to ask you to tell me to get a grip!!!!

(57 Posts)

Ok this is my first ever post....

Im sat on my sofa crying my heart out and I need to get a grip!!!!

My dad went into hospital 4 weeks ago for a heart operation. . He was meant to be home after 5 days...

The op went well but he suffered some major complications and is now on life support it has come as such a massive massive shock and im not coping well.... he is awake but he had a stroke 3 days ago.... he has had a tracheostomy fitted so cant talk but I can lip read most of what he says...

Ive just got home after spending all day with him.... all he keeps saying is please dont leave me.. why am I here and is crying...

Me and my mum had a meeting with the consultant yesterday and they are now trying him on the last antibiotics that they can and if they dont work there is nothing else they can do and will look at making him comfortable and turnung off support so he will pass away...

My grandma my dads mum is 91 and very switched on she hasnt been to see my dad as she is in a home and I hadnt told her how poorly he was... she had a fall yesterday and was unconscious I was with her at the time and went in the ambulance with her but have been told she hasnt long left...

I also broke up with my partner of 11 years a month ago I just dont know how much more I can take!!!

If anyone has got to the end please pour yourself a massive glass of wine xxxx

We cant stay as cicu say he needs to rest which he does spoke to the consultant sgsin he doesn't look like hes responding at the moment xx

MrsDeVere Fri 28-Jun-13 12:30:32

I don't have any advice to offer except you are much stronger than you think and you will be able to deal with whatever happens.

I know is terribly frightening and I know its feels wrong to want someone to go when you are desperate for them to stay. But its not wrong, its natural.

I am so sorry you are facing this. You deserve sympathy and kindness and no grips need to be got x

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Fri 28-Jun-13 12:38:50

Oh, OK. NICU were fab, we stayed around the clock (between us) for 3 months, others did too. Maybe they are more understanding on NICU?

I hope he starts to respond to the AB's soon x

How is your Grandma today? Have you had a chance to visit her yet?

xxx

specialsubject Fri 28-Jun-13 12:51:28

it is an awful cliche, but grief is the price for love - and love makes it worthwhile. You can't see that at the moment and it will be quite some time.

there are no rules, no need for a grip - just look after yourself, don't be afraid to cry and take all the offers of help that are there.

With grandma now..... poor love the doctors have said she wont last much longer so ill have a couple more hours with her then trek back to the other side of the hospital to my dad.... xx

mouseymummy Fri 28-Jun-13 13:17:32

I really feel for you, I was in a similar place 6 years ago, my gran was very ill and coming towards the end of her life, my aunt was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of cancer and in the middle of it all, my ex walked out on me. It was a fucking awful time.

What you said upthread really struck a chord with me. When ny aunt had passed away, I felt very guilty for a good few months after as the day before I had finally said outloud, 'i wish her suffering was over'. It wasnt until her dd said something similar I realised that I had nothing to feel guilty for. Looking back now, it was a perfectly normal reaction.

Take all the time you need to go back into tour dad, people who have strokes often get confused and need a little extra reassurance.

Keep posting Xx

SueDoku Fri 28-Jun-13 14:36:05

Oh you have all my sympathy OP - I've been there & it's horrible. flowers By the way, don't feel guilty if you feel relieved when your Dad does die - I beat myself up over that for months, but it's a perfectly natural reaction when someone you love has been suffering so much. Take care of yourself.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now