Smoking in public places - WIBU to ask them to move??!

(104 Posts)
Umlauf Fri 28-Jun-13 10:28:07

I'm 6months pregnant at the moment so this is bothering me more than usual..

On at least 4 occasions this week, I've sat down with my DH on a public bench/beach/outside cafe/park. (I'm aware that people can smoke in public and its their right so we just don't sit next to anyone smoking - aside from passive smoking risks the smell just makes me gag now). There are loads of other places to sit so why do the smokers come and sit RIGHT NEXT TO me and my very visible bump and light up immediately?

If they were there first then fair enough, but why choose to come and sit next to the pregnant woman? I've seen it happen a lot where there are families with pushchairs too, people happily smoke in their baby's face...

And WIBU to ask them politely to sit elsewhere next time this happens? (Assuming an abundance of available seats, which there always are otherwise I'd understand)

I know they have a right to sit where they like, but isn't this just common courtesy? Same as I wouldn't play loud tinny music on a phone when sat right next to other people?

specialsubject Fri 28-Jun-13 10:30:16

most smokers don't have common courtesy (nor do many people with tinny phones or overloud earphones - at least you have the comfort of knowing the latter will be deaf in two years)

just get up pointedly and walk away. It's all you can do.

Sirzy Fri 28-Jun-13 10:30:58

I agree they shouldn't sit next to someone else when going to smoke out of politeness but I think it's one of those things you just have to accept will happen because it is legal for them to do so. I find it easier to just move away rather than potentially get into an argument.

bettycocker Fri 28-Jun-13 10:35:21

You could ask them to stop or move. What's the worst that can happen? They might get a bit pissed off.

It's a tricky one though. You kind of are BU, because if it isn't a non smoking area, they are well within their rights to smoke.

I know what you mean about the smell of cigarettes when you're pregnant. I was a smoker, but as soon as I got pregnant the smell literally made me vomit. I couldn't even talk to someone who had been smoking without having to rush to the nearest loo.

gamerchick Fri 28-Jun-13 10:35:40

If somebody came up to me and told me to move I would laugh my head off. Smokers are banned from a lot of places.. You do not have the right to tell somebody not to smoke outside.

Groan "Oh heck (or insert a more appropriate word) that smoke is making me heave"

and throw up at their feet in a spectacular Regan McNeill (Excorcist) fashion.

I only got Morning Sickness in the first 12 weeks (so when I threw up on the tracks at Stratford Station I just looked like I was a drunk lush, not the obviously pg woman)

BlessedDespair Fri 28-Jun-13 10:37:37

put your bags on the seat so they can't sit near you?

Make loud tutting noises about the inconsiderateness of some people?

Politely ask them to move as that seat is taken?

People who choose to smoke near non smokers annoy the hell out of me

Umlauf Fri 28-Jun-13 10:42:29

Haha 70s I did groan and DH thought I was being massively unreasonable, hence my q here!!

Of course they are within their right to smoke near me, I know that, but by the same token, aren't I within my fit to do a massive smelly fart and walk over to them just before I do?

I obviously wouldn't, because it would stink and not be nice for them! (Although no health risks to them, so arguably better?!)

I was wondering whether I would BU to have a polite phrase rather than the tutting and groaning, because I think tutting would just get their back up... Is there no nice way of asking that wouldn't piss them off?

gamerchick Fri 28-Jun-13 10:43:28

Yeah those neon signs non smokers have above their heads are a dead giveaway.

I smoke and I would never sit next to someone who wasn't smoking and light up. However if I was there first and they sat next to me I wouldn't move for them.

prettybird Fri 28-Jun-13 10:45:30

You could say, "Do you mind not smoking please? I'm pregnant and the smell really makes me feel sick."

If they say no, you just have to move and make them look bad and (hopefully) feel guilty

"most smokers don't have common courtesy"

Sorry but I think this is completely untrue. I'm a smoker and I always make a conscious decision to stand away from virtually every other person around me when I am outside. Most others I know do the same.

You are outside though. I can't see how a whiff of smoke when you are outside can possibly be harmful. Gag-inducing maybe but harmful?

QueenofallIsee Fri 28-Jun-13 10:46:42

I am smoke free now and have been for nearly 7mths - previously I smoked up to 20 a day and did for almost 20 years (cept when preg/BF and a period of non smoking here and there). I would never smoke near a family or a pregnant woman or even near other people to be honest (except in the Smoking area of a pub) as I was very aware of their comfort - so many thanks to the poster who reckons all smokers have no manners, awesome and in no way pathetic as a statement.

to be honest I would not respond well to being moved on by a non smoker though OP, if there are lots of seats then move away rather than starting a row.

CloudsAndTrees Fri 28-Jun-13 10:48:12

I'm a smoker, I would never go and sit next to someone then start smoking, pregnant or not.

In your position, I'd get up and walk away, the same as I would with anyone else that was being anti social.

ShabbyButNotChic Fri 28-Jun-13 10:49:24

Nice bit of generalisation there special ... Im a smoker, and would never sit next to anyone and light up, its just bad manners, unless they are already smoking or you are in a designated smoking area. All my friends that smoke are the same, but you will always get some rude people who sinply dont think about others. I would say it was fine to politely ask someone to move.
One thing i cant stand though is when non smokers go ibto the smoking area at the pub, then complain and fake cough...if you dont like it get out of the smoking area!! Rant over haha

Umlauf Fri 28-Jun-13 10:54:37

I think a lot of smokers do avoid smoking around children and babies, I certainly did during my brief foray into smoking when living abroad, but I obviously don't see these smokers as they aren't sitting next to me!

Likewise I wouldn't have a massive problem if the only seat available was next to me, I choose to visit a cafe that accepts smokers.

Its just when there are loads of seats there, we are clearly settled with drinks etc, why do I have to move?! It is really annoying having to change places when you were there first.

I think I'm going to try your question next time it happens prettybird and report back on how it goes!

Pigsmummy Fri 28-Jun-13 10:57:09

I find that smokers do that even though I have a small baby with me.

Some smokers think that because they are outside it won't affect anyone else, they don't smell it like a non smoker so think others can't too. (I have asked smoker friends so basing this on them not all smokers).

I asked a friend why he lit up in my brand new car and he said as the roof was down it was fine as we were in the fresh air. I said that I didn't want my new car stinking of cigarettes and having ash in it and he was really surprised, hadn't thought of that, he assumed all the smoke and ash would magically disperse into the air and not near me or on the car. He put his cigarette out when getting out of the car wiped up the ash that he left too(slightly red in the face).

Sirzy Fri 28-Jun-13 10:58:51

Gamer - surely the polite thing to do is assume that others are non smokers unless they are smoking themselves and therefore not light up next to them?

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Fri 28-Jun-13 11:00:44

SpecialSubject your comment about most smokers not having common courtesy is rubbish.

I would love if more people told my DH off for smoking near them!

I think it's vile. I would love him to quit.

Sadly, he's one of those considerate types who doesn't smoke near children/pregnant women/the general populous if he can help it!

I don't think it would be U to ask someone to put out a cigarette or move away from you if it's making you ill and there are other places to sit.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Fri 28-Jun-13 11:02:12

I have been just over a week without smoking....it's the first time I have ever given up and the last. I smoked for twenty years but never again. When I DID smoke, I would NEVER smoke near anyone else. Not ever.

ChunkyPickle Fri 28-Jun-13 11:03:16

It is bad manners to sit down next to someone and light up, and very, very rude to do it next to a pregnant woman!

Most smokers are considerate (well, except for dropping the stubs..), and would make sure they were down-wind or be apologetic (some to the point of horrified) if they find they've lit up next to a pregnant woman/baby, but there's always the selfish bastards who come and sit next to your picnic and blow smoke in your direction - the trouble being those same selfish bastards aren't likely to move even if you do ask them.

I would say, by all means ask them to move, but it'd probably be easier to move yourself in my experience.

NoRainNoRainbow Fri 28-Jun-13 11:04:54

If its a smoking area, yabu.

I've smoked on and off and whenever I've been in a place where I can smoke, I wouldn't notice a pregnant woman, a baby/toddler yes I would notice so i would not smoke near them. But a pregnant bump....I'm not that observant tbh, so wouldn't notice you. If you asked me to move afterwards, id say no.

Some smokers are more considerate than others, just as some people, in general, are more considerate than others.

I don't like people who come up and sit next to you when there are plenty of vacant seats elsewhere, whether they are having a fag or not. I find it intrusive and usually get up and move without a word (though prepared for trouble as people who do this are generally nutters or creeps).

Also, OP, it may not be that visible that you are PG, if you are sitting down/wearing a big coat or whatever.

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