to feel saddened about " breast feeding covers

(379 Posts)
Theas18 Sun 30-Jun-13 12:43:32

lady on the next table in the cafe I'm in ifs beat feeding a lovely month or so old baby under a huge bib.

maybe she feels " happier about it" and all that but really. What do you see for a happily breastfeeding b baby-the back of a sweet little head? no big deal and very normal.

Why are we ( society) doing this to mums and babies. surely a 6 month old won't tolerate it anyway, so I guess they give up then sad

Startail Sun 30-Jun-13 13:01:48

Fidget not digit

MorrisZapp Sun 30-Jun-13 13:02:11

There isn't a cover on the market that would have worked for me. The only way DS would bf was by lying on his back on my lap and me dangling my massive milk filled orb into his mouth. It worked for us, but try doing that on a bar stool before you get all sad.

Eyesunderarock Sun 30-Jun-13 13:03:27

I used a shawl, I liked feeding my babies anytime they were hungry and I was happier with a cover. Trains, bus, parks and over 20 years ago with far fewer facilities around.
But that's not good enough?
You'd judge me anyway?
That's why I never got into the whole Breast-feeding mafia brigade, or La Leche. Waaaay too stressful living up to the expectations of others.

intheshed Sun 30-Jun-13 13:04:24

I never bothered with one, but lots of people do. If it makes someone more comfortable to breastfeed out and about then that's a good thing.

However I do think they are a shameless marketing ploy to get money out of new mums- a scarf/muslin would work just as well.

mrspaddy Sun 30-Jun-13 13:04:41

I don't think your post is judgy.. I just think you are being honest about your opinion. I am planning to BF and I will use an apron/cover when out and about. But that is mainly because I never really feel comfortable exposing myself. It's my own issue I know. I am looking forward to feeding in my own home but when out/over at inlaws and even at my own parents, I have no intention of people catching sight of my nipples.
I think BF is amazing but never feel fully comfortable when out and about watching people. I wouldn't want them to think I was staring.. not because I don't actually like to see it.

Floggingmolly Sun 30-Jun-13 13:05:09

I always chucked a muslin over my shoulder, what's the problem?

Eyesunderarock Sun 30-Jun-13 13:07:10

Well, there wasn't much discretion in my case, both of mine snuffled and snorted like piglets.

I think the OP is getting a bit of a hard time here. I don't think that she is being unreasonable, to feel a bit sad that babies are still often expected to be breastfed out of sight. I remember my own mother being horrified that I intended feeding my baby out in the open and very helpfully pointed out that there "are toilets just over there"! sad. However, I do think that breastfeeding covers can be a god send, especially to new mothers, still getting the hang of breastfeeding. And I think it's great that mothers do feel, more and more, that they can breastfeed in public, whether they are using a cover or not, and I do not actually like the idea of "I can do it wherever I want to, and I don't care whether I offend anyone or not". When I was feeding, at home alone I would wap my boobs out freely, in front of other people I was more discrete. I never had a cover, as such, but still managed to feed without broadcasting the fact to the world. I used to love being able to see my babies face while they fed smile That was special!

Ginformation Sun 30-Jun-13 13:11:24

I used a muslin as ds was anything but discreet, and in the early weeks I would squirt like a fountain whenever he pulled off. Maybe she was protecting you from a shower of milk?

pianodoodle Sun 30-Jun-13 13:11:40

We can't please everyone!

You've passed comment on this mum using a cover, someone else might have passed comment if she didn't.

The sadder thing here is that people feel they need to make comment at all.

I was given a cover as a present but only used it once. For me faffing about with a brightly coloured cloth drew far more attention that not using it at all!

I don't feel oppressed but I am naturally quite modest - and I have a right to want to be discreet as much as others have a right not to be.

stopgap Sun 30-Jun-13 13:12:03

I didn't want to be restricted by wearing maternity bras/the two vest top thing, so the cover allowed me more freedom of my choice in my clothes.

But more than that, my son had awful silent reflux, and within minutes would be arching/screaming/flailing etc. and the cover helped me--and perhaps him--stay a bit calmer, when people in busy places inevitably started to stare.

Gooseysgirl Sun 30-Jun-13 13:13:47

biscuit

maja00 Sun 30-Jun-13 13:14:33

I don't feel sad that individuals use covers - if it works for them, then great.

I do feel it's a shame that we live in a society where you are supposed to be "discreet" about feeding a baby though! What a load of bollocks.

Eyesunderarock Sun 30-Jun-13 13:15:45

'We can't please everyone! '

Exactly. I decided to please the baby and me, so I avoided all those that had opinions otherwise. Pro or anti or in your face.

YABU. I entertained guests to lunch recently and my female friend was feeding her 8 month old. She got out her cover and I hastened to say 'feel free' but she said she preferred to use the cover in a house with men in it. That's absolutely her perogative. My dh has seen me feed our three dcs. That means he's seen my boobs in feeding action but that doesn't mean other mums want him (or me) to see theirs. The important thing is that mums are able to feed whereever they need to not how they do it. I have big boobs too and depending on what I was wearing a muslin coul be very handy too.

Sheilathegreat Sun 30-Jun-13 13:18:09

This subject always makes me feel angry and maybe I was harsh on the OP. I understand the argument about breasts being over-sexualised in this culture and perhaps if people accepted what the primary function is we could all be a bit more sensible about b/fing but.... I struggled so much in my child's first six months. B/fing was a nightmare and I felt incredibly overwhelmed. I had to leave the house to feel sane and having never in my life sat in a cafe with my breasts exposed I didn't want to add that to the ever growing list of ways my life had changed.

With hindsight I needn't have bought anything special, a scarf would have done the trick and second time round this is what I did, but using the cover was honestly the difference between breast feeding or not for my first DC.

I just wish we could be more understanding about women needing to approach these things in their own different ways. I felt so judged and under the spotlight when times were tough with my first DC.I am incredibly grateful that it was much later when I discovered breastfeeding covers were a source of contention otherwise it might have finished me off!!

Signet2012 Sun 30-Jun-13 13:19:01

I wore a vest top so I could pull my normal top up which covered some boob. I did use a muslin for the first few times as well. I didn't feel confident about my latch and wanted to be able to reposition without feeling exposed.

Now she is 10 months and i would like to feed her under a duvet. Not because I'm shy but it might make her feed instead of trying to see what the rest of the world is up to.

Everyone does it their own way and whilst yes it is a shame if a woman's feels they HAVE to cover up but I'd imagine most just feel a little self conscious.

once baby has pulled off and squirted the lady opposite with bm you get over it

kungfupannda Sun 30-Jun-13 13:20:14

But some people might want to be discreet.

Most people spend their entire lives not showing their breasts. Are they supposed to switch instantly into a mindset where they don't care that a part of their body that has traditionally been covered, is suddenly on public display?

For most people, there will be a transition period, while they get used to the fact that it's okay for their breasts to be visible. Some people might never get used to that.

Even if we lived in a society where everyone smiled benignly at the sight of nursing mothers, people would still need to get used to having them on display.

It's not always about other people's perceptions. Every nursing mother has her own feelings and comfort levels.

pigletmania Sun 30-Jun-13 13:21:54

Yabu how she feeds her baby is not your concern.some women are not confident, some women don't want their boobs on display when a baby suddenly delatches

HearMyRoar Sun 30-Jun-13 13:23:28

I think you are making a bit of an assumption that she is using it because she is embarrassed.

Even when very little my dd would get distracted and startled by things around her when feeding so I would often pop a scarf over her if it was busy. Otherwise it would take an age to settle her on the boob and my nipples ended up a mess from her fussing and tugging.

Personally I couldn't give a monkey's who sees my bits when nursing and I still bf now she is 15 months.

havingamadmoment Sun 30-Jun-13 13:23:30

I fed all of mine until between 16 and 18 months. I almost always fed out of public view either in a quiet room or in a feeding area. When there was non I used to put a blanket over the baby - so pretty much the same.

It was my preference and it didnt affect how long or easily I fed.

LizTerrine Sun 30-Jun-13 13:23:46

Yy Maja - I don't feel sad for individual women, I just wish that the societal pressure to feed discreetly wasn't so overwhelming.

Not to go off on too much of a tangent but on the subject of breasts/breastfeeding...

An elderly friend of mine was out in town, when she thought she spotted a woman she vaguely knew breastfeeding her baby, sat on the steps of the town hall. She approached with a beaming smile, and reached out to stroke the baby's head with a cooing 'awww' noise.
Unfortunately her eyesight is not what it was. She didn't know the woman. The woman wasn't breastfeeding. The woman was spilling out of a skimpy vest top.
Thankfully my friend realised in time enough to prevent herself stroking a random stranger's breast!

DrCoconut Sun 30-Jun-13 14:06:25

DS2 fought anything off that was over him when feeding. I soon gave up trying as I worked out that "being discreet" actually draws more attention than just getting on and feeding. But each to their own.

Abra1d Sun 30-Jun-13 14:10:37

I hate those covers, too. But I wonder whether there are more women around these days with very large busts, who can't manage to do it discreetly under a generous top with a muslin/scarf as well

I suspect that now these tops are available there will be more pressure on women to use them and 'hide' the awful fact that they are feeding their infants in the way nature intended. Just my own prediction.

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