To not want a career? (Serious)

(441 Posts)
MustWakeUp Sun 23-Jun-13 11:32:46

Hi all,

I know it's not a very pc thing to say these days and my parents who are oxbridge educated high achievers are baffled by my 'low ambitions' (anything that isn't law/med/finance = low ambitions and future of mediocrity to them). I understand that this isn't the opinion of most women, but this is just how I feel.

I've never had this burning ambition to be a career woman - I finished my A levels last summer and got 4 A*'s in maths, further maths, physics & art so it's not that I'm not academic. I loved school and I love learning but I just don't want a career. When we had careers advisors come into our school from about yr 9-yr 13 they would tell me about all the different things I could work as for e.g. accountant, actuary, physicist, economist and so on, but the problem was they all just sounded dead boring. I have shadowed plenty of my parents friends in all sorts of science-y and numerate jobs and I honestly don't know how they do it. It is just not suited to me at all.

My parents are only concerned with £££ and prestige. I'm a good painter & I write poetry and I've sold a few of my paintings and had some of my poems published and now my parents (mum especially) are pushing me to do more & more & more, they are turning something I enjoy and find relaxing into a money generating passionless thing.

What I would love to do with my life more than anything is travel the world doing odd jobs the way I'm doing now and then settle down at 25ish & have my own family & be a SAHM but still continue with my painting and poetry. <bliss>

Since finishing my A-levels I've been doing that (sort of) - I temp for a 2-3 months and sell a few paintings, then I travel for as long as my money will last, when I run out of cash I come back for another 2-3 months and temp and paint again...I have seen the most beautiful sights and met the most fascinating and oddest people during this last year and I love my life the way it is now....I am free to go where I please and do what I want, I have no one to answer to at all! I wake up everyday feeling so happy and chill. But the trouble is my parents see me as squandering my 'potential' and have now recruited my aunts, uncles, ex-form tutors even my preacher!!!! to talk some 'sense' into me and to tell me that I need to apply for university and stop living 'like a dirty hippie' hmm and I'm beginning to have doubts myself.....(not about uni, would love to be in higher education someday - but university will always be there!)

so tell me MN, is it BU for some people to just not be interested in the rat race and the corporate world and careers in general? I mean surely, some people just want different things?

MustWakeUp Sun 23-Jun-13 12:44:18

noddyholder thanks

noddyholder Sun 23-Jun-13 12:44:30

Mustwake do what feels right. My mother sacrificed her relationship with her children and put work first and she is now old with the most miserable life We are not all the same. I actually know one man who has done this too He just wanted kids and to stay at home and no one looks down on him His wife is a high flyer and she loves the workplace and supports him

scottishmummy Sun 23-Jun-13 12:45:54

yes you have actually been v clear your 6figure dp,and housewife is a choice for you
you've been clear you've observed this as ok in your circle and don't want rat race
you've not elaborated much on do qualities other than ability to earn well and keep you.

noddyholder Sun 23-Jun-13 12:46:47

I am financially independent totally it doesn't necessarily compute that you can't be.I agree the workplace is over rated Most people kill themselves for years and miss out on life.

chocoluvva Sun 23-Jun-13 12:46:50

There's nothing wrong with not wanting a career. Of course not. I feel that western society is too focused on defining yourself by what you do, ie for your work.

We can't have it all (usually) - if you don't mind not having a good, independent income that's fine. Equally, if having plenty of money (for whatever reason) is very important to you then you have to accept that you'll have to give up other things - time usually and often the freedom of choosing to live close to your family. People who complain about having too little leisure time, or not having the time to spend with their children - even though they have a lot of disposable income - irritate me.

My DD is musically gifted. She hopes to make enough to support herself from it, but also thinks she's like to be a SAHM when the time comes. She's only 16!

Takingbackmonday Sun 23-Jun-13 12:50:47

Nothing wrong with your plans OP.

I do similar plus postgrad courses; am 25 now and perfectly happy

OneHandFlapping Sun 23-Jun-13 12:51:40

It's not exactly a relationship of equals between you and your DP is it? He works 60 - 80 hours a week while you swan around.

He pays for everything, while you do what?

I would worry about the attitudes of man who finds that acceptable in a partner. Be careful he doesn't think he has bought you.

pinkyredrose Sun 23-Jun-13 12:52:36

Way to drip feed OP.

Loa Sun 23-Jun-13 12:56:52

Well as long as love comes into the marriage at least somewhere and your not just exploiting your guy as a convenient meal ticket and your both happy and you treat each other well - what everyone else wants for you is irrelevant.

You can study with OU and small DC - I've done it though obviously you have to pay - I had savings from working and the DC do take up the bulk of the time. You can also start careers later if you change your mind or find an area your are passionate about.

However if you guy loses his job or change his mind about working or leaves you in the future you'll be very vulnerable - mind you unhappy situations happen if you wait start a career and then become a SAHM.

MustWakeUp Sun 23-Jun-13 12:57:30

OneHandFlapping He doesn't think he has bought me! He is the son of one of my father's oldest friends & I have known him since birth. He is so gentle and kind and generous, I really am very fortunate that he is in my life.

MustWakeUp Sun 23-Jun-13 13:00:44

Loa I love him very much. He complements me perfectly i.e. I tend to be scatter brained, indecisive and flighty but he is very strong minded, dependable, solid and when he decides something, that is it no wishy washy bs with him.

rainrainandmorerain Sun 23-Jun-13 13:03:30

I think from what the OP says, her family and husband to be are so well off that she will never need to earn more than 'pin money'. Most advice on this thread is good but aimed at people who are not in that position. (What does trebling a 3 figure income actually mean? Is the potential husband going to be earning half a million a year by the time he's 25? Heavens).

FWIW, I have met a couple of 'princesses' who have been/will always be looked after very well financially - they both had artistic 'hobby' activities (interior design/painting) were very 'boho/yummy' and fwiw, seemed very happy. That said, they seemed to have a certain duty to host and entertain husband's friends with dinners and so forth - so it might be worth keeping that in mind.

I think OP you are in a very privileged position, and I don't think it will be worth your while getting 'approval' for your choices here - I just don't think anyone is in your position. Maybe I'm wrong and MN is heaving with trustafarians!

thebitchdoctor Sun 23-Jun-13 13:03:31

Here OP have my very first biscuit

scottishmummy Sun 23-Jun-13 13:04:25

aren't you troubled that your whole hoped for lifestyle is dependent upon a well earning man
what's your part in all this?what will you contribute or do you just take and spend
it's unequal,and somewhat old fashioned In outlook.housewife in Home Counties?

noddyholder Sun 23-Jun-13 13:04:53

Why do you have to define yourself in relation to your partners earnings. SO we must all work equal hours etc just so we don't feel bought? What nonsense. Some people love working long hours and pressure etc some don't. He doesn't sound like the OP has sent him down pit to provide her a certain lifestyle. My advice is make yourself financially self sufficient never rely on a man for money and do your own thing. If he is feeling the pressure to work these hours to pay for your lifestyle more fool him.

IrisScentedCandle Sun 23-Jun-13 13:06:29

I don't either. I want money obviously. But I would prefer to have just enough than to turn myself inside out just to have more money. I want to take it easy even if that measn having less money.

scottishmummy Sun 23-Jun-13 13:07:02

if he were skint,and decided 6figure rat race job not for him would you still feel same?
if he remains same character but considerably poorer will you remain his dp

IrisScentedCandle Sun 23-Jun-13 13:08:09

ps, I am single so I can say this. It seems like you can't OP, because you're married?? confused Why would everybody want a career? Mind you, I don't have the lifestyle! but I am ok with that.

GetStuffezd Sun 23-Jun-13 13:10:11

I'm going to speak plainly here as this has bloody irritated me.
It would be the most stupid and short sighted thing you cold possibly do to not equip yourself with some work skills. Your relationship sounds lovely, yes, naice boy from naice family, etc etc. but just cast your eye over the Relatioships board, OP, and count up the threads by women who married in good faith, only for their husband to have an affair, leave out of the blue, etc. And then take a look at the number of women trying to find work!

You DO NOT KNOW what is round the corner and if you have no means of supporting yourself when things go wrong in life, you're fucked. I might not have the lovely man and stunning home, etc. But I've worked hard for a bloody good job which means I will never need to rely on anyone else.
Just think about your future. Bite the bullet and do some career research. You love all things creative and are obviously academically bright. Why not teach? You might not want to do it forever, but you've GOT THE OPTION!

I don't understand the attitude of expecting someone else to provide. I can see how and why it happens in some circumstances when people are already down the line of having a family and it's the best thing in those circumstances. But I came from a priviledged background with parents who would, if circumstances made it necessary, financially support me for life. But they brought me up to assume I would, on the whole, provide for myself, and I do.

kerstina Sun 23-Jun-13 13:11:14

Take no notice of some of the bitchy replies on this thread. It sounds like when the time comes you will make a wonderful stay at home mom as it will be no sacrifice for you. If your DP works long hours you can support him but in a different way by always being around for the children etc.
I worked full time up until having DS and part time after but have never been particularly ambitious and enjoy pottering rather than a high pressure job. We are all different and good job not everybody is like you and I as there would be no functioning society as we know it !

MustWakeUp Sun 23-Jun-13 13:13:16

theBitchdoctor what does the biscuit mean?

rainrain I don't mind hosting and entertaining, it is a lot of fun as I enjoy planning things.

scottishmummy what IS your problem? Is contribution only financial then?

bragmatic Sun 23-Jun-13 13:14:11

I say, what a stroke of good luck that you fell in love with a high earner. Imagine it if you'd fallen in love with a fellow painting/poetry writer/traveller. Now that would be a bitch.

Noddy, you do realise there is a gaping chasm between sacrificing your children for your career, and, well, not.

MustWakeUp Sun 23-Jun-13 13:16:13

Bragmatic it wouldn't have been a bitch as hunger is a powerful motivator

scottishmummy Sun 23-Jun-13 13:17:01

I have no problem,you do seem intemperate when challenged on aspects of princess world
if you're resolute why are you so touchy?depending upon someone else is risky
it's an old fashioned outlook to desire to be housewife to prosperous an

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