To not have paid.

(66 Posts)
Altinkum Thu 20-Jun-13 16:45:26

Last week I started a thread, about my little boy being bullied and that it was a friends child who was doing so, a fall out incurred and I've not spoken to the mother since then.

Friend owns a freind of ours a small amount of money (under 5) so I asked today if she could give dh it, as the person was asking for the money. (Dh would have seen her at pick up time)

She text me a hour later, stating that if I was going to be childish, then she was too.

Last week,(before the fallout) was her oldest child's birthday. I assumed she invited both of my children as she booked a lane for the smaller children and a lane for the older children, and also booked the table for the meal, for ALL children. No money was mentioned at all.

However apparently I must have some kind of telepathy as apparently I should have known she was a mum on benefits and I should have paid for my youngest meal.

So she paid for the both my children's bowling, and meals, however apparently I was supposed to pay for my youngest meal only.

So she's asked for the money back, which means I now owe her the amount I asked for.

My dh was at the party, she did not mention at all that he should have paid for our youngest meal/ nor did she ask for payment, we would have happily have paid for both children.

Aibu to have assumed I didn't pay for the party invitation?

Tbh I've paid her the difference now.

Altinkum Thu 20-Jun-13 17:36:29

And I completely agree that it's childish.

CloudsAndTrees Thu 20-Jun-13 17:38:48

You both sound pathetic.

Why would you ask her for money, even if under normal circumstances it would have been no problem, when you've just had a falling out with her.

You should have told your DH that you weren't on the best terms with this person so you'd rather not be involved in asking for the money. Instead, you chose to ask and risk stirring up trouble.

Altinkum Thu 20-Jun-13 17:44:20

I wasn't stirring anything up, she wouldn't have seen dh. And dh needed the money hence I asked.

I agree it's pathetic.

However I certainly wasn't stirring and dh is well aware of the circumstances involved, however he needed the money and I was the only person to ask for it.

Altinkum Thu 20-Jun-13 17:45:49

Anyway this isn't about me asking for the money, it was about her asking me for the money for her inviting dc to a party.

Tomorrowslookingfine Thu 20-Jun-13 17:50:32

How much was the item your DH got for her?

lookingfoxy Thu 20-Jun-13 18:05:28

Yanbu, however I would just write off the money snd have no more contact.

Shutupanddrive Thu 20-Jun-13 18:34:49

I would just tell her to forget about the money, and cut her off completely

Altinkum Thu 20-Jun-13 18:41:36

I've already cut her off, and I paid her the money I owed her.

Icelollycraving Thu 20-Jun-13 18:49:30

I think I follow,so you asked her for £3.99? grin

Icelollycraving Thu 20-Jun-13 18:50:57

Sorry,don't know why I put a big old grinning face. I am perplexed.

SarahAndFuck Thu 20-Jun-13 18:51:37


I think remember your other thread.

Her child was part of a group making fun of your child's speech and language issues at school, the school dealt with it badly by asking you to speak to the other parents and she refused to accept that her child was bullying yours, claimed the school was happy with her daughter and that was all she cared about.

So you had to go back to the school and ask them to deal with it properly.

That's the thread isn't it?

And now she has asked a colleague of your DH's, via you and him, to sell her something but hasn't paid for it.

And because the order was placed via you and him, said colleague has gone through you both to ask her to pay what she owes.

So you spoke to her in the morning so she could bring the money in the afternoon to pass on to your DH.

Which means it was quite reasonable for you to speak to her about the money she owes, that's what the colleague has asked you and your DH to do.

And now she has admitted that she's feeling petty and insisted you actually owe her money for a birthday party she invited your children to and didn't ask for payment for before the bullying issue came up at school.

She's a loon. And she knows that her child is in the wrong and that she's made a total dick of herself by carrying on the way she did. But she's decided to just dig the hole deeper rather than fix the issue.

Better off without her OP.

DoJo Thu 20-Jun-13 19:07:21

Am I right in thinking that this is all over £4? In which case, I would have given your husband's colleague the money myself and avoided any dealings with her rather than risk stirring up the argument between the two of you again. She is obviously being petty by asking you for payment for the party, but this is why you are no longer friends with her surely? She's just confirming that you made the right decision.

Altinkum Thu 20-Jun-13 19:24:58

Dojo, if we had the £4 we would have paid it, however we don't get paid till next week and every last penny is accounted for till pay day.

This week, we have had to lay for a new boiler and fitting, dh mot failed, and we had to shell out for that, I've had to pay the school/childminder £600 in fees/dinner money.

And pay for a plaster to fix the Celling that the boiler has destroyed, until pay day, we have no money, as the money we have, is for DD, and 40pw shopping for a family of 4.

So paying it was not an affordable option, even if it was a measly £4 we asked for.

We have had to borrow £10, from the kids money box just to pay her, and his work colleague.

Roll on payday. We can't even take money out our savings, as his parents have our back cards and are abroad.

Altinkum Thu 20-Jun-13 19:25:29

Sarah thank you, that's exactly it.

SarahAndFuck Thu 20-Jun-13 19:34:11

I think the ex-friend owed the colleague £4.00.

The OP asked the ex-friend if she could pay her DH the money when she saw him later and the ex-friend saw a chance to get back at the OP for the bullying issues the OP had raised about her daughter the previous week.

So she told the OP she actually owes her £7.99 for one of the children's birthday meals, even though she invited that child as a guest and paid for all the other guests herself.

So the OP has paid the colleague £4.00 and the ex friend £3.99. Which I think makes her the bigger person.

It shouldn't matter how much money the ex-friend owed, she owed it and she should pay it. And it should have been entirely separate to the bullying issue.

Floggingmolly Thu 20-Jun-13 19:34:28

So you've paid her the net amount and she's still indignant at having to pay for the item she bought? confused
She's a total bitch, ignore both her and her bullying kids.
Throwing a strop and demanding payment for a child's entry to a party retrospectively is childish and vile.

DoJo Fri 21-Jun-13 00:14:36

Sorry - didn't realise that things were that stretched for you and I completely understand why this has annoyed you, but the second half of my post still applies as she has confirmed that she's not a friend you want to waste any more time with.

Altinkum Fri 21-Jun-13 06:52:46

Aw awful as this is, she's dead to me, unfortunately I have to see her everyday, as our children are in the same classes , this is a long list of things she has done, and her attitude towards my ds was the very finial straw.

Jinty64 Fri 21-Jun-13 07:11:25

Well, it has cost you more in the long run.

YANBU not to expect to pay for a children's birthday meal but YABU to expect someone who is "dead to you" to be happy to get a txt asking for money. I would have told dh just to give the money to the person owed and be done with it.

Still, small problem now solved, move on.

digerd Fri 21-Jun-13 07:16:52

YANBU. She is. But am very confused as to why your PIL have your bank card while they are abroad confused when you knew you were short of cash this month?

doormat Fri 21-Jun-13 07:18:40

Stop stop stop...this is worse than kids arguing in a playground

For a start how dare you get involved in asking friend for money she owes a mutual eff all to do with you

Friendships have boundaries that you have wonder she is being petty back and asking for money bk which is still totally wrong imho...

Then for said friend to be kicking off over being asked...i would kicking off too if my personal business was bandied about. Amongst txt msgs et al....

I am suprised your friend ex or whatever hasnt personally shoved that coinage up your dhs friends arse...

In future butt out ...

DowntonTrout Fri 21-Jun-13 07:27:57

I don't think YWBU to ask for the money.

I think she is being petty and playing tit for tat.

Draw a line under the friendship. And walk away. I know what it's like- I had a fall out with a very close friend with a child in my DDs class last year. Her child wasn't even my DDs close friend- we , adults, were all close. We holidayed together as families and were at each others houses every weekend. The fall out was horrendous and it was very difficult and awkward bumping into her at school every day.

Hold your head high, chat to other people and don't let her see you're bothered. That's my advice.

DowntonTrout Fri 21-Jun-13 07:30:50

doormat she was involved because her friend asked her to get the item through her DH from his work colleague. So the money had to go back that way.

doormat Fri 21-Jun-13 07:37:57

Well her dh could of asked for money bk instead of going through atling

Or dont atling and her dh talk in private...if they did he would know the friendship was already on shakey ground...lagree with other previous poster this was stirring it at its best and what even confirms it for me is that msgs are getting bandied about etc that this ex friend is kicking there is stirring going on with big wooden spoon

Explains it all really...

doormat Fri 21-Jun-13 07:50:26

And the fact that her relationship was on stoney ground because the way she treats atlings son...

Excuse me if my son was being treated like crap from one of my friends she wouldnt even be in my company ...she would of been booted up the jacksy well befor any party invite

No atling has used this woman for free party invite for her kids...then striked at ex friend knowing she has forked out for huge party..for a measly 4 quid

Pathetic and nasty imho

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