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To be fucking raging about sleazy horrible men

(116 Posts)
SweetHoneyBeeeeee Fri 28-Jun-13 19:50:54

I don't know what it is about me but I seem to attract the unwanted attention of fucking horrible sleazy men sad I am happily married (not really relevant) and dress quite conservatively but just seem to always be the subject of horrible men running their eyes over me and blowing kisses/dropping their business cards in my lap/hooting/making (very unsubtle) remarks to theirs friends and since even asking for shag in a train full of people. Today has been dress down at work, I am wearing skinny jeans, flats a floaty vest top and a baggy cardi ...to be honest, this morning I looked in the mirror and thought I had overdone the under-dressed look and yet I still get some fucking asshole asking me if I fancy a fuck! angry No I FUCKING DON'T, FUCK OFF! (Disclaimer: pmt and my mother may have put me in a bad mood today) angry

SweetHoneyBeeeeee Fri 28-Jun-13 19:52:39

Hmm just reread and realised will get a flaming for stealth boast so thought I'd clarify - I am genuinely upset, this happened in a deserted train station and was intimidating sad I bloody hate it!

OHforDUCKScake Fri 28-Jun-13 19:53:59

Ergh it can be horrible cant it.

I get beeped at and "alright darlin!" Which is bad enough, but when Im with my kids? Really?

I just ignore unwanted idiot attention (its not like they are every even attractive ffs) most of the time but when my children are right there and old enough to notice it really really makes me rage.

OHforDUCKScake Fri 28-Jun-13 19:54:26

Its not a stealth boast. Its harassment.

RandomMess Fri 28-Jun-13 19:57:05

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Is it possible that you come across as lacking confidence? Just thinking of what you can do to deter these men harrasing you.

SweetHoneyBeeeeee Fri 28-Jun-13 19:59:02

It just makes me so bloody cross (and sometimes want to cry when I feel pathetic)! How is this ever ok? Who do these men think they are? What is the rationale? Surely it never works? If my son or husband ever behaved in this way I would be devastated.

ZillionChocolate Fri 28-Jun-13 19:59:09

Horrible. Men like that are awful.

Wereonourway Fri 28-Jun-13 19:59:14

I was at traffic lights on a busy roundabout last week. Ds was in the car with me and I had my window down a bit.

Was aware of a van next to me and the male passenger wound down his window and shouted "nice tits".

He was drinking a can of lager too, at 10am. Btw I had a best top on, was very warm but suitably covered and I've not got massive norks.

He made me feel a bit sick, especially as he could see ds in car with me

mcmooncup Fri 28-Jun-13 19:59:20

Have you seen the @everydaysexism project?
We shouldn't have to laugh this shit off.

Wereonourway Fri 28-Jun-13 19:59:44

Vest top. Definitely not my best top

SweetHoneyBeeeeee Fri 28-Jun-13 20:01:24

I'm not sure, I am secretly a little but insecure but everyone in rl says I come across as very confident (good actress, me)...I have recently bought an overlarge shapeless coat which seems to make me invisible to men and I feel so much happier wearing it, but the point is I shouldn't bloody need to!

mcmooncup Fri 28-Jun-13 20:01:47

And none of you need to justify what you were wearing.
They have no right WHATEVER you are wearing.
Fuckwits.

I actually had a married neighbour KNOCK ON MY FUCKING DOOR this week to tell me I'm beautiful and he loves me and watches me in the mornings.
Really?!?!?!? I mean who the fuck do you think you are doing that?!?
I'm still furious and that was Monday.

SweetHoneyBeeeeee Fri 28-Jun-13 20:02:10

What a scumbag were! angry

Triumphoveradversity Fri 28-Jun-13 20:02:22

I had this a lot when I was young, it can be intimidating and upsetting.
I asked a male colleague once and he said I looked dirty, the sort of girl you wouldn't want to marry but would want as a notch on the bed post. At the time I was single and am actually a bit of a prude so was very upset.

I even got wolf whistled at while hugely pg.

I developed a stern look.

vjg13 Fri 28-Jun-13 20:04:13

Hideous for you, and really RandomMess it must be her fault because 'is it possible you come across as lacking confidence' hmm.

More likely just a really creepy man.

SweetHoneyBeeeeee Fri 28-Jun-13 20:05:55

Yes, I have been practising my evil eye. Must have some practised phrases at hand so I can put across what a fucking twunt these people are instead of shrinking in embarrassment next time sad

Wereonourway Fri 28-Jun-13 20:08:15

The more I thought of it the more wound up I got so I totally agree op.

It's absolutely not ok but obviously fairly common. Yak

Wereonourway Fri 28-Jun-13 20:11:15

mcmooncup that's actually quite alarming!

Do you feel safe?

cogitosum Fri 28-Jun-13 20:13:59

I'm 38 weeks pregnant and had a car bin and driver shout 'milf at me yesterday.

Yanbu at all it's intimidating and unnecessary.

thebody Fri 28-Jun-13 20:14:30

This thread sounds very familiar to me actually.

Need to perhaps look at old threads.

Anyhoo yes vile op, my ds was accosted and sexually assaulted by a group of middle aged women recently, he is 22 and works in a local bar.

Very grim.

Men arnt the only perpetrators.

RiotsNotDiets Fri 28-Jun-13 20:18:02

I found this fantastic organisation after a complete stranger groped my breasts in public.

Therapeutic to share your story and to support others in sharing their's.

It does happen a lot, and it is unpleasant and unacceptable.
Something to bear in mind is that men who do this are not, actually, overcome with desire because you are irresistibly beautiful (OP I have no idea what you actually look like and am not making any comments about it), but because they want to humiliate you. What they are after is your fear, your anger, your embarrassment, not for you to actually stop in your tracks, drop your knickers and go 'Well come on then, sexy!'

A genuine compliment from a passing stranger is different. It doesn't feel creepy and upsetting because it's not meant to.

SweetHoneyBeeeeee Fri 28-Jun-13 20:29:10

angry at all the stories (though sort of glad it's probably not anything I'm doings it happens to lots if people) What can we do about it though? What is the appropriate response?

FreudiansSlipper Fri 28-Jun-13 20:32:02

I have noticed when I feel vulnerable I get or got more attention. Even though I could look confident I would not always feel it. Also as I have got older I get less of this type of attention because these creeps know they are less likely to get away with it

I think a few times of saying something back you will feel different and maybe give a different vibe off

Not to put the blame on you at all but I think men like this can sense who theyi can say somethng too and who they can't and it is time women were more confrontational to this behaviour. it is hard when we have been bought up to just accept men will be men crap and also we are not meant to be aggressive in anyway

I got a lot of attention when I was pregnant, I felt very alone (I was) and it made me feel even more vulnerable

SweetHoneyBeeeeee Fri 28-Jun-13 20:36:59

You are totally right solid, it is not about looks, it certainly cannot be about the way I am dressed and I have had genuine comments before which have been lovely and it is hard to put my finger on exactly what makes them different. I think a genuine compliment which is specific, given in a non threatening environment and in a non threatening way with nothing except a 'thankyou' expected back can be nice...the awful ones are those that use foul/derogatory language (tits, arse etc) which from a stranger can be intimidating, or are coupled with leering, invasion of personal space etc. Is this difficulty for men to understand (genuine question)? Or are these people just arseholes? And of course it works with the genders reversed (or two of the same) as well...I am nothing if not inclusive grin

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