Sorry, another wedding one(240 Posts)
My Sister In Law is getting married next year and my wife is going to be a bridesmaid. We have twins and a 3rd who will be 2 and 5 months and 1 and 5 months.
We are all invited to the wedding ( good start lol)
Whilst discussing the wedding Sister in law said " you will just have to look after the kids whilst bridesmaid duties are being carried out"
I will never have a problem looking after my children but think that she had not thought about the situation.
We live an hour and a half away, so I can't look after the children at home. There is no way children can be looked after at the brides house, as there will be too much going on and not enough room.
I am left to look after the children for 3-4 hours before the wedding and get them ready for the wedding with nowhere to go.
My wife says forget about it but I am all too aware that we will get to the date and I will be left to just get on with it and will have to struggle on the day.
I have said if a solution cannot be found I would rather stay at home with the children than go and have a struggle of a day.
Am I being unreasonable on 2 counts- one with my sister in law for her couldn't care less attitude, and one with my wife for saying just ignore it?
Disclaimer - I've only read the first and final page.
But I understand the OPs concern that he'll be hanging around for 3/4 hours before the ceremony with 3 children under 3 and nowhere to go. That's a long time to entertain children of that age - mooching between a park, museum, cafe perhaps - and hopefully not tiring them out so much that they're exhausted (and grouchy) by the time the ceremony starts.
I don't see however why you can't spend some of that time at the brides house, perhaps going out for an hour or so in the middle, - that sounds reasonable to me. And the bride and her entourage ought to accommodate that.
Btw I speak as someone who had 3 under-3's myself, including twins - it was an absolutely exhausting time.
innacorner it's the OP who isn't keen on being at the bride's house.
He's wanting the bride and bm to come up with suggestions for alternative arrangements.
I think the "no money" thing is not a red herring, just because he has a year to save - it's still money that the family could have spent on something else, maybe they never ever get a day out and it is galling to spend luxury money on having a shit time. But I agree, that is what families are about, deal with it
OP, you will be fine. It won't be easy, but you will work out a plan between now and then, and you will be fine, you will get through the first bit on your own with sheer grit and then if you smile and be charming everyone at the wedding will think you are a hero and you will barely have to lift a finger. just roll with it and pack a lot of wipes and oatcakes. 3 years on you will be looking at how little and cute they are in the photos and you will forget that it was hellacious at the time
Thanks guys. Just to answer the suggestion of going to the brides (PIL) house, she is stressy at the best of times so going there on the wedding morning is going to be a no no. If one of the kids spills something or gets in the way all hell will break loose.
Hence the fact I would rather not take the children into that environment.
All I want is suggestions from them as to where would be a good place to go at minimum cost.
That's all folks :-)
Why did you come on here then, if all you wanted was that? We can't give you that information, and everything that has been suggested to you has been met with a 'yes but'.
Is it really necessary to be so hostile?
Mountain out of a mole hill!
You've been offered loads of sensible suggestions, which you're purposefully ignoring
You're being childish and clearly want something to complain about and don't want a solution - even though I don't actually think you need a 'solution' - it's just looking after your own children for a couple of hours, next year - get a grip!!
I think the OP just wants to get the kids organised without them spilling anything/throwing anything/drawing anything on wife or brides clothing at least until the vows and photos are done.
OP how do you usually keep them occupied? Books? Dvds? Chocolate? Is there anyone nearby SIL who can help you out with a room to get you and the kids ready in? Could you take a rug to a nearby (fenced in) park and just play there all morning with snacks and a few books to sit with in between? You'll need a backup idea if it rains.
Can you not just stay in SIL's sitting room and SIL and wife stay upstairs getting ready?
Will your parents or in laws be around? Could they help? (Sorry, only read first 2 pages).
can one of your friends or relatives lend a hand for the morning? Perhaps an aunty or cousin? How awesome would it be if you could say to your wife, ive sorted it all out for you sweet, i will drop u off me and the kids will go to....soft play/country park with ...then we will get freshened up and changed in the loos/shops at....
My mum had 3 of us under 4, as do many people....you cope when you have to...how do childminders or nurserys manage otherwise..it isn't easy but I'm sure your wife would really appreciate you coming up with a plan and being a capable supportive husband on what is a massive day for her
noooooooooooo not chocolate. whatever you do, not chocolate
TBH I think the OP is giving his DW a hard time because she has just said it will all work out. If my DH asked me about a problem like this a year before the date, I would probably say the same thing.
I would however start thinking about the logistics a couple of months before. Maybe this is what DW is thinking and you have got your face in a knot because she won't discuss it NOW.
Get them changed in the loo at the venue, or the car park. I have done this (alone) loads of times.
This is such a non drama. Do you have anxiety issues maybe?
Hi just wanted to suggest if your finances are as bad as you say why don't you look into going into an iva. My best friend did this a year ago and says it was the best decision she has ever made. Her credit name isn't great at the moment but tbh yours won't be for long if incomings are less than outgoings. In 5 years my friendwill be ccompletely debt free. They take into account every aspect of your life ie kids shopping bills etc but my friend usually has money left over at the end of the month now allbeit not a massive amount. Her car broke last year and they held her iva payment that month to cover cost of repair too. Maybe if the wedding is a year away and you look into something like this you will e able to save for a hotel room.
Yikes sounds a bit like an iva advert...lol I'm not an iva sales person honest! I know my friend wasnt able to afford day trips before she went into one and now seems more able to do that. Just thought I'd suggest as you seem.worried about finances affecting your ability to attend family functions
It is a year away. Book a cancellable hotel room through late rooms that you don't pay for until the day. Save £3/month to pay for it.
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