School related, and more 'would I be a mentalist if...'

(41 Posts)
OhTiger Thu 27-Jun-13 21:25:19

I emailed my DD's new Y7 (September) tutor to explain her family?

I guess it's not too complicated, to us. I'm resident parent, and here there is just me her and little DD2 in our teeny house.

At her Dads massive pile house (standard one night a week and every other weekend) she has <deep breath> two older siblings with partners and children of their own, 5 in total, dads partner and her 4 DD's, technically stepsisters I suppose. So it's fucking mental a bit busy, and a teeny bit complicated for her to explain and a black hole as far as PE kits and homework diaries go

We went to meet the tutor evening tonight and it was just me, her and her dad, and tutor asked if she was an only, and then looked baffled at the laughter and 'um, no, there are lots, erm' and there was not really time to explain, and tbh I don't think she would remember anyway as she was meeting 20 other kids. I'm not sure she even got that we weren't together as a family, though she might have confused

So a quick email to explain? And how the hell would I word it without looking bonkers, as she has this tutor for 5 years now and I like to not look to insane initially, or not bother and just let them all get on with it?

Cravey Fri 28-Jun-13 14:05:44

As a tutor I can honestly say its important for us to know these things. I like to know what's happening in my kids lives. The kids I tutor btw. It helps with a number of things. Kit not turning up, homework not being done. Letters home. The list is endless. Tell the tutor tiger. It is for the best. Also maybe your dd could learn to take control of her kit. That for me is somethingi specify to parents. It teaches them to take responsibility etc.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Fri 28-Jun-13 12:46:27

A good idea to send the email I'd say but I think I'd keep it brief. "DD1 lives primarily with me and her sister, DD2. She has regular contract with her father who lives with his wife and their children and grandchildren." I don't think the teacher needs to know the detail beyond that and can ask DD1 about it if she wants to.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Fri 28-Jun-13 12:27:16

Send the email - tell her who everyone is and tell her who is allowed/not allowed to request information/give permission etc so that it's all there on paper. It's not like you are asking her to sit a test on it later to see if she's been paying attention!

Is there anywhere at school that DD could leave her various PE kits?

QueenofallIsee Fri 28-Jun-13 10:53:04

It doesn't sound that complicated to me - 'she is our only child but she has a large extended step family on her F's side so we operate as a blended family'

And i say that as a family that turns up to DD parents evening/plays/option evenings with 5 guardians

OhTiger Fri 28-Jun-13 09:43:39

Of course it's my information to share! She's my daughter! Haha. And her dad would not even think about it. So it is up to me.

Based on the positive replies from actual tutors on this thread I shall send the email.

McGeeDiNozzo Fri 28-Jun-13 04:24:48

'Not your family information to share'? I have to disagree with you. It's her DD's DF. Just because they are estranged does not mean it is none of her business. These are people with whom her DD spends time.

OP, send the e-mail - any information about a kid's family background is useful and informative.

Idocrazythings Fri 28-Jun-13 02:12:04

I don't think you should send an email. It's not your family information to share. If (when) problems arise why can't you say she lives with me most of the time and ExH and his extended family the rest. Your DD might not like you telling teachers about her fathers family dynamics, too, at her new school (shouldn't her father be explaining?).

prissyenglisharriviste Fri 28-Jun-13 02:11:46

What mid nite said.

I haven't been telling my grade 6 what he needs to take this year (nor my grade 4 if I'm honest), and tbh I wouldn't have a clue what they need on what days. I occasionally find a lunchbox in the fridge (oh well, guess he's going hungry) or a PE kit lying by the front door, but unless they call me I'm not playing catch-up for them. Additionally, both of them have diagnosed sn. They still need to learn organisational tricks and personal responsibility.

I wouldn't bother with the email. The permissions form will suffice. By y7 she can explain herself in that tedious 'what I did in the school holidays' essay she will be writing in September.

MidniteScribbler Fri 28-Jun-13 02:01:02

She's going in to grade seven, she should be able to take responsibility for her own PE Kit and homework diary. Having two homes is pretty common, and not an excuse for being disorganised.

PurpleSwift Fri 28-Jun-13 01:49:06

Also i wouldn't have thought it would be too difficult for you or her father to just sign it? Why would it have to be any other assortment of adults?

PurpleSwift Fri 28-Jun-13 01:46:47

TBH i really wouldn't bother. I don't see how any of it is relevant to her education. Tutor was probably just asking out of politeness/mild curiosity.

OhTiger Thu 27-Jun-13 23:55:29

Lynette I can't actually afford to buy more than one of everything as it's all School Shop stuff rather than George at Asda stuff which I could get away with at primary. blush

OhTiger Thu 27-Jun-13 23:31:31

I'm feeling a bit sorry for the tutor now... But if I give her a list of everyone with full names (I hadn't thought of housekeeper til now, but she sometimes gets lumped with homework) that's 8 adults with 5 different surnames... and the homework planner will be 'thrown away by accident' at least a few times a year along with homework yes this has happened

It just sounds so bloody Jeremy Kyle, but it looks so upper middle. And it is a very naice grammar school I worked my arse off to get her into.

I'm sure it will be fine. Best time to send email? Now or September?

gobbin Thu 27-Jun-13 23:07:49

One of my tutor group spends a lot of time at his nan's and I accept her sig in the planner equally with his mum's. He sometimes leaves things at his nan's by mistake though (e.g. "My shoes are down my nan's") but he always sorts it the following day. It's not a problem as I know his circumstances.

Just explain that your DD has two homes and that the planner may sometimes be signed by another adult within the extended family.

LynetteScavo Thu 27-Jun-13 22:54:45

Erm....buy a few and just hand them out when DD requests?

This only worked with one of my DC. With the others, numerous kits disappeard into the black hole which is know at "the changing rooms".

OhTiger Thu 27-Jun-13 22:18:44

and if anyone would like to suggest a PE kit system, I'm all ears.

OhTiger Thu 27-Jun-13 22:14:03

I live in hope

Cravey Thu 27-Jun-13 22:01:25

Haha tiger that made me lol. Well done though your child is going to be pretty well balanced I would imagine.

OhTiger Thu 27-Jun-13 22:00:33

Cravey oh no, we absolutely despise each other. Just no one else can tell grin

OhTiger Thu 27-Jun-13 21:59:34

The PE kit is the bane of my bloody life.

She always has one. In the right sizes and sex from my house, slightly random from dad's... I've now got the housekeepers email and will be telling her exactly what DD needs on what days but I don't hold out much hope and she will have a rugby top on cricket day in 4 sizes too big no matter what I send

Cravey Thu 27-Jun-13 21:57:11

Oh and well done for being so balance about it all. I see so may parents who hate each other that this post is rather refreshing.

Cravey Thu 27-Jun-13 21:56:27

As someone who tutors privately I would welcome all the detail re family life etc. it all helps IMO and its always good to have a heads up on family situations. It may save the tutor putting a foot in it or help out if child has issues re homework etc.

OhTiger Thu 27-Jun-13 21:56:04

smile thank you all and thank you mnistooaddictive (it really is, isn't it?) I'm glad I was not being too obsessive and PFB about my PFB grin

xylem8 Thu 27-Jun-13 21:55:46

I wouldn't bother, there are only 3 weeks left and then presumably she'll have a new form tutor, besides you have told him there are lots of sibs, I don't think he needs a family tree.
Your DC needs to have a system for making sure she knows where her PE kit etc is.

LynetteScavo Thu 27-Jun-13 21:55:07

Definitely send the email.

But remember having an "interesting" home life is no excuse for not having your PE kit in school on a Monday morning.

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