to ask my dh to go out, so I can have my friends round for a laydeez night?

(67 Posts)
pictish Thu 20-Jun-13 20:06:33

Ok so...I am thinking of having a lady-what-does-nails round the house next weekend, so I can get a pedicure for the summer hols (in Scotland we break up next week).
I was with some friends today who said they'd be up for the same, so I'll invite them round too and make a wee night of it.
I mentioned it to dh today, and asked how he would feel about disappearing for the evening. He wasn't too impressed.
He's a real homebody and not one for going out. It's also worth mentioning that we live somewhere where he doesn't really know anyone locally, so going out for a pint with a mate is out.

Anyway, his point is that if he wanted to have some mates round for whatever, he wouldn't expect me to leave, even though I could easily find something to do for the evening.

We are arguing the semantics now, and I thought we could put it to the MN jury.

AIBU?

squeakytoy Thu 20-Jun-13 20:38:17

It would (and does) drive me mad having a husband who never went out on his own.

I love having time to myself in the house, and on the rare occasions my husband works away for the week, I am in absolute ecstasy as I can have full control of the tv all night, eat what I like, when I feel like it.. light as many scented candles as possible... then have the bed to myself, watch another film or read for as long as I like..

so no, yanbu at all!

pictish Thu 20-Jun-13 20:38:45

We have come up with the idea of him taking ds1 to the pictures, so I think that will work fine. We just thought it was a good subject for debate.

Whenever I have gone round to someone else's for a ladies night, the dh/dp has gone out. I thought it was the way of it.

HollyBerryBush Thu 20-Jun-13 20:41:40

Cant you totally sexualise him, shove him in a pinny and make him serve drinks all night?

Euphemia Thu 20-Jun-13 20:42:45

Pictish your DH sounds just like mine. Maybe we should force them to meet introduce them? smile

Euphemia Thu 20-Jun-13 20:45:50

I never get the house to myself for longer than a couple of hours. sad

DH never ever ever goes out. Ever. Other than to work or somewhere local with DD.

I have fantasies about getting the place to myself overnight. DH has had that plenty times, and he mostly works from home so he gets the place to himself from 8am to 5pm. envy

Keztrel Thu 20-Jun-13 20:47:05

I always invite my dh to join us when I'm going out for a girly dinner or having girls over. He doesn't usually come though... He invites me when he has a boys night and I often do join them cos they always have such good snack food...but we know each others friends really well as we were all at uni together.

pictish Thu 20-Jun-13 20:53:40

Euphemia - yup.

Ragwort Thu 20-Jun-13 20:59:03

I think it's quite hard to understand couples who don't have separate interests when that is clearly the 'norm' for other people - my DH and I rarely have a night in together as we have so many different hobbies/interests/friendship groups. I would find it hard to be with someone who didn't have any interests so that he could disappear for an evening - but if that's not your thing then I guess it's not confused.

<we are both home tonight but I am much more interested in Mumsnet than sitting & chatting with DH grin>.

Euphemia - seriously, your DH never goes out at night? hmm - my DH does voluntary work (Scouts), numerous sporting activities, goes to the pub/goes off walking on his own/goes to book lectures/works away/fishing/goes swimming etc etc etc.

Euphemia Thu 20-Jun-13 21:16:51

DH is an academic and every evening is like this one - he's sitting reading academic papers, and has been since 6pm.

pictish Thu 20-Jun-13 22:22:28

Ok thanks everyone. IABU.
At least I know now.

Still wish I could boot his ass out without it being a huge deal though....but that's a whole other thread. x

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Thu 20-Jun-13 23:57:47

I couldn't live with someone who never goes out... I love having the place to myself then I love them coming home with stories about the evening or not if they've been out to something BORING Never having the house to myself would kill me. Them never going out would make me kill them grin

BOF Fri 21-Jun-13 00:01:28

Hey, hang on- don't you often post about how you as a couple both make it easy for the other one to go out/away/be a dirty stop out? I take it that only applies one way then? grin

pictish Fri 21-Jun-13 07:59:15

What has going out, got to do with staying in?

pictish Fri 21-Jun-13 08:02:15

Oh I see...you mean how can that work if dh never goes out?

Well he does...but it's rare. He goes out with friends in Edinburgh though...and will be gone for the night. Which is grand.
He'd never get off his arse and organise anything himself though.

McPie Fri 21-Jun-13 08:04:00

Going out is standard for the dh's in our group of friends, being in the same house as a group of clucking (one dh described us as such) drunk females is not most men's idea of fun!

ithaka Fri 21-Jun-13 08:07:17

My DH is not a social animal, but at least he has a pal in the village he could go and play stupid computer games with, while I have my bestie girls round (sticking to the laydeez type terminology). He would be welcome to stay in, but we usually drink to much wine and are shrill and raucous, so he prefers to get away.

YABU to expect him to go out if he has nowhere to go but he should be prepared to make himself scarce for the evening by hiding away in the bedroom/other room

Yonihadtoask Fri 21-Jun-13 08:15:10

I say YANBU to ask him to keep out of the way of your girls' night in. However YABU to expect him to go out, if he has nowhere to actually go.

MrsPennyapple Fri 21-Jun-13 08:28:25

Maybe invite him to join you, he can have a manly pedicure or whatever. You won't see him for dust!

Seriously though, YANBU to think he could find something to do. DH goes out every Saturday but not until about 9.30, I'm looking at my watch and thinking "haven't you gone yet?"

CelticPromise Fri 21-Jun-13 08:49:14

I suppose YABU but I understand where you're coming from! My DH doesn't go out often. I love it when he does. It also means he doesn't always get why I want to go out more often.

I went to a friend's last night for takeaway and wine. Her DH went out for an hour and then sat in the other room.

LalyRawr Fri 21-Jun-13 08:53:35

Ha, this is exactly how I met my OH!

His mum kicked him, his brother and dad out for the night because she had her friends over. They just happened to go to the same pub I was at, we met, chatted all night and 4 years later are still together!

mrsjay Fri 21-Jun-13 08:56:36

My dh is antisocial a homebody maybe we could get a creche or something and i could come to yours i dont want anybody touching my feet but i assume wine will be there grin just tell him to make himself scarce or he will have a gaggle of ladayz trying to make him over, yanbu sometimes it is fine to just chill out with friends without them hanging about moping

mrsjay Fri 21-Jun-13 08:58:40

DH is an academic and every evening is like this one - he's sitting reading academic papers, and has been since 6pm.

tis all go in your house euphemia grin

Euphemia Fri 21-Jun-13 21:35:16

Nope.

grin

pictish Fri 21-Jun-13 21:37:09

I'm so glad that you mrsjay and you euphemia know of what I speak.
I think everyone else thinks I'm a right hag.

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