To be fucking raging about sleazy horrible men

(123 Posts)
SweetHoneyBeeeeee Fri 28-Jun-13 19:50:54

I don't know what it is about me but I seem to attract the unwanted attention of fucking horrible sleazy men sad I am happily married (not really relevant) and dress quite conservatively but just seem to always be the subject of horrible men running their eyes over me and blowing kisses/dropping their business cards in my lap/hooting/making (very unsubtle) remarks to theirs friends and since even asking for shag in a train full of people. Today has been dress down at work, I am wearing skinny jeans, flats a floaty vest top and a baggy cardi ...to be honest, this morning I looked in the mirror and thought I had overdone the under-dressed look and yet I still get some fucking asshole asking me if I fancy a fuck! angry No I FUCKING DON'T, FUCK OFF! (Disclaimer: pmt and my mother may have put me in a bad mood today) angry

8angle Thu 31-Mar-16 11:49:39

also if i was going to do it just to piss people off, i would write 1 or 2 lines not a fucking essay!

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Thu 31-Mar-16 11:46:10

And why would you bother?!

8angle Thu 31-Mar-16 11:42:37

how do people find these threads- this one is almost 3 years old!!

Sparklingbrook Thu 31-Mar-16 11:39:50

.

stopfuckingshoutingatme Thu 31-Mar-16 11:38:00

since I turned 40, it all stopped! hang on in there OP, ageism will overtake sexism

SeptemberFlowers Thu 31-Mar-16 11:13:38

This a Zombie thread ! Why post on it ?

Earthspirit1 Thu 31-Mar-16 11:09:52

I love charity clothes shopping and I use to have a favourite shop to go in but this horrible vile man works in there and he actually thought I was coming in so often to see him. I'm always polite to people even if they give me the creep vibe. I use to say hello to him but I remember one day I was talking to my mum on the phone waiting for the bus to take my car theory test she was telling me something really funny. Just at that time he came out of Gregg's in Sutton and said hello to me I smiled and waved and thought nothing of it I then looked through the window through Gregg's and he was staring out me and walking by and gave a yes I've pulled sign. I was so mortified and just confirmed my fears. I know when ever I was trying on clothes in the charity shop he would position himself so he could try and see through the curtain to watch me this really creeped me out. Worse still he tried to engage with my young children his breath always use to stink of alcohol and his fingers are yellow stained from smoking. I always look respectable and have a good job it makes my blood boil that this creepy little man actually thought he had a chance. Whenever I've walked through Sutton he has always slowed down to try and talk to me or followed me.this has upset me and my two little ones. Needless to say we don't go in that charity shop anymore or if I do I've worked out he doesn't volunteer on a friday but the horrible thing is we have to walk passed him to get to the library while he stands outside fagging it. It makes my stomach feel sick and I have to draw my children close to me.women shouldn't have to put up with men like this do they even realise how they make wommen feel. I thought about complaining but I think he is sad little man with no life and his volunteering is all he has.I think his managed to get a job with the shop opposite so that's another shop I have to avoid. I feel every time I'm in that area of Sutton I'm on creep alert and my stomach churns. I've even walked with my eldest son who is a big strapping lad to feel protected and this horrible man was having a mini break down and giving my son filthy looks in the shop when we went in together because he thought he was my partner.still didn't stop him from being creepy towards me.

limitedperiodonly Sun 30-Jun-13 08:24:30

So the question has to be asked, should sexually aggravated harassment be criminalised, as with racially aggravated offences recently?

Yes, I think if you're going to have the concept of hate crimes, they should, along with rape.

It's not going happen though, while women as well as men, persist in the belief that cat-calling, groping and rape aren't crimes, and crimes motivated by hatred at that, but just things that happen because of misunderstandings and misread signals.

I'm still amazed this thread hasn't attracted any apologists yet. It must have been the sunny weather - they were probably all out harassing or being harassed.

kickassangel Sun 30-Jun-13 04:57:22

www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://loltheists.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/dressed-like-this.jpg&imgrefurl=http://loltheists.com/?p%3D3500&h=700&w=937&sz=105&tbnid=QexcXGuBTh85LM:&tbnh=90&tbnw=120&zoom=1&usg=__G9WVnl-v4RySZ8VucoH26QjFlkw=&docid=PJzt4S0z8oQPyM&sa=X&ei=WqzPUajeOeWKjAKe9oGQAw&ved=0CC4Q9QEwAA&dur=6536

This sums up how much it ISN'T the fault of the woman being treated like this.

LessMissAbs Sun 30-Jun-13 03:49:01

And men seem to try it on more when a woman looks vulnerable that could be anything from looking young to being unaccompanied. And it seems worse in spring/summer than other times of the year.

Trouble is, if you complain too much about it, people think you're uptight.

I get it a lot. I'm both small and young looking, but im also possessed of a fearsome temper when it happens. My favourite retort at the moment is 'This isn't Afghanistan, and you aren't the fucking Taliban'.

As well as the above incidents, a few weeks ago I had a lorry driver keep flashing his lights at me in slow moving traffic whenever I pulled ahead of him.

He followed me into the petrol station I went into to fill up with diesel. I gave him it full barrels. He literally ran away, muttering that I was a nutter. What do these men think you're going to do? enact some scene from a porn film?

Its also been silly season for men I've never or barely spoken to tracking me down and pming me on Facebook. 3 so far this year, and for some reason often very early in the morning. All the type you wouldn't dream of dating even if you were desperate. I hate bloody Facebook pms from all but my closest friends with a passion.

LessMissAbs Sun 30-Jun-13 03:38:00

So the question has to be asked, should sexually aggravated harasment be criminalised, as with racially agravated offences recently?

Sheshelob Sat 29-Jun-13 22:06:31

A campaign alone will achieve little. Direct action is important. Why should we need to rely on an official voice telling people right from wrong when we can be directly confronting these issues as and when they come up? Things only change when you confront them head on.

This is not victim blaming. This is choosing not to stand by and let creepy men control how we are in the world. I have been on the receiving end of all measure of harassment. It didn't make me change anything about how I dressed (having a baby and being left with a crepey apron did that). But it made me fucking angry. So I wear that anger like a "don't fuck with me" armour. I'm not scared. I'm furious.

A campaign, no matter how effective, will never capture that.

FreudiansSlipper Sat 29-Jun-13 21:35:47

Agree if your partner is insisting that you change your behaviour or dress that is controlling behaviour

but programmes that help women get out of abusive relationships while placing the blame on their parnter will also work on building their self confidence so they are able to leave their relationship safely and confidently with less chance on them returning

I think people are confusing confidence as in social confidence or how you look with inner confidence how you feel about yourself in relation to others

Rowanred Sat 29-Jun-13 21:11:53

You need to perfect "a look" of pure distain for men like this. I get it a lot but normally get rid of them in under 30 seconds now. You just have to be really harsh. It works for charity muggers too! ( the "look" , that is!)

Darkesteyes Sat 29-Jun-13 21:05:56

If we bring our daughters up to change their behaviour and the way they dress to avoid harassment and abuse then they will also carry that message into their relationships as well.
According to Womens Aid if you have to change the way you dress or yr demeanour in a relationship to placate an abuser then that is abuse.
Saying that young women should change their demeanour or way they dress to avoid public harassment and abuse is then in direct contradiction to that. It is giving out mixed messages.

Darkesteyes Sat 29-Jun-13 21:01:21

How about a campaign telling males not to harass not to rape not to assault.

Sheshelob Sat 29-Jun-13 20:12:26

So how do you see this changing, darkesteyes and velvet? What are your practical solutions for the daily harassment of women, that don't require women to change their behaviour?

GeekLove Sat 29-Jun-13 15:39:36

londone17
Might be worth naming and shaming them particulary if they are a chain. At the very least we would know who to avoid.

learnasyougo Sat 29-Jun-13 15:29:31

I'm sure some men do it just to shock a woman and watch the woman's face change in response. A kinda pathetic cry for attention. Being the one to make someone else go shock or blush gives some people a sense of power. I suspect it's about that.

Darkesteyes Sat 29-Jun-13 15:12:03

Velvet i agree Thats exactly what i meant.

Darkesteyes Sat 29-Jun-13 15:00:06

I think ppl have misunderstood my post Of course you should face it down. I always do. What i object to is ppl saying that "if you appear
confident when you are out it will reduce the risk of you being harassed"

A. if you are not a confident person naturally it involves changing your behaviour to avoid harassment and abuse.
b. Like i said upthread if the genders were reversed on this and women were harassing quiet men do you really think they would be wringing their hands and getting on a forum to discuss whether the amount of confidence they were showing out in public contributed to their harassment?!!

Being expected to change yr demeanour and "appear confident" to avoid it IS victim blaming.

bellasuewow Sat 29-Jun-13 14:45:57

Solid is dead right, when I was young and hot I used to get it a lot and to be honest it is not a compliment it is a misogynistic put down by men who feel insulted by you because they see you and fancy you but realise they will never get near you so have to make themselves feel a bit better with some casual abuse, pathetic and illegal. I agree with you be safe and dress down on public transport and perfecting a looks could kill expression helps.

IfNotNowThenWhen Sat 29-Jun-13 14:18:36

Oh, for some reason I thought she was buying the mans top for herself! ( I have clearly been single too long!)
I agree with Freudian re victim blaming. If you say that a sleazebag picks on a particular type of person, that is not to say that the perp is not to blame. Its just saying that the man is on the lookout for someone he reckons he can humiliate and get away with it.
In the same way that you are far, far more likely to be assaulted under the age of 19, because you seem more vulnerable.
That is not to say that it is teenage girls fault for being young, just that certain men will be more likely to percieve you as a target when you are young.
My BFF used to get loads of awful stuff from sleazebags. Followed home, flashed at, awful comments. She is very slim and small boned,and probably seemed very young.
The fact that actually she us confident ( and has always had the voice of a chain smoking 45 year old!) didn't matter too much- although she could see them off quite effectively, it was how she was perceived.
So, not remotely her fault- nothing she could do about being teeny.
The fact is though, that we do need to learn to stand up for ourselves. Just to say " oh well it shouldn't happen" is not going to stop it. We should be vocal and pissed off about it, as a woman, and on behalf of other women, and girls when it happens to them.
culture can change- most building sites now have strict policies about this kind of behaviour, so it happens a lot less with construction workers. If women call these sleazebags on it, every time, and realise it doesn't have to just be part of life, then the tossers might think twice.

yamsareyammy Sat 29-Jun-13 13:26:01

Do you wear a lot of pink or red?
Are you in certain areas?

Not at all saying that this excuses anyone's behaviour.

SofaCanary Sat 29-Jun-13 13:16:04

This never happens to me and to be honest I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that confused

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