How do I deal with this crazy woman causing trouble with school?(55 Posts)
Our neighbour has a child the same age that is in dds class, I do not really know her well as we have only been here a couple of years and do not really see much of her due to work.
Mum is the playground gossip, has to know everything about everyone and be in the thick of "ohh have you heard about x" , to make it worse she is best friends with the head.
If she hears anything to do with school I or dd says at all she runs to the head with it, dd has had an awful year with bullying and lack of support for her sen. So if dd is in the garden and says anything about S bullying her or the teacher or the fact she has not got star of the week for two years or the prize tub despite being really good in school and trying bloody hard but the clever children only seem to get rewarded the mum goes and tells the head what has been said
If I tell dd off she will come over in the morning in the playground wanting to know why I told her off, I do not mean shouting and screaming at dd which she could be concerned by I mean just basic discipline, for example last week she heard me in the garden telling dd she was going to bed if she carried on being rude as I was sick of her attitude, straight over in the morning to try and find out what was said.
If I do not tell her she will embelish the truth to the head in a "oh I heard blissfully and dd having a right slanging match last night, you should have heard them" (I heard her say it) when no one had even raised their voices and yet I hear her screaming and swearing at her dd and they are often arguing drunk outside the pub on the other side while the child is there.
She actually caused major issue TWICE last year. First dd hurt herself minorly at brownies doing a household type task for a badge and mum heard dd talking about it to her dd and asked me about it so I explained she had done it at brownies and how, the next day I got called into school because she had told the head dd had hurt herself at home because I was making her do the housework and that she had seen dd doing it (complete lie).
To further this she asked dd one day over the fence why her dad did not live with us, dd said because he was naughty. Next thing I am being called in school again as apparently dd has told a teacher that her dad had stabbed a door. I speak to dd thinking she is making things up to look tough to stop the bullying, dd does not know what I am talking about, the teacher she has so called said it to was not even in for three days when she has supposed to have said it. DD has not even been spoken to, none of the procedures for a supposed disclosure have been followed. Head tells me if dds dad (who we have not seen in years and does not know where we live and he knows this) turns up at school he will ask dd to leave his state school.
When the teacher came back in I spoke to her to explain it had not happened and she told me dd had not spoken to her and she knew nothing about it, she checked with the other teachers who also knew nothing about it. I went back to the head but got nowhere, I was later told by a teacher that a parent had said it....
To be honest at the moment dd is hitting puberty and with sen and her lack of understanding it is hard work in addition to the bullying and school issues and I just do not need the added stress of this woman!
Gah this makes me so mad. I hate when other parents come trying to tattle on other parents. We spend all this time teaching children not to tell tales, yet some parents are shocking.
Complain as high as possible regarding the heads behaviour. They are well out of line to be listening to such ridiculous stories from another parent. I'd also be calling your local community policing team and asking them to speak to the nutjob neighbour and tell her to back off. Refuse to speak to her or engage with her, just completely blank her. If she persists, it might be worth getting a solicitor to write a formal letter to her to let her know that her behaviour is out of line, and to cease and desist.
To be honest though, I just couldn't live with that kind of stress in my life. I'd be seriously looking for a new house and new school. Life's too short to deal with that sort of crap.
Good luck OP.
Nothing to add advice wise but wtf is wrong with some people?
Could you get a record from the brownie leaders about the incident & the date it happened, in case they can't remember exactly, when possibly asked in the future
Any other supporting paperwork, texts from mums saying the'll pick their DDs up from your house at x, could be useful in backing up your case
How friendly is the head with the loony? Are they in a relationship? A letter to the CoG stating the two incidents and state v clearly that it is a breach of confidentiality for the head to discuss pupils with other parents.
If you dont get a satisfactory response report the head to the LOcal education authority & then last of all Ofsted. There is a chain of command that you need to go through when making a complaint about a school. Make sure you follow it so that it gets escalated up to the right people. Do yoi have a SEN link worker that you can discuss this with privately?
Having re-read your posts, it does sound like a case of fairly systematic bullying and harassment. Having gone to a small village school I remember this kind of gossipy, in-group/out-group mentality quite well. The parents of kids being bullied at the school seemed to be the biggest targets. But, in no way is what is happening to you normal or acceptable in an educational setting.
Lots of good advice here about how to address it with the authorities. Please do it, for your own sake and DDs. They mustn't be allowed to get away with causing you such stress for no reason. The mention of SS intervention (completely unjustified from what you've said) must be keeping you awake at night.
I wonder if your local CAB could help you work out the best people to write to and in what order, and even perhaps help you with the wording (and/or access to a legal advisor to write it for you if that's a route you wanted to take).
Like another poster, I had thought myself of mentioning in the letter your 'right to a private and family life' set out in the Human Rights Act, and I do feel like this is being infringed upon through the Head's unprofessional and bullying behaviour.
When it comes down to it your neighbour is making things up - or at best badly twisting the truth - and then the Head is acting on it. Wrong on every level.
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