To not have paid.

(66 Posts)
Altinkum Thu 20-Jun-13 16:45:26

Last week I started a thread, about my little boy being bullied and that it was a friends child who was doing so, a fall out incurred and I've not spoken to the mother since then.

Friend owns a freind of ours a small amount of money (under 5) so I asked today if she could give dh it, as the person was asking for the money. (Dh would have seen her at pick up time)

She text me a hour later, stating that if I was going to be childish, then she was too.

Last week,(before the fallout) was her oldest child's birthday. I assumed she invited both of my children as she booked a lane for the smaller children and a lane for the older children, and also booked the table for the meal, for ALL children. No money was mentioned at all.

However apparently I must have some kind of telepathy as apparently I should have known she was a mum on benefits and I should have paid for my youngest meal.

So she paid for the both my children's bowling, and meals, however apparently I was supposed to pay for my youngest meal only.

So she's asked for the money back, which means I now owe her the amount I asked for.

My dh was at the party, she did not mention at all that he should have paid for our youngest meal/ nor did she ask for payment, we would have happily have paid for both children.

Aibu to have assumed I didn't pay for the party invitation?

Tbh I've paid her the difference now.

imnotmymum Fri 21-Jun-13 13:52:17

I need a lie really is too short for this sort of pettiness.

BlackeyedSusan Fri 21-Jun-13 13:49:34

you buy something, you pay for it... you were not wrong to ask her for the money. she is showing herself up as petty. it is very difficult in those circumstances not to tarred with the same brush.

Floggingmolly Fri 21-Jun-13 10:48:46

You don't need to explain all this to Doormat, op.
You're not in the wrong here (and I'm glad the workplace crap is being resolved (smile)

CookieLady Fri 21-Jun-13 10:38:38


Altinkum Fri 21-Jun-13 10:27:36

The two children involved are only 3/4, like all children they absolutely adore each other, however at times they fight, sometimes it's ds, sometimes it's the other child. To me this is normal, what I noticed over time was that she never told her child off, and if ds had a toy that her dc wanted, it would be took off him, and given to her.

Her child is quite a dominate child, lovely, little miss show off, etc... Ds is shy, quite timid and very quiet, although he has his moments like any normal 3 year old. He is also speech and language delayed, and she is his little interprator at nursery.

So when it came to my attention he was being bullied by her child and a few others, school told me to speak to the parents in which I did, her attitude shone through, she really dislikes ds, that become more apparent with each text sent.

It was then I decided that no more.

I also had problem with her with my older child, and I wasn't going to continue it, to another child, it was quite difficult as both our children are in the same class, and also we have/had the same social circle, in which she's now also alienated herself from.

trixymalixy Fri 21-Jun-13 10:16:33


Altinkum Fri 21-Jun-13 10:06:57

Doormat what the blooming heck are you talking about!!!

The party was 9 days ago, we had a fallout 7 days ago, I didn't text her asking for the money, I ASKED her!!

My dh can't speak to her, he works 6am to 5pm/later EVERYDAY. However he was off yesterday as he was having his medical.

As I have said previously my exchange was, a simple " x can you give dh the money for x at pick up time.

He does not speak to this women, I had brought this item, she liked it and asked ME to get her one, which I had to do through dh.

We didnt have £4 to pay for the item, dh was picking up ds2 from nursery, and asked me to ask could she bring it at nursery pick up!

Later SHE text asking for the money for ds2 meal, she paid for every childs meal, when I asked her for the money, for the item, she then said I was being childish and if that was the case she wanted the money back for ds2 meal.

She paid for everyone else's meal, and bowling, however demanded that I pay back ds2 meal. I did so happily.

As for me falling out with people, I've never fallen out with someone until last week, if you're talking about me beig bullied at work, both physically and verbally, then I really think you need to reassess what fallen out means. hmm

FYI, the people bullying me, one left, one is leaving and the other is going through the displinary procedure now.

I did not ask her to stir things up, and Sarah summed it up to a t!

Il await for the other tosh you sprout!

Bank cards are at inlaws as they booked a holiday for us, using our saving account, as mil gets a discount.

Money is not normally a issue for us, but needing major repair work done, mot failing, plastering, childcare cost etc.... In excess of £3000, money is tight, until pay day.

I'm actually wondering why the bloody hell I need to explain this.

I was only asking, if I was beig UR to not have paid for ds2, to a party he was invited too.

Considering no payment at all has been asked for ds1, only ds2 which freind has took a massive dislike too!

Hence the falling out, I don't want to be freinds with a women like this!!!

shewhowines Fri 21-Jun-13 08:54:26


It may not be a huge amount of money, but it is the principle of the thing.

doormat Fri 21-Jun-13 08:45:56

Last week before the fallout was childs party...what op says yes
Last week she fell out with friend coz way her ds is being treated yes as op says...
Wow alot has happened over past week hasnt it..lmakes ya think...i have read and reread and still doesnt sit right...

If anyone treated my child like this i would not of gone to party and if it happened at party i would ofbegged, borrowed to pay for my 2 child entrance and foodvand walked out...

This is all a little too convenient imho...i smell a rat and it
Leaves a nasty taste....

iamadoozermum Fri 21-Jun-13 08:21:26

X-post with Sarah who explained it all better than me smile

iamadoozermum Fri 21-Jun-13 08:20:19

But doormat OP says that the party was before OP knew how DS was being treated by the other child

SarahAndFuck Fri 21-Jun-13 08:19:43

Doormat I think the party was before the bullying incident, when the children were getting along.

Then, at some part after the party had taken place, it was revealed that the ex-friend's child was bullying the OP's child.

The school (wrongly) told the OP to sort things out with the other children's parents.

One set of parents dealt with the problem, ex-friend refused to believe it of her child.

OP and her DH were then asked by his colleague to get the money they were owed and didn't have the funds to just pay it themselves.

Ex-friend saw her chance to be spiteful and petty, and she took it by asking for some money back for the party invitation.

I don't think the problems with the ex-friend in the past were about the OP's child. I think that was just the bullying incident and as she says, the final straw. Because once it was her child being treated badly, she ended the friendship. But it happened after the party.

HDEE Fri 21-Jun-13 08:10:21

You fall out with an awful lot of people.

D you ever wonder if its you, not them?

Groovee Fri 21-Jun-13 08:02:56

I think you are well rid of this loon. You weren't unreasonable to ask her for the money for dh's colleague but her reaction shows you need to run for the hills.

doormat Fri 21-Jun-13 08:02:01

Rhondajean so its okay to accept a party invite from a person who treats your child. Like rubbish...

No its not okay to ignore debts...but i wouldnt want to associate myself. With anyone who treated my child this way inthe first place

RhondaJean Fri 21-Jun-13 07:50:58

Right so it's okay for someone to ignore their debts because they don't like the person they have to give the sum to? hmm

Alt you are absolutely not being unreasonable in this situation. I can't believe people are saying you are. I assume it was you she spoke to about getting this item in the first place
It makes no difference the amount or whether you can afford it. And as for the birthday, the only thing in my view you were bu about was taking ds2 in the first place if a child he doesn't like was birthday child/ sibling but at the same time I can understand you wanting him to try to be part of the group.

Who the fuck asks for money for a kid to go to a birthday party? And AFTER the event?

I agree with Sarah. Loon. You are well rid.

doormat Fri 21-Jun-13 07:50:26

And the fact that her relationship was on stoney ground because the way she treats atlings son...

Excuse me if my son was being treated like crap from one of my friends she wouldnt even be in my company ...she would of been booted up the jacksy well befor any party invite

No atling has used this woman for free party invite for her kids...then striked at ex friend knowing she has forked out for huge party..for a measly 4 quid

Pathetic and nasty imho

doormat Fri 21-Jun-13 07:37:57

Well her dh could of asked for money bk instead of going through atling

Or dont atling and her dh talk in private...if they did he would know the friendship was already on shakey ground...lagree with other previous poster this was stirring it at its best and what even confirms it for me is that msgs are getting bandied about etc that this ex friend is kicking there is stirring going on with big wooden spoon

Explains it all really...

DowntonTrout Fri 21-Jun-13 07:30:50

doormat she was involved because her friend asked her to get the item through her DH from his work colleague. So the money had to go back that way.

DowntonTrout Fri 21-Jun-13 07:27:57

I don't think YWBU to ask for the money.

I think she is being petty and playing tit for tat.

Draw a line under the friendship. And walk away. I know what it's like- I had a fall out with a very close friend with a child in my DDs class last year. Her child wasn't even my DDs close friend- we , adults, were all close. We holidayed together as families and were at each others houses every weekend. The fall out was horrendous and it was very difficult and awkward bumping into her at school every day.

Hold your head high, chat to other people and don't let her see you're bothered. That's my advice.

doormat Fri 21-Jun-13 07:18:40

Stop stop stop...this is worse than kids arguing in a playground

For a start how dare you get involved in asking friend for money she owes a mutual eff all to do with you

Friendships have boundaries that you have wonder she is being petty back and asking for money bk which is still totally wrong imho...

Then for said friend to be kicking off over being asked...i would kicking off too if my personal business was bandied about. Amongst txt msgs et al....

I am suprised your friend ex or whatever hasnt personally shoved that coinage up your dhs friends arse...

In future butt out ...

digerd Fri 21-Jun-13 07:16:52

YANBU. She is. But am very confused as to why your PIL have your bank card while they are abroad confused when you knew you were short of cash this month?

Jinty64 Fri 21-Jun-13 07:11:25

Well, it has cost you more in the long run.

YANBU not to expect to pay for a children's birthday meal but YABU to expect someone who is "dead to you" to be happy to get a txt asking for money. I would have told dh just to give the money to the person owed and be done with it.

Still, small problem now solved, move on.

Altinkum Fri 21-Jun-13 06:52:46

Aw awful as this is, she's dead to me, unfortunately I have to see her everyday, as our children are in the same classes , this is a long list of things she has done, and her attitude towards my ds was the very finial straw.

DoJo Fri 21-Jun-13 00:14:36

Sorry - didn't realise that things were that stretched for you and I completely understand why this has annoyed you, but the second half of my post still applies as she has confirmed that she's not a friend you want to waste any more time with.

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