To think my dad is an unforgivable arsehole?

(29 Posts)
SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Tue 02-Jul-13 18:32:56

We don't have a great relationship anyway and I have very little respect for him after a lifetime of being let down and him generally being selfish and self-serving.

His girlfriend of about 2 years has a 4 week old granddaughter who has just been diagnosed with cystic fibrosis. Understandably their whole family is distraught and very worried while they wait for the baby to have all the tests to determine the extent of any organ damage and put together a prognosis.

I have only met my dad's girlfriend - let's call her Beverley - once but she seemed lovely and I joked to DH afterwards that I liked her an awful lot more than my dad. She has taken over the sending of birthday cards to my children because my dad always forgets and generally we've had much more contact from him since she's been on the scene to remind him that his family does actually matter. They had both been working abroad until last month when they moved back to the UK because "it's about time family took precedence over work" (my dad's actual words in an email to me).

He just rang to tell me about Beverley's granddaughter, and while we were chatting, he went on to say that while he has every sympathy with the family and what they're going through, he does feel that this is the sort of thing Beverley's daughter and her husband need to deal with on their own. Apparently you just can't live your life through grandchildren and he & Beverley have lives of their own to think about too.

I am disgusted to be honest. He insinuated that he was fed up with Beverley for going to stay with her daughter to look after the other children while the baby is in hospital and stated explicitly that he didn't want to "get too involved".

What the actual fuck? I've always known he was a total dipshit but does he have no soul whatsoever? If any of MY children were that poorly, I would want my mum right by my side as support and a shoulder to cry on, not to mention the practical input of looking after the older children during hospital visits. Furthermore, I know my stepdad would be the one insisting that they are there for us, nothing is too much to ask, etc.

Who actually says shit like that about their family?! He really expects his girlfriend to take a step back from her daughter at a time like this?

I was so shocked on the phone that I didn't say anything, just made my excuses and ended the call. I wish I had the balls to email him and say I am so sickened by his attitude I want nothing more to do with him.

I don't think IABU but I would really appreciate an outside perspective on this.

I don't think it could hurt to at least challenge his awful/selfish attitude to the situation, seeing as no one else has/will.

But waiting til you've calmed down can't hurt either.

Mimishimi Thu 04-Jul-13 10:50:22

OK dad, don't get involved and please make sure to make your dissatisfaction known to Beverley, just so she can see you for what you really are , a selfish tosser in a time of need ...and move on with her life.

OnIlkelyMoorBahtat Thu 04-Jul-13 13:10:07

Could you ring your dad for Beverley's details and tell him you want to send a card? Just to show that you have sympathy for her even if he doesn't - you could then drop in words to the effect that "of course, this is Beverley's daughter this is happening to, so naturally she wants to get involved". I suspect if he's saying this to you he's probably already let Beverley know (directly or indirectly) that he thinks it's too much of an imposition on their time, by which he means his!

digerd Thu 04-Jul-13 13:37:12

Poor lovely Beverley. sad Your dad doesn't deserve her love. She deserves his support.
I think she does not know his real feelings as he has hidden them from her and confided in you to get it/his selfish frustration off his chest.

I would wait atm. If he is pretending to her then it is 'ignorance is bliss' for her during this traumatic time.

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