to not want neice to stay at ours

(276 Posts)
ReflectingKites Thu 27-Jun-13 16:59:49

NC because this may identify me and I don't want RL people to read my previous posts.

Right, my neice is at some kind of summer school/camp thing in Leeds Monday to Friday next week. Her mum (DSISIL) is driving her up on Monday morning. She's due to pick her up on Friday but DSISIL is now saying that this will mean she has to take Friday off work and she can't do that (for some reason about not having enough hours and needing to take it as unpaid leave).

So, she suggested that we (that's me and DP, no kids) pick up my our neice on Friday, have her at ours on Friday night and then DSISIL will pick her up on Saturday afternoon.

So you know, we live about 30 miles from Leeds, we don't drive and we don't have children of our own. Neice is 7 years old.

I really don't want this to happen because a) I actually don't like my neice very much, b) I have no idea how to entertain a 7 yo child, and c) I don't want to have my Friday night and Saturday morning taken over my looking after this child. I don't mind DSISIL and her daughter coming over for a bit on Friday evening after she's picked up her daughter.

DP agrees with me but is of the opinion 'what can we do?' because he doesn't want to cause a row with his family. My perspective is that his sister is a selfish cow who continually dumps on people because she can't organise and sort out her own life. If we don't want to look after her daughter over night then we shouldn't feel forced to. If his parents and sister don't like it then fuck 'em. We never ask them to do anything for us that they don't want to and would never dream of it.

AIBU about this? I think I might be being a bit precious about my Friday night but I work fucking hard all week and I resent having part of my weekend stolen!!

Will try to update but my home internet is on the blink (no smartphone!) so it may have to wait until tomorrow.

SugarPasteGreyhound Sat 29-Jun-13 13:52:40

I know the whole genetic legacy thing is a big deal for some people, which I have never understood.

I feel sorry for the little girl, who sounds like she is getting the shitty end of the stick. although she sounds as if she has active and loving grandparents, which is something at least.

StillSeekingSpike Sat 29-Jun-13 13:52:37

Does this go both ways? If families are meant to rally round and support no matter what- does that mean that they also get the right to comment on parenting and how many children you have? wink

Well as far as we know (unless I missed an update with loads of other neiblings), this child is the DP's only genetic link with the future, so in crudely evolutionary terms he needs to rally round grin

SugarPasteGreyhound Sat 29-Jun-13 13:15:01

I see. how nice that those of us that don't have kids are stuck up and precious. I fail to understand why op is expected to be responsible for a child that isn't hers. interesting point about how a familial tie carries an obligation whether you want one or not. it's quite illuminating to find out that aunts and uncles are supposed to step in and be in loco parentis for children that they didn't have any control over procreating.

Snazzywaitingforsummer Sat 29-Jun-13 13:14:49

Protego you are seriously suggesting the child goes to stay with a local MNer - who to her would be some random stranger off the internet - instead?

OP, it would probably be more fun than you think to have your niece to stay - although that might depend on whether your reasons for 'not liking her' are because she's not a very pleasant child. But even so, you are not obliged to babysit so no one should act as though you are. And I do think the mum is pulling a fast one here, like all the ones on threads where SAHMs are looking after others' kids for free, or taking them to school, because the mum 'can't afford time off'. Other working parents just have to suck it up.

ArthurCucumber Sat 29-Jun-13 13:12:02

The OP will have kids if and when she damn well pleases, and I'm sure if she does, she'll love them as much as we love ours. If she's using the terms "SIL" and "DP" correctly, she isn't even this child's full aunt - she's the unmarried partner of her uncle. She has no responsibility. And so what if she doesn't like children? Far better to not like children and therefore not have them, than have them and not bother your arse with them, as it sounds like the SIL likes to do.

diddl Sat 29-Jun-13 13:11:04

I wouldn't give up my weekend unnecessarily for a child that I didn't like.

I wouldnt have done it pre children & I wouldn't do it now.

Actually, I wouldn't give up any of my time unnecessarily for anyone I didn't like.

Cerisier Sat 29-Jun-13 13:02:18

My DC are teens now and I do find small children pretty tedious, always have done. I like teenagers, they are far more interesting. Hence I wouldn't be volunteering to look after a 7 year old either.

itsallshitandmoreshit Sat 29-Jun-13 12:48:09

Please, please tell me you are planning on having children at some point so that I know you will look back on your stuck up attitude on this thread towards this child, her mother and 'your precious weekends' with horror.

Please?

xkittyx Sat 29-Jun-13 12:41:51

Exactly SPG. I like wine, feminism, wittyness, swearing... where else am I meant to go?

xkittyx Sat 29-Jun-13 12:40:28

Theonlyway thanks way to make someone feel unwelcome! I'm trying to explain calmly so that was a bit uncalled for.

SugarPasteGreyhound Sat 29-Jun-13 12:39:56

op is not responsible for parenting this child. she is an aunt, not a parent. can you imagine the uproar if she was actively trying to parent her niece? there would be myriad posts telling her to butt out, that she isn't the child's mother - Christ almighty stepmothers get a kicking on here and arguably they do have some kind of moral responsibility.

as for why people without kids come on here, it's because mn is a busy site with lots of topics, is a good source of support - although apparently not if you aren't keen on kids because that makes you "weird" - and sadly there aren't really any other sites out there that are funny and relevant.

xkittyx Sat 29-Jun-13 12:39:10

Anne, I've got quite a low tolerance for noise, mess etc. Bad nerves really. I do suck it up for family harmony and I'm very nice to them and do my best.

Theyoniwayisnorthwards Sat 29-Jun-13 12:37:38

Good point Gorilla. And it is an odd choice to participate in a parenting website if you don't like kids.

xkittyx Sat 29-Jun-13 12:35:30

MN is in the news a fair bit so I was curious. In my case I was drawn to the relationships board as I was trying to make sense of a past abusive relationship. Never posted but reading the threads there was hugely helpful. I also love reading the feminist section. AIBU is obviously very addictive! Never venture into the parenting section.
Anyway sorry for derail!

GoshAnneGorilla Sat 29-Jun-13 12:32:39

Xkittyx - yet I'm sure you wouldn't dream of saying you weren't keen on being around people with disabilities, or people of a different race to you. So why is it OK to say that about children?

HildaOgden Sat 29-Jun-13 12:24:53

I always assumed that the non-parents originally joined when they were considering becoming parents (eg IVF threads etc),and that it just hasn't happened for them yet.

I just find it curious...I think if I was childless (by choice),with no intentions of becoming a parent,I wouldn't do a google search that would lead me to a parenting site.Other forums,yes.For instance,I'd never end up joining a site for motorbike fanatics...purely because I have no intention of ever becoming a biker.

I don't think I'm explaining myself well grin

xkittyx Sat 29-Jun-13 12:18:10

Hilda there are loads of non parents on here, there have been a number of threads about it. I just don't read the parenting sections. Its also helped me be more understanding of my friends with children.

HildaOgden Sat 29-Jun-13 12:16:07

I wouldn't find it weird or be prejudiced about someone posting (or indeed,feeling) that they don't like kids.Ditto about someone being childless.Each to their own,and all that.

I do find it quite intriguing as to why someone chooses a parenting website in the first place though.

xkittyx Sat 29-Jun-13 12:14:30

GosgAnneGorilla, I'm not keen on being around kids. And clearly I imagined the myriad non child related topics on MN. It chimes with my life stage.

xkittyx Sat 29-Jun-13 12:12:38

Not all seven year olds are delightful. I wouldn't have my nephews to stay either, not interested in badly behaved children at all.
I think this thread goes to show how much prejudice there is againt child free woman. It's like it's only okay ifyou express adoration of nieces and nephews. Admit to being child free and disinterested and you are suddenly a selfish cow in the minds of some.

GoshAnneGorilla Sat 29-Jun-13 12:12:12

People who "don't really like children" are weird. It is so odd that on a parenting website of all places saying "I don't really the elderly/black people/ people with disabilities" would be rightly flamed, yet it is perfectly acceptable to think that about children.

forehead Sat 29-Jun-13 12:04:16

Tell your dp to get her.

Protego Sat 29-Jun-13 11:56:09

Because that is what kind people do for one another? Seven year olds are delightful - could a local MN-er step in perhaps?

HildaOgden Sat 29-Jun-13 11:51:09

I have a genuine question that I'd love you to answer as you have made me curious.As you have no kids,and don't seem to be planning to any time soon,what drew you to Mumsnet?Genuine question,not meant to be snipey.

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