won't have to look after the DC by your self.

My niece was a BM to my Sister 3 months after my niece had had her baby. DN's friend had the baby for the ceremony and brought him back for the reception. I bounced him a bit, she did, my mum did, aunts did, friends did, it was like pass the parcel!

You do need to start looking for solutions rather than problems, where there aren't any! I think your DW deserves a medal, you are winding me up on this thread yet she manages to live with you!

MammaTJ Wed 03-Jul-13 19:49:41

She is the child free one, so send her by public transport the night before. She can then give the bride the proper support the night before and you can concentrate on the children.

Emilythornesbff Wed 03-Jul-13 19:47:10

I'm really really sorry about the financial situation.
That must be hard on all of you.

Bearbehind Wed 03-Jul-13 19:11:50

Just read this and your lack of finances excuse sounds a load of bollocks. Either you can afford to attend this wedding in its entirety or you can't but focusing on child care issues on the morning of a wedding THAT IS A YEAR AWAY AND MIGHT NOT EVEN GO AHEAD IF SIL IS MAKING A MISTAKE makes you look a nutter! You really need to find yourself a grip.

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