Man in Sainsbury's cafe-was I out of order?

(348 Posts)
Beatrixpotty Sat 29-Jun-13 13:30:04

Took 3 DCs (2,3 & baby) on my own to Sainsburys,3 year old was hungry after swimming so decided to go to cafe first.
Was getting the lunch when 3yr old DS went to man in queue with a croissant on his tray and pointed to it & toched it saying "I want one of those."Big fuss,man said don't want that,boy touched it etc,lady on till sympathetic and said of course,no problem,I'll get another one etc.

Meanwhile I was furious with DS,he knows not to touch in cafes & shops,and I td him off,made him come and stand with me,hold my hand(which he hates) and wait quietly.I also made him go and apologise to the man,which he did.
The man did not even acknowledge him though and said loudly to me "Just control your children!"
I was very offended.I was upset he had not accepted the apology from DS.He was none the worse off as he had a new croissant.
The cashier said to me "Sorry about that rude man" afterwards and I said "Don't worry,I'm going to say something."
So once my DCs were nicely sitting down I went over and said "Excuse me,no need to be so rude,my son apologised,he's only 3 and I had already told him off." He then said "Well it's not very nice for someone to touch your breakfast."
I then said something about don't criticise me and I think you were unnecessarily rude" and walked off.
We then continued eating ours co,the DCs were well behaved,that was the end.
I know I was angry and maybe acted impulsively confronting him and an now wondering if I was out of order?I'm prepared to be told I was,I'm not expecting everyone to agree with me as I can see it from both sides but after what the cashier said I felt maybe he was unnecessarily rude to me?

HeySoulSister Sat 29-Jun-13 13:52:00

Why wasn't your 3 year old under control in the first place.... You say he hates holding your hand. So you let him rule the roost?

JedwardScissorhands Sat 29-Jun-13 13:52:45

YABU. I think you should have called your child back before he touched the croissant. I also think you should have apologised, not your 3 year old. Sending a toddler to speak to someone they have already annoyed is not good. Why go you think someone out for a quiet breakfast wants to be bothered by kids.

TotallyBursar Sat 29-Jun-13 13:54:00

People aren't obliged to be accepting of things that they dislike.
Your son acted really inappropriately, you know that and told him off - it is necessary for your little boy to learn to apologise but also that sorry is not a cure all and apologies won't always be accepted if the other person is still unhappy. From what you did next it sounds like you need to learn the same thing. You are cross because he didn't accept what you thought was appropriate recompense & got shirty when he didn't feel the same - you don't get to make those decisions.

YABU to go and tell him off, the situation would never have occurred if you had been hanging on to your toddler & it is no one else's responsibility to make allowances for parents not being able to manage, we are often just lucky people are kind about it.

Also the cashier said the most appropriate thing to try and stop a full on mummy melt down (bearing in mind they have an unhappy customer & wasted food now) so I really wouldn't hang much weight on that considering you went and berated another customer anyway.

RevoltingPeasant Sat 29-Jun-13 13:57:16

yy Bursar

crumblepie Sat 29-Jun-13 13:57:17

i would be pissed off if someone prodded my food,you should of controlled your child and left the bloke alone .

Helpyourself Sat 29-Jun-13 13:57:53

flowers
You took a 3,2yo and a baby swimming. That's like the the pentathlon of parenting and if a spat with twat is the only collateral damage you're amazing. Go straight to the swimming pool café next time.

HeySoulSister Sat 29-Jun-13 13:59:55

Why is he a 'twat' ?

Helpyourself Sat 29-Jun-13 14:02:39

I think it's twatty to make a fuss if a 3yo touched your food and then continue moaning after the child's apologised.

Beatrixpotty Sat 29-Jun-13 14:04:10

Oh well looks like I was U.Fair enough.
In answer to why/how it happened in the first place,I had my hands full.Baby in sling,2 year old next to me,3 year old who I thought was sensible,me bending over to pick up the lunch..
I obviously accompanied him him to apologise and also said sorry.
Was probably oversensitive because I don't like to think I can't control my children but going out with 3 under 4 can be hard work sometimes.

LoveBeingUpAt4InTheMorning Sat 29-Jun-13 14:06:14

He sounds like a 3 year old so don't worry about it

Sirzy Sat 29-Jun-13 14:06:40

It may be hard work but that doesn't allow you to verbally abuse people who don't find your children fantastic.

You should have said sorry and left it at that.

He didn't continue moaning he went off to eat his food it was the OP who interrupted him to still go on about it.

perplexedpirate Sat 29-Jun-13 14:08:06

Three year olds aren't sensible.
I agree with the man, I would have been livid.

HeySoulSister Sat 29-Jun-13 14:09:13

He didn't continue moaning??

The op carried it on tho...

Where and how did you take two preschoolers and a baby swimming? Much respect!

Gruntfuttock Sat 29-Jun-13 14:10:08

I feel sorry for the man tbh.

WhoNickedMyName Sat 29-Jun-13 14:11:04

Good god, the poor guy went out for breakfast and ended up having his food prodded, followed by being harassed by you. The cafe also lost out - I assume you didn't offer to pay for the wasted croissant?

YABU.

ihearsounds Sat 29-Jun-13 14:11:41

So you knew that your child wasn't with you, because you thought that he was off somewhere being sensible?

The man was right. Learn to control your children. You also need to learn that not everyone likes children. Even if people do like children, they certainly do not like them touching food.

And yes i know it's hard. Had 3 under 4. This is what reins and wrist straps are invented for. For the child that doesn't like to hold hands, because like it or not, they cannot wander off when they feel like it.

Eyesunderarock Sat 29-Jun-13 14:11:59

That poor cashier, she thought she'd defused the situation.
Just be aware Op, that next time you might get someone who would react much more aggressively to your scolding of them.

DarkWinter Sat 29-Jun-13 14:12:16

You would have got very short shrift if you'd have done that to me, I'm afraid. Your son ruined his breakfast, then you made it worse! I think, actually, that you for off rather lightly.

HeySoulSister Sat 29-Jun-13 14:12:20

If you struggle op, why choose a Saturday to take them? Everywhere is much busier...

TotallyBursar Sat 29-Jun-13 14:13:01

The poor guy isn't a twat, he just doesn't shit rainbows and sunbeams in the face of toddler onslaught - that is most definitely allowed.

Go to a cafe, find someone queueing and go and stick your finger in their ham roll - how long before you were asked to leave? Allowances were made for the fact this was a child.

He was forced into three separate interactions because of something someone else's child did - he had no part in this until he was randomly picked by the toddler.

Experiences like this are why folk avoid 'family friendly' or just have their heart sink when children are herded in to where they are eating.
If you are childless there seems to be a completely unreasonable expectation by some parents that you fawn over and accept whatever behaviour is being allowed - usually disrupting your meal or your enjoyment- and anyone not beaming like an electrified corpse is subhuman because they dislike children (usually your child - no plural) and is just asking for an earful about how dreadful they are. Complete oblivious self absorption.

Eyesunderarock Sat 29-Jun-13 14:13:53

grin

HandMini Sat 29-Jun-13 14:15:21

You were unreasonable to go back to him and harangue. I would have felt you were very aggressively.

He sounds a bit ratty. Oh well, no law that says you have to be nice / like children / say things like "oh don't worry about it" when inside you are seething.

You don't know he hadn't just had an equally shit / trying morning (tho I doubt it, how on earth do you take all three swimming? Genuine Q, I have a toddler and a 6 month old and would like to do it)

Floggingmolly Sat 29-Jun-13 14:16:32

You were looking for confrontation going back over to him like that.
Your child should not have touched food on another persons tray, full stop.
Random people in cafes don't have to be sympathetic to your difficulties juggling 3 children, they just want to be left in peace to have their meal.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now