To ask how I can stop attracting frenemies/using friends?

(55 Posts)
winearama Thu 20-Jun-13 23:26:47

I currently have about 3 'friends' in my life that all make me feel shit when I am with them and that treat me like dirt. I've had to dump numerous other friends in the past for the same reason. People seem to think I'm fair game for nasty comments, nasty digs, and for taking the piss out of and generally using, generally at the same time as befriending my other friends and being as nice as possible to them.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm oversensitive. Other times I think perhaps I put up with too much until it's too late and I have to dump the friend, whereas other people would make a judgement sooner about the person.

I'm not in general a people-pleaser. My confidence and self esteem levels are reasonable but when I'm in the company of those types of friends they feel at rock bottom.

Help!

yamsareyammy Fri 21-Jun-13 12:01:52

You sound lovely to me friendlessmid40s smile
Have you tried your locals board on here?

BlackDahlia11 Fri 21-Jun-13 13:46:36

Totally get what you mean. It sounds like you need to say to this person that what she is saying is hurtful. The response you get will tell you whether to continue the friendship. If she apologises and realises she was out of line then there might be hope to build the friendship again but if she gets all defensive and says you are too sensitive etc then it's time to dump.

A few days ago myself and a friend of 14 years fell out. I had enough of her put downs. She's been doing it for years, whenever her life hasn't been going right she has felt the need to attempt to put me down. I say 'attempt' because I didn't listen to her opinion because she talks a load of shite. She had done it one too many times and I snapped. I messaged her to ask her to stop being so negative and giving me so many negative comments about my pregnancy and impending birth. She went off at me and turned it all around on me and she ended the friendship. That spoke volumes.

And you know what? I'm so relieved as I've been wanting her out my life for years! I should have stood up to her many years ago.

If someone is treating you like shit, tell them and see their reaction. Judge by that whether you want to remain friends.

winearama Fri 21-Jun-13 14:27:01

Thanks all for the replies!

Quick reply as I have to do the school run but I've thought of something else the friend who slagged off my DD's teeth says! I'll just be talking, normally, about something or other, not mucking around or cracking any jokes and she'll smirk and say 'You're so funny' and start laughing. Always feel like she is mocking me and making out I'm a bit simple!

Halfling Fri 21-Jun-13 14:38:28

I am a bit like you OP.

In my case, it is due to my own low self esteem. I always put up with more shit than I should, try to minimise my unahppiness and then when things get overwhelming, cut people off suddenly.

Crumbledwalnuts Fri 21-Jun-13 16:20:07

It's quite upsetting how many awful people there are out there. Avoid, avoid , avoid.

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