AIBU to think Nigella has no right to feel frustrated?

(232 Posts)
GiveMumABreak Sun 23-Jun-13 21:25:01

'Nigella feels frustrated that the whole world has an opinion about something she feels is a private situation.'

'Nigella feels her hand has been forced.'

'Nigella told friends she wants to rebuild her troubled relationship with millionaire art collector Mr Saatchi and insisted: 'I am not some sort of battered wife.'

AIBU to think: She is a celebrity chef (and role model)who had her photo taken in a public place. We are shocked and concerned - not just nosey, or should the whole world just mind their own business (as she would clearly prefer)?

article here

squeakytoy Sun 23-Jun-13 21:59:23

I am not the strange one here Iris...

RetroRita Sun 23-Jun-13 21:59:52

No Squeaky, you are most definitely not

Pagwatch Sun 23-Jun-13 21:59:57

Peculiar ion is speculation.
I am too irritated to proof read.

WorraLiberty Sun 23-Jun-13 22:00:48

It's better for her that it's out worraliberty. Would it be better that nothing happened to challenge her thinking? let another year slide by.

In your opinion Iris but clearly not Nigella's?

CoalDustWoman Sun 23-Jun-13 22:02:12

Hang on. He has accepted a caution. I think that it is safe to say that there was something going on that wasn't just made up from a few random photos.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sun 23-Jun-13 22:02:45

Squeaky, you are one seriously strange person if you think that those photos prove nothing.
over and out now.

Who are you to call anybody strange, Iris? I think you're pretty rude actually suggesting that Squeaky is Charles Saatchi's sister because she doesn't agree with you. I don't either. Lots of people don't.

Worra was spot on (as usual) about 'guilllotine knitters'. Nobody - celeb or not - has to behave in any way that YOU feel is appropriate. I truly hope that if you ever find yourself in situations where certain behaviours are 'expected' that you remember the standards you expect of others and hold yourself up to those, regardless of your individual need for privacy to deal with personal matters. hmm

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sun 23-Jun-13 22:04:36

Coal... Perhaps he accepted the caution so that the pressure was taken off his wife? I don't know how it works but the only people who KNOW are his wife and himself.

What is there to be served by speculating anything more?

OMG Nigella is not behaving in the manner you think she should, she hasn't the right to feel the way she does and your calling Saatchi controlling.

RetroRita Sun 23-Jun-13 22:06:30

Coal - what if we all assume that its 'safe to say' nothing because we are not actually involved with any of it and agree it would be better to leave her alone.

WorraLiberty Sun 23-Jun-13 22:08:44

I tell you what Iris, if it was possible to get the names and addresses of all the posters on the relationship board, who suffer from domestic violence...then hang about taking photos of their abuse/possible abuse...

Would you do it? And then would you plaster those pics all over their Facebook pages...so all their family, friends and work colleagues could see it?

By your own reckoning, 'It's better that it's out'.

What you've spectacularly failed to consider, is that person's mental state and whether or not they're strong enough to deal with all the publicity happening overnight.

If you'd happily do the above and think it would do the abused person some good, then I'm totally speechless.

If you wouldn't, then why is it OK for Nigella to have it sprung upon her?

CoalDustWoman Sun 23-Jun-13 22:10:27

I'm not speculating. He really did accept the caution. He said he assaulted her and I take that at face value. Anything else would be speculation.

FreudiansSlipper Sun 23-Jun-13 22:14:01

Nigella has the right to own her feelings

What others think will not change anything. Although if these pictures had never come out she would probably still be with him, this may force her to look at her relationship I just hope she can make changes in how she feels about herself it takes time and she should be left alone to do this.

And odd choice of Billie Holidays song she was a woman who went from childhood abuse/abandonment to abusive relationships sadly if she had others around her that really did care abuout her business she probably would have been a happier woman

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sun 23-Jun-13 22:15:28

yy Worra, everything you said in your last post. Some people are just hellish. Thank goodness there's some kind of balance to their never-ending badgering and criticising of those with differing and less tabloid-obsessed views.

BasilBabyEater Sun 23-Jun-13 22:17:53

Those of you who say it's a private matter, you do realise you are engaging in abuse apology, don't you? It is not a private matter. Domestic violence is a crime and when you commit a crime, it is the business of the state - the police, the courts, possibly the social services depending on how rich you are (is it too cynical of me to think that SS might have paid a visit by now if they'd had less money and status?).

To say it's a private matter, is the updated version of urging us to ignore what goes on behind closed doors. To say that we don't know what happened, is to ignore the fact that actually, guess what, we do know what happened - Charles Saatchi committed a criminal offence to which he admitted guilt. That is what accepting a caution means: it means you admit you are guilty.

I cannot understand how so many people insist that we can't possibly know what happened, when the perpetrator of this assault himself has, by accepting a caution, told us exactly what happened. Rich men do not accept a criminal record unless they really feel they have no choice. This is a man with access to the best lawyers in the world; does anyone really think he would have admitted guilt if he'd thought that any jury in the country would have agreed with him that an assault on his wife was just a playful tiff?

But OP I think you are being unreasonable: she is entitled to her feelings.

MalcolmTuckersMum Sun 23-Jun-13 22:19:10

Hear bloody hear Worra to everything but especially your last post. Has Iris gone somewhat quiet in the face of pretty much every single person on the planet thinking she's talking shite?

WorraLiberty Sun 23-Jun-13 22:19:32

Lying I think some people buy into the 'celebrity' status thing and forget that behind the job they've chosen to do, is a real person.

A real person who eats, sleeps and shits the same as everyone else.

I think in Nigella's case, it's possible that all the publicity and pressure she now feels, may be making her feel a hell of a lot worse.

I bet she just wishes she could disappear from planet earth for a couple of weeks, to sort her head out.

WorraLiberty Sun 23-Jun-13 22:20:52

I have no idea MTM grin

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sun 23-Jun-13 22:20:54

Freudian... It might or it might not. She may be of the view that she will not do what many people are 'demanding' that she do. I would probably take that stance myself. She's been thrust into this and is now being judged by media. That's pretty disgusting. She's a human being who has the right to determine her own path, with dignity, and without interference and speculation from a salivating public.

Why can't people back off and leave her to come to terms with her own personal turmoil and subsequent decision(s) without feeling judged purely by dint of being in the public eye. Terribly unfair and it says so much about the 'race to the bottom' culture we seem to be electing to adopt. When did standards in this country drop so far? Makes me really ashamed.

BasilBabyEater Sun 23-Jun-13 22:22:35

And here we all are discussing Nigella's thoughts, feelings, actions, and not the feelings of the violent bastard she's married to.

How about we focus on Strangler Saatchi's feelings? How about we examine his behaviour and views in forensic detail?

Let's leave Nigella alone and put the spotlight where it should be - on the perpetrator of Domestic Abuse, not the victim. She is not accountable for her actions, feelings or behaviour - she is not the perpetrator. He is.

Good night.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sun 23-Jun-13 22:23:13

Basil... I disagree with EVERY word you have written. Kindly do not call people 'apologists' because they don't have an agenda but may have a view that differs from yours. It's insulting.

TSSDNCOP Sun 23-Jun-13 22:25:09

On R2 this morning, Richard Madely and a woman were discussing the papers.

Apparently, that Milliband man is in a paper saying that he would have intervened in a Lawson/Saatchi style situation.

Madely and woman, discussed how it wasn't a subject that Milliband needed to wade in on.

Then discussed what they would have done.

If Nigella's frustrated, I can kind of see why.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sun 23-Jun-13 22:25:12

MTM... Switched to lurking, I guess. That's the standard response. Squeaky was quite rounded on, most unfairly.

Justfornowitwilldo Sun 23-Jun-13 22:25:20

It's not a private matter. It's a crime.

I totally understand that she feels it is embarrassing and frustrating. A lot of people put up with all sorts of stuff in relationships that you'd never guess. They don't want other people to know about it. We all have pride.

CambridgeBlue Sun 23-Jun-13 22:26:29

I think all the press attention and online speculation are making what appears to be a bad situation even worse. She needs to make her own decisions in her own time, she doesn't owe the general public anything just because they've bought her books or watched her on TV - she hasn't set herself up as a role model and I doubt she relishes the idea of being a poster girl for DV victims.

Quite a few things depress me about modern life and this sort of bandwagon jumping (by everyone from Joe Bloggs to politicians) is high up the list. It's nobody's business but the people involved so leave the poor woman alone for God sake instead of gossiping, speculating, surmising and judging someone else's life (by which I don't specifically mean you OP, just people in general).

WorraLiberty Sun 23-Jun-13 22:26:34

Basil there's a huge difference between domestic violence being a crime and the business of the Police, courts, SS etc

And having your personal life and relationship roller coastered into the media.

If your personal life was the subject of millions of internet threads and Tweets right now, I'm quite sure you'd want some privacy too...regardless of whether a crime has been committed.

If understanding that someone wants some privacy at such a traumatic time in their life makes me an 'apologist'...then so be it.

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