To think my birthday could be about me?

(64 Posts)
phantomhairpuller Sat 22-Jun-13 19:22:02

Ok so it's not a milestone birthday or anything but still!

DH and FIL went to the pub this morning to watch tho lions game. MIL stayed with me to help get things sorted for the family do which was taking place this afternoon.

Picked up the men folk at 1.30 and they were both fairly well oiled. They continued drinking when they got back to our house. My family descended at around 3pm and FIL immediately started with comments about how the English players were better then the welsh players during the game (it doesn't matter that they were all playing for the same team on this occasion!) he was trying to get a reaction from my (welsh) grandfather. It worked, my 79yr old grandfather walked away from the 'conversation' saying he couldn't be bothered with it- fair enough IMO.

To cut a long story short, you could cut the atmosphere with a knife and consequently my family left after 2hrs. DH passed out drunk and then MIL and FIL left without barely saying a word.

So on my bday, I've done all the clearing up and looked after a toddler and a newborn, basically on my own.

AIBU to be a bit pissed off or do I need a good slap and to get over myself?

Would love a wine now but am bf-ing hmm

So what is his explanation for being a cunt? I don't think it's good enough to just say 'I was a cunt' and expect you to say 'ok no problem as long as you know'
Why did he treat you like that?

Flobbadobs Tue 25-Jun-13 19:12:18

You are way too kind. My DH would have had a choice of arseholes to use if he behaved like this.
I bet his Mum has had a go at him.

OctopusPete8 Tue 25-Jun-13 18:22:53

I'd say something, I'd be pissed off.

I'd be subsequently waking DP up and going for a lie down.

grumpyinthemorning Tue 25-Jun-13 18:19:20

McGee, giant cockroaches? grin

What a twat. If he does it again, tell him to bugger off til he feels like behaving like an adult. You don't have to put up with this.

Sorry about your birthday. Come down to the pub, I'll treat you to a drink or ten grin

ApocalypseThen Tue 25-Jun-13 07:07:48

I just can't come to terms with the idea that he got drunk enough to pass out in a house where there are children. That should never happen.

Blimey what a s* birthday op, poor you, your dh & your fil acted like selfish childlike morons. Celebrate your birthday today or tomorrow, leave dh with baby & get booked into a lovely spa or go out with friends.
Don't give him an option just gogrin

McGeeDiNozzo Tue 25-Jun-13 06:27:58

I'm glad he's apologised - especially since you have been very accommodating, to be frank. If I went to the pub and got pissed watching sport on my DW's birthday I'd be rent limb from limb by specially-commissioned giant cockroaches. And rightly so.

ICantRememberWhatSheSaid Mon 24-Jun-13 23:11:01

Oh dear, that is a sorry tale. [Sad]. I am glad he has seen some sense and apologised. Maybe you can have a proper chat with him later in the week.
Hope things go ok.

GetStuffezd Mon 24-Jun-13 22:52:47

Ah well, alls well that ends well. Until next time. And the next. And the next.
Please please please ask him what prompted this horrible treatment rather than just feeling relief that your punishment is over. I'm shit at wording things, but this is wrong!

quietbatperson Mon 24-Jun-13 21:01:59

Do you think he was worried about the hospital appointment?

I would be concerned about the snapping out of it after getting you to dance to his tune for 2 days tbh. I would have sent DH to his mother's on the Sunday until he grew up and behaved like an adult I want to spend time with.

phantomhairpuller Mon 24-Jun-13 20:10:40

And just like that, he's snapped out of it. Came home, apologised for everything. Admitted he'd been a c**t (his words not mine), cooked tea and is generally doing everything he can to keep me sweet.

He did see his mother earlier so am wondering if she is behind his sudden change of heart.

The jury is still out on this one

diddl Mon 24-Jun-13 13:27:50

So, you've got a toddler & a newborn & you organised your own party-with MIL-whilst the "men folk" went drinking?

Jeez-where to even start with that??

BitOutOfPractice Mon 24-Jun-13 13:19:30

What GetStuffed said. I feel really angry with your arse of a husband angry

GetStuffezd Mon 24-Jun-13 13:15:44

Oh bloody hell. As soon as he's vile again you need to be firm and say you're NOT putting up with this disrespectful behaviour. You've done NOTHING wrong and this is not how husbands treat their wives. You want an explanation now or he can get out until he's grown up enough to do so.

Honestly. Say that. Why the actual FUCK should you be apologising when you've done nothing wrong? And you sound really lovely, but don't give him licence to keep treating you like some inferior species.

"I absolutely hate, loathe and detest arguments, they really upset me. If me apologising means this atmosphere between us will clear then that's what I'm willing to do. Even tho I know it's wrong."
Please don't apologise. It just sets the precedent, and encourages an unreasonable person (your DH) to be unreasonable again, because there's no consequences (in their opinion). You'll be making a rod for your own back.

phantomhairpuller Mon 24-Jun-13 08:38:35

Not great this morning. He ignored me for the most part. I tried to talk to him about a routine hosp appt he has this afternoon, he gave me nothing but abuse in return sad

I told him he can be as vile and rude as he likes, I'm not walking away until I've had a valid explanation from him. It's not fair on our boys for starters. He's acting like a child.

It is fairly out of character for him, it's not the first time I've seen him behave like this admittedly but it's far from being a regular occurrence.

There's something underlying, there has to be.

Inertia Mon 24-Jun-13 08:06:51

At first I was going to say that you know what to do for his next birthday - leave him with the kids, invite the families over, and piss off out for the day.

Having read your updates, that comment would be 14 words too long. Is he always this vile to you ? Why are you apologising for his foul behaviour ?

DoodleAlley Mon 24-Jun-13 07:53:21

How are things this morning OP?

GetStuffezd Sun 23-Jun-13 22:20:41

IMO I don't think the drinking is the issue here. Many people can go out and get pissed during a sports event, then drink more in the evening, then drink the next day. It's not great or healthy but many people do. (I do). Don't let the alcohol obscure the fact he's being so hateful and hurtful towards you. There is something else here he's too cowardly to talk properly about.

CaptainSweatPants Sun 23-Jun-13 22:07:33

He must have had a hangover from yesterday but today he's drank a bottle of wine?

Sounds Like a problem drinker sad

McNewPants2013 Sun 23-Jun-13 22:02:40

what a knob head, I dont rate adult birthdays much but thats not the point of this thread.

I see it as you has no respect for you and why are you walking on egg shells, what are you scared of ( no need to answer) because you shouldn't feel scared or intimidated especially in your own home.

BTW you can have a small glass of wine while breastfeeding.

ENormaSnob Sun 23-Jun-13 21:36:32

What an absolute bastard.

Hope you're ok sad

formerdiva Sun 23-Jun-13 21:31:51

I know we all behave like wankers every once in a while, but I'm afraid your DH really does sound awful. What's your relationship usually like?

GetStuffezd Sun 23-Jun-13 21:24:05

So, deep breath, what next? I have no experience of marriage, but I am a big believer in everyone having the right to be happy, fulfilled and respected in their relationships. Will he listen if you try to initiate a proper conversation? If not, I'd have serious concerns.

imustbepatient Sun 23-Jun-13 21:16:01

OP I can't add anything to what the others have said but just wanted to add I'm really sorry to hear what a rubbish birthday you had but also that it sounds like a symptom of something bigger. Don't apologise. See him for what he is. You sound like a lovely person, I just wanted to say that. Best of luck.

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