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To think these are harsh things to say to a 4year old

(74 Posts)
1Veryhungrycaterpillar Wed 26-Jun-13 13:32:42

I'm probably going to be told I'm a wimp but I was a bit taken aback to hear an acquaintance saying to her DD that she was naughty and would be taken away by the police and put in a children's home, do I need to get a grip??

missuswife Wed 26-Jun-13 13:34:32

YANBU. It is mean and also the child will learn that she's not going to follow through. She needs to set consequences she can enforce.

happystory Wed 26-Jun-13 13:34:44

Horrible. I heard a 'friend' say this to her ds once, it was about 15 years ago but I have never forgotten it

Quangle Wed 26-Jun-13 13:34:50

No she does. shock

missuswife Wed 26-Jun-13 13:35:13

YANBU. It is mean and also the child will learn that she's not going to follow through. She needs to set consequences she can enforce.

jacks365 France Wed 26-Jun-13 13:35:40

Yanbu. I'm with you on this one I hate it. My daughter is never naughty but sometimes her behaviour is.

TVTonight Wed 26-Jun-13 13:36:57

No, those things are really fucking horrible.

I personally hate hearing parents say this because (a) kids find so distressing (b) it's a lie and demonstrates that parents will lie/talk shit to their kids (c) where is your integrity?

For me it is a reason to distance myself from someone.

That's horrible. And lazy scaremongering parenting.

FeckOffCup Wed 26-Jun-13 13:37:29

YANBU I remember my mum saying to me at about that age that if I didn't stop bickering with my brother she would toss a coin to see which of us was going to the children's home. I totally believed she meant it at the time and it was like a punch in the gut.

phantomnamechanger Wed 26-Jun-13 13:38:30

Friend is probably repeating the same kind of parenting she had as a child, however, that does not mean it's not very wrong indeed IMO. And yes, when the child is a bit older it gives no meaning to parental punishment and consequence if this obviously is never followed through. While still so young and not really understanding this is in fact just a silly lie, they could well live in fear, and become phobic of policemen and authority figures - who are being shown as the bad guys, when the parent is the bad guy in this case!

TeamEdward Wed 26-Jun-13 13:38:46

Horrid!

Although I have told DS2 that if he doesn't put his seatbelt on a police constable might come and tell Mummy off...

aderynlas Mexico Wed 26-Jun-13 13:39:18

That's a horrible thing to say to a child. Not a good idea to make them afraid of policemen at such a young age either.

1Veryhungrycaterpillar Wed 26-Jun-13 13:39:30

YY to that jacks365, My first DD is v sensitive and if I said I was sending her away she'd be up all night worrying, I'm a bit wussy though so I wasn't sure about this one!

thebody Wed 26-Jun-13 13:40:38

I once had a friend who packed a case while her child was weeping saying she was sending him to the naughty boys home.

We almost had a physical fight over it and quarrelled for life.

It's vile and cruel.

UptoapointLordCopper Wed 26-Jun-13 13:40:48

TeamEdward but that's the truth. Driver responsible for minors wearing seatbelts.

cozietoesie Wed 26-Jun-13 13:42:08

My Mum said that to me more or less when we passed the local 'secure school' - as it was then. I never forgave her.

Doedeer Wed 26-Jun-13 13:42:19

No, it's a horrible thing to say.

It was DM's favourite threat and I believe it has contributed to my feeling of being disposable to everyone. Until DD was born I had the same recurring dream that DH left me and my family disowned me and I genuinely think it was due to DM's attitude towards me.

Now DD is here I barely give 2 shits about anything as long as she's ok.

1Veryhungrycaterpillar Wed 26-Jun-13 13:42:34

That's fair enough though TeamEdward as that is not a lie

1Veryhungrycaterpillar Wed 26-Jun-13 13:43:53

God thebody that's awful, the person that said it seems to pride herself on no nonsense parenting

TeamEdward Wed 26-Jun-13 13:44:12

Scared the bejesus out of him though! Didn't realise what an effect it would have on him.

nenevomito Wed 26-Jun-13 13:45:12

Totally. I always tell mine I'm going to take them back to the hospital. At least they understand what one of those is.

YANBU, I get so annoyed with parents who threaten things that they have no intention of following through. Even when they say things like "if you don't behave I'm going to take you home", but to threaten a child with being sent away is cruel, and to make a child afraid of police is, imo, irresponsible. If my child ever got lost or was in trouble, and for some reason I wasn't there/ couldn't help, I want them to know that they can turn to the police for help, not be afraid that they will be spirited away from me. Some people really are stupid - and i don't say that lightly sad

imnotmymum Wed 26-Jun-13 13:45:52

I do threaten the dog frequently with Battersea dogs home...not the kids though.
I have said the seatbelt thing too ...

Maybe she was worn down to the bone....am sure we all say things ocassionally we don't actually mean.

I once threatened to leave DS is tesco.....I actually meant it at the time but luckily my dad was there as well to talk sense into me smile

Jacksterbear Wed 26-Jun-13 13:52:18

In desperation I once told ds that he had to go to school or the police would come and put mummy in prison. I know now that I couldn't really have said anything worse to a small child whose school refusal was caused by massive anxiety. sad angry <- at self.

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