to wonder if putting our children first is always wise?

(460 Posts)
KatyTheCleaningLady Wed 26-Jun-13 09:37:25

I like to start a discussion I in the morning and then go to work so I have something to pop in on during the day. grin

Ok, the other day I felt guilty because I was physically exhausted and so blew off sports day in order to rest before a busy evening ferrying kids about.

I felt guilty because I felt like it's wrong not to suffer any inconvenience or discomfort for even the most trivial of my children's pleasure. I "should" suck it up and stand around in the cold watching races just so my kids see me there. But, why? How is it really good for an exhausted mother with aching feet to do this? Isn't it better for mum to be rested and happy at tea time?

Obviously, some things are so important that you carry on, regardless. I didn't cancel a client in order to rest: the money is important to the family. And, if the event had been something truly important, then it would be a different matter. I would stand cold and aching if it was truly important to the child's well being.

I see a lot of threads on here from exhausted, miserable mums who are burnt out and resentful about their lives. Is some of that due to prioritising the family over their own well being?

oldraver did you actually realise what you just said?
Are you not very well? Because I cannot imagine why you would say a thing like that tbh.

MrsDeVere Fri 28-Jun-13 21:28:17

What the fuck are you on about?

Are you pissed?

MrsDeVere Fri 28-Jun-13 21:32:28

**They are not fun for me.
Anything that involves being around lots of happy, healthy kids in school uniform is very difficult for me.

Primary was the last place my DD was well. My Dc4 goes to the same school and so will DC5. I managed to swerve it with DC3 and sent him somewhere else (that plan didn't work btw it was still horrible) . He later transferred to special school.

Just sitting in an assembly can be agony, particularly as DS3 is so much like his big sister.

I realise that my situation is fairly unusual but it only one of many reasons why people don't find school things fun.

Some people deserve a medal for going to anything rather than stern looks for missing a few things.****

^^^^^ The above is for the benefit of anyone who didn't see my post and is under the illusion that I have been telling anyone off for having fun because I or they have a dead child.

And for Oldraver so she can have a proper look and then tell me what the FUCK she is on about.

libertine73 Fri 28-Jun-13 21:51:24

oldraver that was a shitty thing to say.

scottishmummy Fri 28-Jun-13 21:57:48

Actually every day lived with bereavement is a what if
And thats what really hurts
The reality of knowing its real

Is everyone OK ?

((( Hugs all round, and goodnight all )))

MrsDeVere Fri 28-Jun-13 22:29:39

I don't know if it was shitty or just fucking weird.

I didn't tell anyone they shouldn't have fun.
I explained why school stuff isn't much fun for me and possibly others.

I have no idea why oldraver has taken such offence to that.

I am not familiar with her. Is she usually that nasty?

I don't know either MrsDeV, but as always your posts came right from the heart of experience and were an education to all. I wondered if she had also lost a child as she said "we" ?

Was remembering Billie again the other day when I saw a beautiful butterfly in the garden x Thinking what a wonderful girl to leave you with that thought thanks You must be very proud of her.

MrsDeVere Fri 28-Jun-13 22:41:26

Thank you juggling

If she has lost a child why would she think I was telling her what she should be thinking or doing? confused

I was talking about myself. That is generally allowed on MN no?

Crap end to a crap day.

Thanks for your butterfly story though smile

Completely inadequate words to try to say something about the wonderful strength and thoughtfulness of your beautiful girl, MrsDeV.

Was so moved to hear your butterfly story from Billie thanks

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