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to not want hear about my parents' sex life?

(41 Posts)
snooter Sun 23-Jun-13 13:41:22

My Dad died last year after a long illness. Mum has always tried to be a bit overly involved in my personal life but I've learnt to deal with that. Recently she's been telling me lots of personal details about their personal life, about how he was always very physical & it was a shame that he became impotent after surgery (some wives would have looked elsewhere, but not me), how he always made sure she came first (not like some men) & how they'd had to become creative after the onset of the impotence (well penetration isn't the only thing you can do). hmm She made the odd comment while he was alive but it's become much more frequent. She also keeps mentioning how she doesn't want another sexual relationship. That's fine Mum. You're only 76 so there's time yet. hmm

I really really don't want to hear about it. She is the sort of person who would be huffy & offended if I told her I found it distasteful so I just sort of grunt & change the subject. I am not a prude. Part of my work involves discussing sexual matters & I've probably had more & wilder sex than she's had hot dinners (although she did once mention a pair of crotchless knickers, but this was some years ago) but I really could be doing without it! Poor old Dad would be horrified if he knew.

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 23-Jun-13 13:46:16

I think you may just have to bite the bullet,say it and let her be huffy to be honest.

A friend of mine had a similar issue with her mum,granted in her case her mum isn't yet 50. In the end she just had to say that whilst she loved that they were close,she was still her child and felt that there were some things parents and children didn't need to discuss. Like the gory details of each others sex lives.

Icelollycraving Sun 23-Jun-13 13:52:17

My mum talks about sex,which are not really what either of my sisters or I want to know.
It always freaks dh out when she starts saying something a bit suggestive. The best was on holiday,she had her sunglasses on over her glasses & peered at him. He had on baggy shorts & a t shirt 'come on,take it off,let's see what you've got!' He didn't remove anything & didn't even go for a swim hahaha grin
Just don't listen,maybe she thinks if you discuss sexual relationships for your job,she can discuss it on a different level than the usual mother/daughter chat. You could always say what I do which is 'yuck,stop it,you are grossing me out lalalala'

diddl Germany Sun 23-Jun-13 13:53:46

I would have stopped her way before she divulged what she did tbh.

I know that my parents had sex.

That's more than enough knowledge imo!

snooter Sun 23-Jun-13 13:54:46

My mum can't easily be stopped. My husband & I used to refer to her as "the velvet steamroller"

I have no experience as my mum only had sex 7 times. I also have a filter that ignores my mum using the word sex or anything related. It still doesn't stop her

diddl Germany Sun 23-Jun-13 13:56:18

Walk away?

Tell them to shut up or go home?

JazzDalek Sun 23-Jun-13 13:57:08

My dad does this blush

He and my mum split up years ago and he remarried. Now whenever he comes over I get treated to a blow-by-blow account of what went wrong in their previously good sex life and how much better it is now with new wife.

I just tune out and run through my shopping list in my head blush

My mum has had sex five times and purely to try and get children (and in jealous that she barely had to try...) or s she says. She moans about it if I even discuss chikdren. 'Yes, DSis' dad wanted to try xxxxxx' <I vomit> 'but I thought NO, what with my back, after having y it was ruined you see, so I suggested xxxxxx' <I vomit> 'but then we wondered whether we could do it right, so we eventually did xxxxx' <leaves room heaving> 'and THAT was how your little sister was born.'

Way too much detail, mum.

michtaylor Sun 23-Jun-13 17:18:47

If part of your work involves discussing sexual matters, then you Mum probably thinks that it's ok to talk to you about sex?

Cut her some slack. She doesn't have your Dad to talk to anymore. Even mothers over 50 have desires and feelings.

You all sound like teenagers TBH.

MrsHuxtable Sun 23-Jun-13 17:37:36

Dementia?

carabos Sun 23-Jun-13 17:47:03

mrshuxtable may be right. My MiL has recently been diagnosed with dementia at the age of 76 (we have suspected it for years).

One of her symptoms is a degree of disinhibition - amongst other things, she talks inappropriately about sex. I know way more than I want to about FiL's impotence in the months before his death, how they tried Viagra, sex toys you name it. She bought me a nail varnish in a colour called "climax" <boak> and went on and on about it in a nudge nudge wink wink sort of way all through Xmas lunch.

I am a bit prim and proper, and find that sort of thing uncomfortable. It was much worse coming from MiL, even though I realised that she wasn't really herself.

whois Sun 23-Jun-13 17:47:44

Way too much TMI

diddl Germany Sun 23-Jun-13 17:50:34

The only person I discuss my sex life with is the person sharing it!

If that makes me a teenager, so be it!

(Never discussed sex life when I was a teenager either, though...)

Jenny70 Sun 23-Jun-13 17:50:55

My mother is like this too, but Dad is alive & so it is "current"... ewwww. So don't need to know!

Namechangingnorma Sun 23-Jun-13 18:00:32

I have this issue with my grandma. she pulled at my grandad's funeral. she is on her 5th partner since he died and I had to hear about the sexy underwear one of her boyfriend s bought her for Xmas. I just let it go over my head. at least I didn't have to witness one of her boyfriends sticking their hand up her skirt like my mum and aunty did ..she is 86. the best way to handle really is to tune out

AnAirOfHope Sun 23-Jun-13 18:04:35

I was thinking dementia as well tbh

Passthesaltdear Sun 23-Jun-13 18:08:35

I have experience of this and it was onset of dementia hmm

SueDoku Sun 23-Jun-13 18:55:34

Although I don't doubt the people saying that this could be the start of dementia, I do (as one who is rapidly heading for the OP's Mum's age) find it a bit insulting that this should be the 'go-to' diagnosis - some of us oldies do like sex and do have a sex life you know.....and we are entitled to miss it when it vanishes - for whatever reason. smile

At least you know they had a happy sex life. I've had listen to my mum telling me about my dad raping her and forcing her to have anal sex sad

MissStrawberry Sun 23-Jun-13 19:06:26

SueDoku - no one is dismissing a person of any age over 50 can still be having sex, the issue is the OP does not want to hear all about it!

SueDoku Sun 23-Jun-13 19:23:18

I can understand that MissStrawberry - it was the fact that several posters immediately suggested that the OP's Mum might be developing dementia that was a bit disconcerting hmm

I think people are suggesting dementia because it seems to have been a recent thing. I'd think it was very odd if MIL started telling me about her sex life.

And, yes, older people are entitled to have sex lives etc, but they don't need to share the details with their children and grandchildren.

shazbean Sun 23-Jun-13 19:43:58

I was going to say at least it's not your Gran, but I think norma covered that one.
I hope I'm still going at that age though I will try not to broadcast it grin

carabos Sun 23-Jun-13 19:46:58

SueDoku I am 50 wink.

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