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to not want hear about my parents' sex life?

(41 Posts)
snooter Sun 23-Jun-13 13:41:22

My Dad died last year after a long illness. Mum has always tried to be a bit overly involved in my personal life but I've learnt to deal with that. Recently she's been telling me lots of personal details about their personal life, about how he was always very physical & it was a shame that he became impotent after surgery (some wives would have looked elsewhere, but not me), how he always made sure she came first (not like some men) & how they'd had to become creative after the onset of the impotence (well penetration isn't the only thing you can do). hmm She made the odd comment while he was alive but it's become much more frequent. She also keeps mentioning how she doesn't want another sexual relationship. That's fine Mum. You're only 76 so there's time yet. hmm

I really really don't want to hear about it. She is the sort of person who would be huffy & offended if I told her I found it distasteful so I just sort of grunt & change the subject. I am not a prude. Part of my work involves discussing sexual matters & I've probably had more & wilder sex than she's had hot dinners (although she did once mention a pair of crotchless knickers, but this was some years ago) but I really could be doing without it! Poor old Dad would be horrified if he knew.

squoosh Sun 23-Jun-13 19:48:32

I'm thrilled for all the oldies who still have fun and active sex lives, I hope to follow suit.

But the idea of my Mum discussing her and my father's sex life would make me want to fill my ears with wet cement.

MissStrawberry Sun 23-Jun-13 19:49:23

Again, SueDoku, it isn't about older people having sex! It is about inappropriately talking about it and as that is a new thing it could mean there is a mental/emotional health issue.

snooter Sun 23-Jun-13 19:55:52

I don't for a moment think my mum is dementing & I don't think it's anything to do with the fact I sometimes discuss sexual matters at work. I think she forgets I'm her daughter & sees me as her best friend which although flattering isn't ideal.

FourEyesGood Sun 23-Jun-13 21:24:39

When I was about 20, my mum told me, "I don't want to think about you doing it, and I'm sure you don't want to think about me doing it, so let's not, shall we?" grin I intend to say exactly the same thing to my DCs when they're that age.

mamapants Sun 23-Jun-13 22:53:13

She's 76, does she have friends to talk about these things with? She might well have a lot of emotions to deal with following her bereavement. She wants to talk to someone it seems mean to me to ignore her.

snooter Sun 23-Jun-13 23:06:48

Believe me it's not possible to ignore her. I just try not to engage in the sexy stuff.

SirChenjin Sun 23-Jun-13 23:14:04

My MIL is like this - she has no brakes on her thought-speech process whatsoever. 'D'H (he's pissing me off tonight) and SIL laugh at it, but actually, it's not funny and shows a complete lack of consideration for other people imo. I've have to listen to a long story (on a packed train, ffs) about her vaginal polyp and what it did to their sex life, she kindly shared her stories about clmaxing in her sleep with my poor DM, and she regularly 'regales' us all with tales of DPIL (who is now dead, but used to be mortified) and her sex life.

Why?? Why would anyone think that other people are remotely interested in their sex lives????

Veryunsure Sun 23-Jun-13 23:52:23

I told my mum, 'I will never be old enough to have this type of conversation with you' she laughed but it worked!

NotYoMomma Sun 23-Jun-13 23:55:44

I like to think the real reason I am adopted is because my parents have never had sex nods

True story yo

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Mon 24-Jun-13 00:00:18

Am I the onnly one who thinks a thread titled 'AIBU to WANT to hear about my parents sex life' would terrify everyone?

Because that's how I first read this and my heart skipped a beat blush

cumfy Mon 24-Jun-13 01:06:01

Sounds like she's in pretty good form given all the circs.

Small mercies ?

I don't think it's mean to ignore your mother talking about her sex life, regardless what age she is. If she was lonely, I would be quite happy to help her to find people to socialise with (and who might want to listen to that), but I absolutely wouldn't listen to it myself.

I don't talk to my mother (or MIL) about my sex life, and they don't talk to me about theirs. That is how it is, and how it always will be. Similarly, I will never talk to my children about my sex life.

KhaosandKalamity Mon 24-Jun-13 09:39:38

I like Veryunsures response, you have to be direct but use humor to soften the blow. It's great to be friends and talk about stuff with your mum, just sometimes they need to be reminded of the boundaries. I'm lucky enough to have walked in on both my mother, and step-mother, so there is enough awkwardness for these things to be avoided in conversation.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Mon 24-Jun-13 10:31:02

I think she's trying to keep the memory of your Dad alive, OP. I would cringe too, I don't talk to anybody about my sex life EVER. I'd cut my own tongue out before I'd share it with one of my kids.

I really wonder if she's feeling normal sexual feelings returning after grief and is tryng to supress those by bringing to the forefront her sex life with her husband, making it still seem 'real', almost?

If she never used to talk specifically about their sexlife then that could be what's changed. She's missing your Dad.

Can I suggest discreet earplugs and a practised, sympathetic but nondescript face?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Mon 24-Jun-13 10:31:45

Emphatically NO, SpecialAgent, you are NOT the only one! shock

2rebecca Mon 24-Jun-13 10:39:46

I would be telling her in a humorous but emphatic way that i don't want to hear this. If she chooses to get huffy about it rather than accept that most people don't want the details of their parents' sex life then that's up to her.
What's so bad about someone getting huffy if they're pulled up for behaving unreasonably anyway?
One huffy fit is worth years of sexual exploits in detail.
You could add that if she wants to discuss her sex life she tell a friend, a counsellor but please not you.

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