How do I deal with this crazy woman causing trouble with school?

(55 Posts)
blissfullytired Tue 25-Jun-13 10:02:44

Our neighbour has a child the same age that is in dds class, I do not really know her well as we have only been here a couple of years and do not really see much of her due to work.

Mum is the playground gossip, has to know everything about everyone and be in the thick of "ohh have you heard about x" , to make it worse she is best friends with the head.

If she hears anything to do with school I or dd says at all she runs to the head with it, dd has had an awful year with bullying and lack of support for her sen. So if dd is in the garden and says anything about S bullying her or the teacher or the fact she has not got star of the week for two years or the prize tub despite being really good in school and trying bloody hard but the clever children only seem to get rewarded the mum goes and tells the head what has been said hmm

If I tell dd off she will come over in the morning in the playground wanting to know why I told her off, I do not mean shouting and screaming at dd which she could be concerned by I mean just basic discipline, for example last week she heard me in the garden telling dd she was going to bed if she carried on being rude as I was sick of her attitude, straight over in the morning to try and find out what was said.

If I do not tell her she will embelish the truth to the head in a "oh I heard blissfully and dd having a right slanging match last night, you should have heard them" (I heard her say it) when no one had even raised their voices and yet I hear her screaming and swearing at her dd and they are often arguing drunk outside the pub on the other side while the child is there.

She actually caused major issue TWICE last year. First dd hurt herself minorly at brownies doing a household type task for a badge and mum heard dd talking about it to her dd and asked me about it so I explained she had done it at brownies and how, the next day I got called into school because she had told the head dd had hurt herself at home because I was making her do the housework and that she had seen dd doing it (complete lie).

To further this she asked dd one day over the fence why her dad did not live with us, dd said because he was naughty. Next thing I am being called in school again as apparently dd has told a teacher that her dad had stabbed a door. I speak to dd thinking she is making things up to look tough to stop the bullying, dd does not know what I am talking about, the teacher she has so called said it to was not even in for three days when she has supposed to have said it. DD has not even been spoken to, none of the procedures for a supposed disclosure have been followed. Head tells me if dds dad (who we have not seen in years and does not know where we live and he knows this) turns up at school he will ask dd to leave his state school.

When the teacher came back in I spoke to her to explain it had not happened and she told me dd had not spoken to her and she knew nothing about it, she checked with the other teachers who also knew nothing about it. I went back to the head but got nowhere, I was later told by a teacher that a parent had said it....

To be honest at the moment dd is hitting puberty and with sen and her lack of understanding it is hard work in addition to the bullying and school issues and I just do not need the added stress of this woman!

Swap schools.

Picturepuncture Tue 25-Jun-13 10:07:18

Is changing school an option? A school with a proffesional head teacher would solve these issues. Otherwise a letter to the CogG might be in order?

blissfullytired Tue 25-Jun-13 10:07:29

An example of the embellishment in regards to the you will go to bed comment she heard I said to dd she was going to bed if she carried on being rude as I was sick of her attitude.

She said next morning, oh what was up with dd last night, I answered nothing why, she said ohhh I heard you say "if you carry on with the attitude you little shit you will bloody go to bed"....

I had not swore at all.

DioneTheDiabolist Tue 25-Jun-13 10:07:44

Your neighbour is not the problem. She is a busybody and a PITA, but tge problems are coming from the Head. He is behaving in a highly unprofessional manner.

Forget her (or just tell her to butt out) and deal with him.

MillyMollyMandy78 Tue 25-Jun-13 10:10:16

I'm afraid that i have no advice for you, but didn't want to read and run. She sounds absolutely dreadful - I find her behaviour completely shocking! Sure someone wiser will be along soon to help.

Scrubber Tue 25-Jun-13 10:11:15

I'd second talking to the governors. If that doesn't work change schools if you can.

Poor you!

pictish Tue 25-Jun-13 10:13:31

Wow...what a loony!! confused

Um...tell her to mind her own business in no uncertain terms?

blissfullytired Tue 25-Jun-13 10:14:50

Are the CogG the governors?

I am really worried the imaginary knife and household incident will now be one record at dds school sad

She only has a year left of primary and is finally getting the academic help she needs after years of fighting so I am loathed to move her to move again in 12 months.

MsGee Tue 25-Jun-13 10:19:48

I can understand you not wanting to move her at this point but I would refuse to engage with this woman. If she asks anything tell her that as she has twisted things in the past you think its best you don't discuss the kids.

Write to the Governors outlining the two situations above and your concern that a) the Head put you all through unnecessary upset (and lied) based on unfounded gossip from a parent and b) that you are concerned that this gossip is on DD school record.

Picturepuncture Tue 25-Jun-13 10:27:07

Yes, sorry I meant CofG- chair of governors.

Crowler Tue 25-Jun-13 10:29:42

Can I second the letter to the Governors, and may I suggest that you ruthlessly edit your letter to it's bare bones.

Your head teacher is being very unprofessional. I'm shocked that she is openly anything more than acquaintances with any parent at the school. Is this normal? At my kids' school, the head teacher openly discourages any informalities between parents and teachers.

blissfullytired Tue 25-Jun-13 10:30:48

Thanks, I got called in for three things in one week, that my dd had said her dad had stabbed the door, that she had injured herself doing the housework and that she was not allowed to have anyone over at the house or I "went mad" . The time that was said dd had had her out of school friend over for a sleepover the night before and he had played at our house the weekend before that.

blissfullytired Tue 25-Jun-13 10:31:52

Its a small village school, he lives in the village, he has been there a long long time.

MatersMate Tue 25-Jun-13 10:32:04

Wow. Firstly I would tell next door to piss off and mind her own business, also tell dd not to answer any more questions from her dd.

Then go see the head and explain if he/she continues in this unprofessional and frankly staggering manner you are going to the governor's.

Bring out the big guns op, this is ridiculous.

Also, ask for reassurance none of this crap is on your daughters record

burberryqueen Tue 25-Jun-13 10:32:59

what msgee said

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Tue 25-Jun-13 10:34:38

And stop telling DD off in the garden....grow some plants up the fence on a trellis so this woman can't lean over.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

burberryqueen Tue 25-Jun-13 10:38:16

be careful, this could be building up to SS intervention.

As said, stop engaging with her and tell her why.

I would write out the incidences, so you can keep them to the point and factual.

He has behaved in an unprofessional manner and not followed procedure, if what you have put is true (the leaving the school bit).

It doesn't matter how big a village you live in, or how long he has been there. He has strict guidelines to follow and if you were under the threat of DV, he should be directing support to you.

MrsDeVere Tue 25-Jun-13 10:42:26

I would keep a very careful log of this information.
I would also (but I am possibly older and gobbier than you) confront the woman.

Not in an aggressive way but be very clear that you know what she has been doing.

'I am aware that you have said things about me and DD that are untrue. Because of this both the school and I have had to waste a great deal of time clearing things up. I have made a note of the things you have said and done so far. If you continue I will be forced to take things further'

blissfullytired Tue 25-Jun-13 10:42:32

Thats what I am worried about burberry to be honest sad

somanystripes Tue 25-Jun-13 10:43:06

The professionalism of the Head is staggering. I am also shocked that you were called in as you supposedly don't let dd have friends over - whether or not it's true (which it's clearly not) what business is it of the school what you do socially in your home? My mum wasn't keen on friends over when I was a kid (I suspect OCD tidiness issues at the root of it!) but we played out and went to the houses of others. No problem.

I support all of those that say to write to the Governors and set out your concerns about how this is being dealt with and the affect on you and DD. Do speak - politely and assertively - to the Head first, however, about the reliance on hearsay and half-truths in regard to your DD and let him/her know you are writing to the Governors or he/she could legitimately challenge you on why you didn't raise it directly.

It does sound like a perpetuation of the bullying behaviour by your neighbour and the Head, to be honest. I really feel for you. Just awful.

somanystripes Tue 25-Jun-13 10:43:36

The unprofessionalism is staggering - sorry, autocorrect!

burberryqueen Tue 25-Jun-13 10:44:14

yes well it could be.....as mrsdevere suggested, keep a log and be assertive!

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