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To be fucking raging about sleazy horrible men

(116 Posts)
SweetHoneyBeeeeee Fri 28-Jun-13 19:50:54

I don't know what it is about me but I seem to attract the unwanted attention of fucking horrible sleazy men sad I am happily married (not really relevant) and dress quite conservatively but just seem to always be the subject of horrible men running their eyes over me and blowing kisses/dropping their business cards in my lap/hooting/making (very unsubtle) remarks to theirs friends and since even asking for shag in a train full of people. Today has been dress down at work, I am wearing skinny jeans, flats a floaty vest top and a baggy cardi ...to be honest, this morning I looked in the mirror and thought I had overdone the under-dressed look and yet I still get some fucking asshole asking me if I fancy a fuck! angry No I FUCKING DON'T, FUCK OFF! (Disclaimer: pmt and my mother may have put me in a bad mood today) angry

SweetHoneyBeeeeee Fri 28-Jun-13 20:38:27

I agree slipper * must practice disparaging remarks *

honestpointofview Fri 28-Jun-13 20:39:15

Good Evening SweetHoney

As a man can I say I am sorry for the offence caused. I know it does not help my lady but I also find it inappropriate and I don't know why men do it.

So you to my lady and all the other ladies I am sorry and please be assured not all men are like that.

Kind Regards

James

RiotsNotDiets Fri 28-Jun-13 20:45:30

Sweet

You could carry a couple of these catcaller forms with you when out and hand them to any harassers. They get the point across very well I think. I would recommend you have a look at Hollaback.org (I posted a link to it above) it has lots of great info and is a good place to share your story.

It really sucks the big one this sort of thing. I haven't had it too much in public but in nightclubs I've had it loads and it's really horrible. I've always been in a relationship and never actually been "on the pull" so it confuses the fuck out of me!

Once in Stratford one of the BOUNCERS grabbed me and said "so we going for a fuck then??"

shock

RandomMess Fri 28-Jun-13 20:50:52

vjg13 - where did I say it was her fault!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was only trying to think of ways to reduce the amount of unwanted vile and sleazy attention the op is being subjected to.

These blokes are not necessarily the same level of sleaziness to all woman.

SweetHoneyBeeeeee Fri 28-Jun-13 20:55:12

Hey Random I know its not my fault grin and I know you didn't mean it that way...pretty standard advice on avoiding harassment/attack is to look confident so you are right...I think it rubs people up the wrong way though as it just shouldn't happen, regardless.. but this is life and that is unfortunately unit realistic at the moment, so good advice and well meant - thanks grin .

I think I will carry some catcall cards -great idea

londone17 Fri 28-Jun-13 20:57:57

I stopped going swimming because men kept bothering me. I complained to management who said they have no harrassment policy so I wrote a letter of complaint to their head office to say why I cancelled my membership. They didnt reply.

MrsLouisTheroux Fri 28-Jun-13 21:00:11

There are so many sleezy men out there and not all of them fit the 'sleezy male stereotype' either which makes it worse because they are harder to spot.
When I was young and slim I came across everything you are talking about. Some men just can't seem to help themselves and they are revolting. Not so much these days, do I miss the attention? God no!

TwllBach Fri 28-Jun-13 21:01:08

I started a similar thread a little while ago after watching some awful men catcall and leer at three teenaged girls walking down the street.

I could list of a million and one instances where I have been intimidated by men thinking its ok and that it's just a part of life and it fucking well shouldn't be.

RandomMess Fri 28-Jun-13 21:02:13

SweetHoney just how bad is that shapeless coat?

I cycle to work think I'm going too fast to hear the comments...

specialsubject Fri 28-Jun-13 21:03:34

it's nothing to do with you. It is them.

the only bonus is it identifies men (and women) that no-one should ever breed with.

VelvetSpoon Fri 28-Jun-13 21:05:38

It's really nothing to do with confidence, if anything I think men do this stuff more often to confident, attractive women.

I have posted before about this, but I was harassed constantly at secondary school, all through my teens. I have had many men say I look 'up for it', or that they think I'd be a good fuck, or an easy lay - dating sites are a particular joy for that sort of misogynistic woman hating bullshit, but I've had it said in RL as well.

It's disgusting and frankly it's only getting worse, there is a scary sense of entitlement among men of all ages, and the fact many women still adhere to the view that you can prevent this by dressing in a certain way, being confident, whatever, really doesn't help.

SweetHoneyBeeeeee Fri 28-Jun-13 21:07:06

It's pretty bad, bad enough the dh, dsis and best friend have all commented on it being awful and making me look old but

1. I get zero male attention in it, and
2. I feel since wearing it I am taken a bit more seriously at work (am the youngest by about 10 years in a pretty senior team of professionals)

These are very disappointing reasons for liking the coat...but I do sad

IfNotNowThenWhen Fri 28-Jun-13 21:09:11

Agree with solidgoldbrass. This usually has very little to go with what you are wearing/ what you look like. I used to get it a lot, when I was less confident,( and from age 12 on) but not ever now. I can objectively say I am still quite attractive-nice figure, long hair; I wear make up and heels, but I think , after years of practice, I exude an air of " dont even think about it" .
Men who stare/ make comments etc do it to make you uncomfortable. If I am sitting on a train , for example, and a man starts staring at me, I used to look away and feel flustered. Then he may make a comment or try something worse. Now I stare back, agressively, until he looks away.
This is not to say its your fault, its just that sleazy, inadequate arseholes are also cowards,( because they are bullies) and so will target those they feel are more vulnerable.
Nobody should have to put up with this crap, ever.

cogitosum I'm not trying to be an arse or nuffin but there's a very prolific poster called cogitoergosometimes and your name is quite easy to mix up with hers. Usual Mnetiquette I think when this arises is for the newer/not prolific poster to tweak their name so it's more varied...not saying you have to, but it could get confusing.

SweetHoneyBeeeeee Fri 28-Jun-13 21:12:40

Wow ifnotnow...love your confidence...I was habit of an ugly duckling /tom boy/no boy was ever interested type in my childhood/university days and have been told that I have blossomed in recent years...maybe I need an attitude readjustment grin

MrsDeVere Fri 28-Jun-13 21:13:01

I used to get this a lot. It was a constant stream of vile crap from the age of about 13.

It was a sort of background noise to my teens and twenties. I still got it in my 30s but now I am happily invisible.

I went to a pub a few weeks back full of men my age. It was horribly weird to be the subject of male attention again.

I do think its getting worse overall though. It seemed to be less acceptable in the 90s but now its back with a vengeance.

I have never considered myself a stunner. I doubt the men who cat called me could really see what I looked like anyway. I was just an object to be humiliated and taunted.
It was worse when I had lots of blonde dreadlocks all piled up on my head. That made me fair game apparently hmm

It is utter crap and few things make me more angry than women saying 'awww its only a bit of fun innit. I like it, it makes me feel good about myself'.
Yeah mate, they really, really like you, thats why they are shouting for you to get your tits out.

SweetHoneyBeeeeee Fri 28-Jun-13 21:13:07

*a bit, not habit...bloody phone!

SacreBlue Fri 28-Jun-13 21:14:21

Horrendous so angry at this type of behaviour - confident, shy, dressed in whatever way, it's disgusting.

I am tolerant, even like, a bit of banter, but it is very nearly always obvious who is 'bantering' and who is sleazy I have had supposedly 'respectable' people make the most appalling comments to/about me and now I am older (and more confident) I feel no compunction in telling them to fuck off.

Btw in my work I have had only 2 people behave this way and the first time I worked with them was also the last and I made it very clear to them and others as to why. sickos

MrsDeVere Fri 28-Jun-13 21:15:08

I agree with ifnot.
I don't take any crap these days. I used to look down when I passed men. Now I look straight ahead and if I do feel intimidated I will look up rather than down.

But I am very rarely intimidated. If someone is being that shite I will get angry rather than flustered.

HighInterestRat Fri 28-Jun-13 21:15:14

Yep, I get this all the time. In work, pushing a pram down the street (you'd think that might put them off but no), nights out, everywhere. What's worse is that my son is almost four and is starting to notice and ask what is happening. sad

HighInterestRat Fri 28-Jun-13 21:16:12

Has anyone seen this:

www.ihollaback.org/

wigglybeezer Fri 28-Jun-13 21:17:11

I suggest glasses, I am not bad looking, slim figure etc. but glasses seem to render you invisible to a certain type of man.

Joking aside, it's hideous, as is the opposite when you get called a dog or a minger if you have dared to dress for practicality rather than frivolity.

IfNotNowThenWhen Fri 28-Jun-13 21:20:19

re public transport pests, I have also found it can help to stare very hard at the perpetrators crotch, and then laugh quietly to yourself.gives them a taste of their own medicine ( they dont like it!)
I dont know about confident Op. Possibly just scary :D To be serious though, I suffered more than one sexual assault as a teenager, so my attitude is born of that really.

HighInterestRat Fri 28-Jun-13 21:20:38

Xposts - must read links correctly! blush

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