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Man in Sainsbury's cafe-was I out of order?

(348 Posts)
Beatrixpotty Sat 29-Jun-13 13:30:04

Took 3 DCs (2,3 & baby) on my own to Sainsburys,3 year old was hungry after swimming so decided to go to cafe first.
Was getting the lunch when 3yr old DS went to man in queue with a croissant on his tray and pointed to it & toched it saying "I want one of those."Big fuss,man said don't want that,boy touched it etc,lady on till sympathetic and said of course,no problem,I'll get another one etc.

Meanwhile I was furious with DS,he knows not to touch in cafes & shops,and I td him off,made him come and stand with me,hold my hand(which he hates) and wait quietly.I also made him go and apologise to the man,which he did.
The man did not even acknowledge him though and said loudly to me "Just control your children!"
I was very offended.I was upset he had not accepted the apology from DS.He was none the worse off as he had a new croissant.
The cashier said to me "Sorry about that rude man" afterwards and I said "Don't worry,I'm going to say something."
So once my DCs were nicely sitting down I went over and said "Excuse me,no need to be so rude,my son apologised,he's only 3 and I had already told him off." He then said "Well it's not very nice for someone to touch your breakfast."
I then said something about don't criticise me and I think you were unnecessarily rude" and walked off.
We then continued eating ours co,the DCs were well behaved,that was the end.
I know I was angry and maybe acted impulsively confronting him and an now wondering if I was out of order?I'm prepared to be told I was,I'm not expecting everyone to agree with me as I can see it from both sides but after what the cashier said I felt maybe he was unnecessarily rude to me?

AmberSocks Sat 29-Jun-13 14:16:53

yanbu he was.

Beatrixpotty Sat 29-Jun-13 14:17:04

Swimming lesson where I don't get in!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sat 29-Jun-13 14:17:10

I don't think you should have approached him after your son apologised; he apologised, that was the end of it. It's kind - but not aways done - to acknowledge an apology. Kids (all the ones that I know anyway) don't have hygiene standards that I would think ok, but they're kids... as long as they don't touch stuff it's fine.

The cashier probably saw the look on your face and tried to appease you, the customer. Her other customer (the man) had gone. Her heart probably sank at the thought of you making a thing of it again but what could she do? One customer against another? Not very nice for her.

You probably feel aggrieved, shamed, 'got at' and myriad other emotions. You know now that your son does touch so you'll make sure he doesn't in future and it won't happen again. Try to forget it now, not the end of the world.

HeySoulSister Sat 29-Jun-13 14:17:33

So many places don't allow 3 non swimmers to one adult. Yes, how did you do that? confused

JedwardScissorhands Sat 29-Jun-13 14:18:45

Good point about paying for the croissant. You should have offered immediately, the man shouldn't have had to ask.

Eyesunderarock Sat 29-Jun-13 14:18:55

It wouldn't be permitted in our local pools, you need an adult for every two children under 8 I think, or it might be an adult per child.
Because adequate supervision is tricky.

lottiegarbanzo Sat 29-Jun-13 14:18:56

Well, you both agree that your child shouldn't have done it. You just didn't enjoy receiving criticism.

It is absolutely fine for other adults not to want to talk to your children and not to know how to, so to address you about them, as relevant. Not nice, not friendly but one kind of normal.

When people are grumpy and rude it's often best to let their behaviour speak for itself, not legitimise it and drag yourself down by engaging with them.

RevoltingPeasant Sat 29-Jun-13 14:19:48

Now now Bursar don't hold back. You say what you feel grin

Eyesunderarock Sat 29-Jun-13 14:20:27

xpost OP, so it was a swimming class and you and your other two were watching. Mystery solved.

marriedinwhiteagain Sat 29-Jun-13 14:22:45

I think the whole episode was a bit bizarre tbh. It was Sainsbury's self service - that croissant had been passed by dozens of people any of whom might have breathed on it - and the staff putting it out may well have touched it with their fingers rather than the tongs. He was wrong and then you were wrong by pursuing it.

I was once told by a silver service waitress that when customers were really rude the waiting used to spit in their next course.

You might not die from three year old cooties, but when my boys were three they were (and still are, tbh) willy fiddlers. I wouldn't want an unknown child touching my breakfast!

You were out of order to take it further IMO. It was dealt with, I think the man whose breakfast was ruined was entitled to an opinion.

Nottalotta Sat 29-Jun-13 14:35:12

I wouldn't like a random child to touch my food. I would have been pleased that the parent made the child apologise, but then what is a suitable response? I wouldn't really want to say 'oh don't worry its alright' even to a three yr old. . .

NicknameIncomplete Sat 29-Jun-13 14:52:07

I wouldnt want my own child touching my food never mind someone elses.

I think u need to keep a hold of you children so this doesnt happen again.

Burmobasher Sat 29-Jun-13 15:06:32

Boo fucking hoo, the grown man got his croissant touched, got his knickers in a twist and got given another one - big deal! He was rude and ungracious to a 3 year old and right or wrong my motherly instinct would have kicked in and I would have said something too op.

Yanbu

Mintyy Sat 29-Jun-13 15:10:34

I think he was very ungracious not to accept your ds's apology.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sat 29-Jun-13 15:14:52

He was ungracious but there was no requirement on him to be gracious. Mother instinct or not, kids can't expect constant adoration, or even tolerance, from the general public when they do things wrong. That's how they learn, I think, from the glares and stares and sometimes sharp words, far more than the head-patting and indulgence.

Mintyy Sat 29-Jun-13 15:16:57

No, he didn't have to be gracious about it and lots of people don't understand or like little children. Its a shame, but that's just the way it is. A sad lesson for your ds to learn.

HeySoulSister Sat 29-Jun-13 15:20:09

How should he have reacted then? He told op to control her children.... We all agree with him! So what should the man have done?

Leverette Sat 29-Jun-13 15:20:22

If I'd seen this incident, I would have thought you were a little unhinged/aggressive to have left your 3 under 4 unaccompanied while you went to have a go at the man.

tittytittyhanghang Sat 29-Jun-13 15:20:39

YANBU, if a 3 year old touching (and i am assuming it was a slight poke, not a full on tussle) your food is enough to put you off then how the fuck was he even managing to eat at a self service where all manners of people have quite probably touched it before him? He sounds like a drama llama to me. And it doesnt give him the right to be an ungracious arsehole to a 3 year old neither.

ecclesvet Sat 29-Jun-13 15:21:10

If a toddler touched my food, I would expect an apology from the mother, not (just) the toddler.

While I do think that bringing up the issue again with the man was a bit silly (poking at a situation that was done and finished) I think the OP is being flamed here for no good reason.

OP you've accepted that you were being U so if I were you I'd step away from this thread now.

HeySoulSister Sat 29-Jun-13 15:26:41

Why is she being flamed? I don't see that she is

BadLad Sat 29-Jun-13 15:29:10

I don't think the man did anything wrong. You should have just accepted the rebuke on behalf on your son and forgotten about the matter.

tedmundo Sat 29-Jun-13 15:29:11

Leverets .. That was the bit of the tale that caught my eye too! No way coud I leave my 3 at a table alone in a cafe.

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